63 great questions to ask if you’re ever running out of conversation

It’s been an odd couple of years, and no one knows how to socialise anymore. Thankfully, you needn’t worry though, because following this very short intro are 63 excellent questions to use if you feel yourself running out of stuff to say. Here goes…

• Can I quickly read you a poem?
• Does puncake work as a pun for pancake?
• Did you know that Dolph Lundgren is a total fucking nerd in real life?
• What are your ten favourite Adele tracks?
• You ever wet yourself on purpose?
• Do intellectuals say they’ve whet their pants?
• What’s your favourite new invention using Marmite?
• Who’s your third favourite member of East 17?
• What exactly is scampi?
• Apart from the magnifying glass, and discounting the tooth pick and the mini saw, what’s your favourite bit of a Swiss Army Knife?
• What’s your favourite way of saying Bono? 
• What’s your favourite syllable in the word orangutan? 
• What if life is just one really long recurring dream?
• You ever had a meat bap from McDonalds?
• What’s the point in rhetorical questions?
• What’s the plural of manchild?
• Have you ever foraged in a supermarket?
• What’s so uncool about loving B*Witched records?
• You ever noodled in the under-stairs cupboard?
• Ever rifled through a letterbox?
• Ever given an animal a deep massage?
• You ever sung yourself to sleep?
• Is it weird to get erections when you cycle?
• What’s your favourite thing about schadenfreude?
• Aren’t all cupboards stationary?
• Why didn’t Peter Schmeichel call his son Michael?
• Do you believe in Paul Daniels?
• Why does halloumi squeak so fucking much?
• Isn’t all underwear edible?
• What’s the best way of telling someone they’ve got spinach in their teeth?
• Remember when “self-checkout” just meant looking in the mirror?
• Who’s your favourite Norwegian lady?
• Do you think Jeremy Corbyn had a beard before it was even cool?
• Why do fish have such long fingers?
• Guess what?
• You ever given up chocolate? 
• Would it be weird to give up religion for lent?
• How do you feel about sending private information over messaging platforms?
• Ever had your data harvested?
• What’s the most fun you’ve had eating a yoghurt?
• Be honest, what do you really think of chiropractors? 
• Do you say can or tin of Coca-Cola?
• How cool does my bandana look?
• If the world was fine with it, would you get a concubine?
• Ever bought a pair of trousers for no real reason?
• Do you really think Die Hard is a Christmas film?
• How much of a Magnum can you get in your mouth?
• Do you call cheeseburgers bad boys?
• Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
• Have you ever been sponsored to do something crazy like running?
• Ever stood naked in a blizzard?
• Who’d win a fight between you and your aunt?
• What’s cooking over on Myspace these days?
• What’s the ninth best Bond film?
• Where do you see yourself in 100 years?
• What’s the least you’ve ever laughed?
• If no one would ever find out and you could definitely get away with it – would you try wearing a baseball cap sideways?
• If no one would ever find out – would you try on a cape?
• Have you ever asked Alexa to play Labi Siffre?
• Do you ever just hide rubbish instead of throwing it away?
• If bottom-smacking was okay, whose bottom would you smack first?
• What would you rather eat – a lovely box of Quality Street or 19 enormous chunks of raw liver?
• What are people actually doing inside those illuminated Christmas houses?