17 important thoughts and observations
In life, you never stop learning, never stop thinking, never stop wondering, never stop wandering, and you never, and I repeat never, start stopping. With that in mind, here are just a few probing statements, questions, observations and mini-screenplays from the last week or so…
Why does Florence Poo pronounce her name so pretentiously?
ADVICE: on your first day in prison get into a sweaty kissing fight with your cellmate
Better idea for a surprise birthday party: shout SURPRISE! then tell them you’re pregnant
Blues singers, let’s save time and assume you woke up this morning
it’d be much more relaxing if babies came out singing
Invention idea: a satnav that panics when you take a wrong turn
sophisticated name for a perfume: Unmentionable
isn’t all underwear edible if you believe in yourself?
open to James Bond attempting to cough over his fart, but his fart is much louder than his cough. Bond blushes
the best thing about plastic surgery is that no one knows when you’ve had it
“This key is incredible, are we all agreed that it should be called Alan?”
has anyone seen my shorts? They’re denim and they climb deep into my arse at the back
“that’s right baby, papa’s a feminist”
Very disappointed to find that Riding Giants is a surfing documentary
Still Lemonade – what did it expect?
the best Bond was definitely Jennie
Life lesson: if someone answers the phone with “can I call you back?” they’re being held hostage