The Interestment 2023 End of Year Barometer – what’s HOT and what’s NOT?
Photo by Florian Schmetz on Unsplash
Once again it’s that time of year when, here at Interestment, we like to divide the human experience into two distinct categories – the things that make us smile and the things that make us scream until our eyes start bleeding. Better known as “What’s HOT and what’s NOT”. Let’s do this.
HOT
Sultana Bran – the only breakfast cereal you should ever get serious about.
Shimmy Shimmy Ko Ko Bop by Little Anthony and the Imperials – somehow, song of the year. Long story.
Birkenstocks – ideal footwear for when your commute is a 10-second amble down the garden.
The Walkman – sounds ironic, is slightly. But putting a tape in an old walkman is a thing of joy. No skipping songs, no getting distracted by your phone, you just have to listen.
Red Stripe – still the greatest drink in the world. Have six and see if you disagree.
Andre 3000 – one of the best ever rappers releases an album of woodwind instrumentals. Thank you, world, you unpredictable fucking maverick.
Knitwear – tank tops, cardigans, jumpers you’re about to drown in. That’s the stuff.
Dogs – the nicest people you’ll ever meet.
Television shows – in order: The Bear, Colin from Accounts, Masterchef Australia, Dave (show, not channel), Such Brave Girls.
Tasty Food – another impressive year for food. Particular highlights include rotisserie chicken in sunny Spain, and the genius move of adding kimchi to a McDonalds Filet-O-Fish.
Top five films watched in 2023: Secrets & Lies, Past Lives, The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp, Annie Hall, The Mother and the Whore.
Snickers – often overlooked but probably the fusion food invention of our time.
Meditation – the forgotten art of doing bugger all.
Anchovies – turns out, after all that, these salty little pricks are a seasoning.
Horace Shower Gel – turns your bathroom into a semi-professional spa.
Norm Macdonald – still the funniest man in the world despite not being here anymore.
Scrambled Eggs Interestment Style – stay with us on this. Loose scrambled eggs, cooked in butter with ‘everything seasoning’ (poppy seeds, sesame seeds, dried onions, garlic salt), then once ready add Worcestershire sauce, a decent hot sauce, crushed up scampi fries, a squiggle of high quality mayo. On toast. Now apply into your mouth.
Pauline Kael – long-dead film critic who was unafraid to swim in whatever direction she wanted, which, in a world where everyone wets their pants about saying the right thing, is an enviable superpower. Be more Kael.
Coke Zero – the crack cocaine of soft drinks pretending to be good for you.
Tequila Sunrise, Vodka Orange – orange juice-based cocktails have been huge in 2023 (in very specific households).
1980s Teri Garr – still the best way to kill time on Youtube.
Pulp fiction – don’t worry about intellectualising your mind with mighty tomes, just invest in a mountain of silly crime books by Mickey Spillane and Lester Dent.
M&S Wine Gums – the undisputed heavyweight champion of snacks.
Pickles and Ferments – big shout out to pickled turnips.
High quality Mayonnaise – three things you can never scrimp on: mayo, shower gel, and strawberry jam.
Tennis – squeeze into some micro-shorts and pat a few balls about.
Doner meat and chips – lock the doors, turn the mirrors to face the wall, and enjoy the greatest meal of your life. Never fails.
Magazines – brilliant magazines still exist if you decide to find them, try MacGuffin on for size.
Uno – don’t bother with clever games, get smashed on hard booze and play Uno.
100% cotton – still the only acceptable ratio for cotton.
YETI mugs – good for outdoorsy types, and also for normal people who take four hours to drink a massive cup of coffee.
Swimming – the most leisurely way to maintain a slightly overweight physique.
The Mizell Brothers – titans of jazz-funk which is a genre everyone adores.
Boning – still the most fun you can have with your genitals.
NOT
Newspapers – writing has never been more self-consciously one thing or the other.
58% of Podcasts – too many cooks, limping formats.
WAR – we’re a fair few years in as a species, we should’ve figured out how to tolerate each other by now.
Politics – hot air.
Queuing up for things – so bor-ring.
Polyester – come on guys.
Cucumbers – rancid.
Saying a few words about yourself – no one enjoys this, if you do you should probably say a few words about yourself to a psychiatrist.
Cats – nope.
Mushrooms – good god no.
Ailments – too much going about.
Reality TV – the shark was jumped long ago.
Social media – still doing its best impression of real life. Don’t believe the hype.
The internet – guys, shall we switch this thing off?
Death – still no cure for this.