The Interestment 2017 End of Year Barometer – what’s HOT and what’s NOT?
Featuring these trainers
It’s long been established that the best way to explain the human experience is to trivialise it, and break everything down into two opposing categories. Things that are GOOD and things that are BAD, no nuance, no grey areas, just I LIKE THIS, and I HATE THAT. So, with that in mind and without any further ado, here’s what Interestment made of it all in 2017…
HOT
The Deuce – 70s pimps, prozzies, porn, funk, TWO James Francos, Method Man, the greatest actress in the world (Maggie Gyllenhaal), and all from the same dude who did The Wire. Not far behind was Crashing, the funniest sitcom of the year.
Chinese Food – you ever had this? It’s amazing. Big shout out to sesame prawn toast.
Carhartt Jackets – nothing says “I’m starting to quite enjoy 90s hip hop again” like some heavy-duty denim workwear. The Garment of the Year
Doublin’ Down by The Jack Moves – modern soul gem that fetches £100 in its original form. Song of the Year, despite coming out four years ago
Non-fiction – still decimating fiction, because it all actually happened
Baseball Caps – great for hiding the fact that your hair is confusing
Full Strength Traditional Coca Cola – fuck that Diet nonsense, go all in
Air Max 90s – comfortable to wear, superfresh, plus BUBBLES
Norm Macdonald Live – funniest man in the world, at the helm of the best chat show since, and including, Wogan. Man of the Year
Retro Board Games – don’t bother with the nerdy cerebral stuff, just get loaded on vodka and play Guess Who for four hours
Long Island Ice Teas – great way to pep up a Sunday evening. All you need is every light spirit known to man, lemons, sugar syrup, ice, cola, and literally zero ambition
Gin – there’s suddenly a lot of hard booze on this list
Meat and Chips – rabidly consumed from a polystyrene container, this is The Thinking Woman’s Shepherd’s Pie
Jumbo Cords – they were hot last year, they’re getting hotter
Paddington 2 – everyone’s on about Hugh Grant, but what about THE BEAR? Not only has he mastered basic human behaviour, he can also ACT. Film of the Year
Raheem Sterling – an Englishmen who can hold his own in a superstar football team? The first since McManaman. Sportsman of the Year
M&S Wine Gums – the crack cocaine of the confectionary world. Not to be confused with the crack cocaine of the narcotics world: Crack Cocaine
American Football – complex, gripping, long winded, it’s The Godfather Trilogy of sports (minus the last one)
Being generally decent – it might fly in the face of all human instinct, but kindness and empathy are looking like they’re going to be huge in 2018
James Brown Productions – when the political climate is a tumultuous one, you need hard, heavy beats to drown it out OBSERVE
NOT
Brexit – partly for terminally ruining a country, mainly for the bad comedy that’s ensued
“Essays” – we need to re-establish the line between “writing an article as an adult” and “doing your school work”
Non-bookable restaurants – for people who love standing outside for ages, doing nothing
Politics – too many bad salesmen
Twitter – threatening to become another Garden of Earthly Delights, once beautiful, but getting shriekier and shriekier
“Small Plates” – the least enticing marriage of words since Root Canal
Sitting down staring at your phone – there’s a world outside your window, and it’s a world of dread and fear… ONLY IT ISN’T. It’s beautiful
Exercise – so tiring
Trump – the longest Dr Pepper advert ever
Tabloid disapproval of “Bullying” – like Satan telling off Hitler
The gaping holes on the newsstand – magazines are choking for air, but done well they’re SO GOOD
Celebrity Offspring – can’t one of them just be ugly and work in an office?
Banter
Death – still no cure for this
The ongoing underappreciation of “being overweight” – because nothing is sexier than full fat milk
Silverbacks – too often bad men with loud voices
Overly strong bespoke beer – beer was invented to be consumed in gallons by fat people in a hurry, not supped from a confusingly-shaped “flute”
Looking serious in photographs – you’re not in a band (unless you are in a band)
Coughing fits – particularly the point where people wonder if you might genuinely be about to die in front of them
Thumb Rings – The World Heavyweight Champion of Bad Adornments