The Interestment 2018 End of Year Barometer – What’s Hot and What’s Not
HOT HOT HOT
Another year comes to an end, time to split the entire human experience into two clearly defined brackets – things that are HOT and things that are NOT. The good and the bad. The tasty and the grotesque. The sexy and the fugly. No grey areas, no nuance, this is just how the world is now. So without any further ado (because we all hate ado), this is the stuff…
HOT
Fried sprouts with feta
Nike Air Jordan 1 – because nothing says “I’m definitely rewriting the rules of middle age here” like a 40something slipping into a pair of Air Jordans
Massive woolly jumpers – great for seeing you through winter and also for hiding your huge secret belly. Talking of which…
Doing precisely 25 mins on a treadmill – forget running outside and socialising with people, get in, get out, get it done. By all means listen to krautrock while you’re at it
ALBUMS OF THE YEAR – Thundercat, Drunk AND Leroy Hutson, Hutson. One sounds like Music of My Mind era Stevie Wonder doing yacht rock. The other is the greatest soul record ever made. Neither came out in 2018
The Nintendo Switch – the most thrilling computery revolution of the last 23 years
Homecoming – Julia Roberts, Hitchcock vibes, each episode is about 20 mins
Everybody Wants Some!! – unknown actors richard linklater their way around America in the early 1980s. Film of the Year
Snogging – everyone’s always on about boning and shagging and everything, but bloody hell, snogging, that’s the stuff. Even better if it’s during the day
Killing Eve – amazing work from Comer and Oh, further proof that ole Waller-Waller is something else
1980s Whitney – don’t let the reverence of deceased 80s pop gods eclipse some sterling work from pre-crack Whitney. How Will I Know, Dance With Somebody, that’s the marrow
Burger King Cheeseburgers – ever since McD’s went all upmarket with its “cooking to order”, BK has become the natural home of the ultimate melty pre-made 99p snack
Chatty Podcasts – they’re still fun aren’t they? Bit of a samey-samey circuit going on but that’s fine isn’t it?
Crunchies – you’d forgotten about these hadn’t you? God they’re good
X-Men: Grand Design – one for the old school comic book nerds out there, drawn by Ed Piskor. You know who you are, stop pretending. It’s allowed now
Raheem Sterling – Sportsman of the Year last year, and only getting better. Our best hope since Le Tissier
Fried egg sandwiches – cheap white bread, load of butter, Mr Ketchup
Levi 510s – one skinny pair in charcoal, one in navy, and you’ll never need another pair of trousers again. Until jumbo cord season kicks in around mid-JAN
The MacGuffin – the Seinfeld of magazines, this takes a single object and mines the minutia of it. Currently being excavated – the ball
“Voddy Odge” – Vodka, Triple Sec, Tropicana. Three large ones will break your brain
The World Series – Tubby guys in chinos play rounders while you hold a gigantic hotdog. Don’t underestimate baseball
The Deuce – from The Wire guy, and just like The Wire this seems to be floating somewhere beneath the public eyeline. Another future classic
Beastie Boys – the band that shed its brattish skin to become a more mature proposition. Aka. prototype Take That. Their book’s very good
Mezze – the only polite way to achieve the ultimate dream of a regular indoor picnic
NOT
Trump/Brexit – fashionable to hate and rightly so, but also responsible for some truly mundane comedy
Old men headlining festivals – disconcerting proof that whatever the counterculture movement was supposed to start, it probably didn’t
Cucumbers – fucking stupid
Tattoos that make your entire neck look like a flower bed – silly
Death – still no cure for this
Decent famous people dying – especially the ones that did themselves in: Bourdain, Mac Miller
Echo chambers – the media landscape is starting to look a bit like painting-by-numbers, and when conversation rather than debate is needed, that’s a shame
Jackets that are too damn hot
“Influencers”
Gorgeous people wearing glasses they don’t need – false advertising. You can’t be clever and beautiful, everyone knows that
The relentless slaughter of magazines – the pile is getting larger, one day we’ll miss them. Done well, nothing comes close
The lure of the Lottery – has anyone ever actually won this thing?
Daytime TV hosts getting the giggles – the only thing worse than the curtain coming up to reveal the mechanics is the curtain coming up to reveal some bullshit
Too much tech clouding your life – go outside and take one big breath
The ongoing deification of mushrooms
Unnecessary plastic surgery – can’t we all just get old and gross and still shag each other?
Feeling “humbled” – only be humbled by how dreadful your life turned out to be, not because you’re being lavished with praise and adoration. You can be “chuffed” about that, it’s fine
Polyester – no
Cats – fuck no