Cold Weather Feasts: Spaghetti Carbonara

Mmmm…

You might have noticed that it’s cold as fuck outside – not my words, that’s actually the technical term for the current weather conditions, which are a result of years spent liberally spraying exhaust fumes into the sky without hearing the groans of the planet. Now the cold seasons stretch on for years while we walk around with icicles of snot hilariously connecting our nostrils to our top lips, and then during the summer we howl and burn the soles of our feet and get sunburn on our large boobs because it’s too bloody hot. There’s no middle ground any more, and personally I wouldn’t have it any other way. My two favourite meal types are casseroles and picnics, so everything accounted above makes for perfect weather conditions for my palate and today I’m going to outline a marvellous and simple winter warmer that I made the other day in about 15 minutes flat. It’s called Spaghetti Carbonara and you pronounce it exactly as you’d imagine, but with added hand gestures for increased Italian authenticity.

You will need: some spaghetti, some pancetta or lardons or bacon, a big old handful of parmesan, some double cream, salt and pep, three or four eggs, a frying pan and a bigger pan.

How to make it:

1. chop up your bacon and fry it until it is fully cooked and possibly a bit caramelised but not too caramelised that would be insane.

2. Mix three eggs and a big old handful of parmesan and a healthy splash of double cream together in a bowl or receptacle until they resemble a strange cheesy batter.

3. Boil and drain your pasta, then add the bacon and mix it all around together, then slowly add your creamy eggy cheesy sauce and mix that in with a nice amount of black pepper for good measure.

4. Apply your feast to bowls and devour with a massive smile on your face while the heat from your meal warms your insides to stave off any colds and/or infections.

5. Um, that’s it.