The Interestment 2020 End of Year Barometer – what’s HOT and what’s NOT?

It’s not been the greatest year on record (that’d be 1996, fact hunters), but in amongst the never-ending splurge of raw sewage that has come to define 2020, we did somehow manage to find a few gold nuggets.

So without any further ado, because god knows we all hate ado, here’s what’s been HOT and what’s been NOT in the last twelve months….

HOT

Strawberry jam – always go high end. The difference between good strawberry jam and average strawberry jam is an immense chasm of differentials. Absolutely immense.

Birkenstocks – go garish, go rubber. Shoe of the year.

Tennis – in your head you’re Roger Federer/Serena Williams – don’t fret about the reality.

Pauline Kael – straight-talking movie critic from the last century, unafraid of her own opinions. Should be the yardstick for all modern writers/people.

Rohmer, Bergman, Fassbinder – in that order. Movie directors of the year. All very much dead for ages. Truffaut misses by a whisker. Also very dead.

Midget Gems – essentially baby wine gums. The ones at Marks and Spencers will blow your tits/bollocks off.

Vans – because what’s the point in shoelaces?

Succession – the hype was correct. Well done, everyone. We got there late.

Meditation – the ancient art of sitting there doing sweet fucking nothing.

Masterchef Australia – still the most uplifting thing on telly.

Loungewear – always 100 per cent pure cotton. No other ratio is acceptable.

Monkfish – here’s a tip: roll it in Everyday Seasoning then hurl it onto the nearest barbecue.

Baked Wotsits – crisps, fresh from the oven. We recommend the Flamin’ Hot variety.

Red Stripe – drink of the year, consumed in cans. Have eight in a row and see if you disagree.

Vodka Tonic – cocktail of the year sipped from a glass with ice in it. In second place, Vodka Orange. In third… Vodka and Diet Coke (or VDC). It’s a vodka clean sweep, ladies and gentlemen!

Old Hollywood Firecrackers – we’re talking Stanwyck, B. Hepburn, K. Monroe, M. MacLaine, S.

JD and DOMi – the future of music. Also the best JD since the sports shop.

Teen Titans Go – followed by Ben and Holly, then Spongebob.

The Boyz n The Hood soundtrack – 90s West Coast raps, the perfect accompaniment to a warm Sunday morning croissant.

Factual books – still kicking fiction’s big hairy butt, for the nth year running.

Pizza – New York style, huge slices, bit crispy, bit chewy.

Joe Wicks – PE teacher of the year.

Grounded with Louis Theroux – Louis aping his ole pal Buxton, but with very different eyebrow work – Buxton’s sound like they’re all up near his hairline like a friendly pup, while Louis’ are probably all furrowed like a more serious doggy who’s weary about love. Point being – podcast of the year.

Watching vintage US Talkshows on The Youtube – Cavett from the 70s, Letterman from the 80s, Conan from the 90s. Guest-wise, go Orson Welles for Cavett, Teri Garr for Letterman, Norm Macdonald for Conan. Talking of which…

1980s Teri Garr – person of the year. And yes it’s not the 1980s, well spotted Einstein. But anyway.

Agua de Colonia Concentrada shower gel – the freshest smelling thing we’ve rubbed into our disgusting genitals all year.

Chinese pork buns – not the bao things, forget those guys, too marshmallowy. These are the ones that look like normal bakery bread rolls, but then SURPRISE there’s sweet sticky barbecued pork inside. Thanks world.

Nerf Guns – they should make these for adults. Oh hang on, apparently they sort of do.

Middleditch and Schwartz – improv on Netflix, but way less “okay guys, who’s up for some roleplay?” and much more “okay everyone, we’re about to make you laugh your dicks/pussies off”.

Brooklyn 99 – sitcom discovery of the year.

Mexican Food – ever had this? Big shout out to quesadillas.

Lovers Rock – both the musical genre and the BBC film by Steve McQueen.

This exact jacket – De Niro wore it in The Deer Hunter, now over 40 years later everyone else wants one.

Cauliflower – roast it in the oven, got yourself the vegetable of the year.

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood – movie of the year. Followed by Eighth Grade, then Uncut Gems.

Mars Bars – the forgotten giant, once up there with Coca-Cola and McDonalds. Its time will come again. Choccy bar of the year.

Boning – still one of the best ways to pass the time of day.

Dave Chappelle – definitely the greatest comedian of all time. One of the best humans too.

NOT

Actually, you know what, let’s not bother this year.

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