Tag Archive: the recession

  • Second hand bargain: Some wonderful literature

    The original O.C in many ways…

    Sweet Valley

    It’s not just the grown ups suffering in this cruel financial downturn, think of the teenagers. A year ago, with mum and dad away “on business”, opportunistic offspring would take the bull by the horns, and throw gargantuan house parties, involving much cider, at least nine people violently throwing up, and almost every girl present would take a turn at weeping for attention. The night would finally come to an abrupt end with a sea of wasted youngsters sucking one another’s necks like they were high powered hoovers and the neck were a filthy carpet that needed a once over, and the host spazzing out because their prey for the evening decided to get off with someone considerably hotter but not nearly as wealthy. It’s not fair! But now look at these spoilt little oiks. With daddy fired from his bank job, they’ve had to relocate to shopping centres and car parks. It’s only a matter of time before their boredom drives them to carving shivs from bits of discarded wood and old razors. They’ll end up in chokey. Make no mistake about that. These are strange, worrying times. Which is why we go berserk with joy whenever we catch wind of a wonderful bargain, and only this week friend of the site Carol stumbled across an excellent find in her local Save the Cats (or some such). “I used to love Sweet Valley High books when I was a teenager,” she told us, whilst simultaneously preening herself in a hand held mirror, “so when I saw about eight of them on the book shelf in my local charity shop, I took the lot.” For those unfortunate enough not to have had the pleasure, these chronicles tell the story of a beautiful set of twins called Elizabeth and Jessica, who swan around California having the time of their lives. The books are a little bit like Less Than Zero minus the drugs. They’re brilliant. So come on, Carol, how much for these hard hitting books about teenagers? “20p each!”

    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: Gladiator

    Father of a married son, husband to a beautiful daughter etc…

    crowe

    As with so many periods of chaos, the cruel financial winter has sparked a wave of hysterical behaviour from grown men, as they hurtle around firing people and waving money in your face shouting “mine, this is mine, this money… is mine!”. Their regal masks of superiority slipping clean off, replaced by the gurning face of greed, the stone-hearted unemotional blank eyes of nastiness, and the soft, useless penis of middle/upper management. Yet sadly, in this day and age, revenge is considered rather unprofessional, so we are forced to endure the fact that these oiky little toads will probably survive the downturn unscathed, and go on to lead long and happy lives, blissfully unaware that around 94.8 per cent of the people they have met over the years have secretly despised them. It’s a strange, higgledy-piggledy time. Which is why we get kissed on the face by the sweet caress of glee whenever we catch wind of a wonderful bargain. Just this very weekend, friend of the site Al stumbled across a fantastic revenge film in his local Save the Cats – or something. “One of my all time favourite films is Gladiator,” he told us, attempting a Russell Crowe voice, “so when I saw it on the DVD shelf, I lurched forward and grabbed it, I was over the moon!” As anyone would be, Al, it’s a gripping movie, make no mistake about that. So come on, how much for this sword-sandals-and-a-tiger romp? “50p”

    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: Lacoste polo shirts

    The second best around…

    lacoste-polo

    It’s only when you find yourself in a proverb situation that you realise just how true these weird little nuggets are. Hence why you won’t see any cooks shaking their heads in disagreement should you declare that too many of them would spoil a broth – they’ve been there, six or seven crowded around one stove, a tiny kitchen, all trying to take control of a soup. They ruined it. They know they did. And it’s also why we no longer stare into horses mouths. Another such proverb situation has arisen thanks to the cruel financial downturn, which has turned former choosers into lowly beggars – meaning that we have all had to make do with what we can get. Once high-flying businessmen are having to endure the bitter pill of economy sausages where once they had fillet steaks, young go-getters have been forced to replace expensive bags of narcotics with weak lagers that were on offer. These are strange, transitional times. Which is why we go bonkers whenever we catch wind of a wonderful bargain. Just this weekend, friend of the site Roberto enjoyed a successful second hand shopping spree, even though he had to make do with his second choice. “I’m normally a Fred Perry man when it comes to polo shirts, but this shop was selling Lacoste ones, so I bought about four,” he told us, whilst simultaneously sporting one of the wonderful tops, “I guess beggars can’t be choosers.” You took the words right out of our mouths, Robbie! So, come on, how much for these still-excellent items of loveliness? “A fiver each!”

    That’s amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: A portable record player

    For grown ups as well as kids…

    fisher-price-record-player

    One of the real cock punches brought about by the sudden financial downturn came when high-flying business execs had to relinquish their company freebies. That meant no more swish company car, no more strippers on the company credit card, and no more snazzy iPhone upgrades. You’ll be able to spot these men quite easily now, they’re the ones nervously half-walking/half-running along the pavement, muttering gently to themselves, occasionally yelling at traffic, or weeping hysterically on the floor in Tescos. They’ve been pretty ruthlessly broken, making these some pretty weird, uncomfortable times. Hence why we feel a sudden rush of oh-it’s-not-so-bad whenever we hear about a wonderful bargain. Just this very week, friend of the site Brian stumbled across one heck of a find whilst rooting around in his local Cancer Research. “There it was, a portable kiddie’s turntable from the 1980s,” he laughed, sounding either drunk or ecstatic, “thinking about it, this was probably the equivalent of owning an iPod back then.” What a fantastic find, Brian, just perfect for those summer afternoons when you’ve hit the park with a hamper of cold meats and tasty salads, a few bieres, and a crate of vinyl records. So, come on, how much did this wonderful plastic antique set you back? “Four quid!”

    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: A fancy white shirt

    Not to be confused with an unfancy one…

    white-shirt

    Anyone who has enjoyed the pleasure of a local Job Centre Plus in recent months will have noticed a shift in clientele. Where once you’d find a timid asthmatic sitting next to a man with tattoos on his face, you now have puffy-eyed executives pretending to cheerfully fill in The Times crossword, even though it’s just some paper they dug out from the bin last night as a pillow, and they’re using a shiv for a pen. “What kind of job are you looking for?” asks the kind man from behind the desk. “Company director!” they splutter, falling to the floor, hammering their fists into the carpet. In the background, an asthmatic high fives Mr Tatt-Face man. A beautiful friendship sets sail. These are strange times. Which is why we feel a fresh breeze of joy on our cheeks whenever we hear about lovely bargains. Just two days ago, a certain member of the Interestment family was in a nearby charity shop holding up a white cotton shirt, wondering if the All Saints label made it sexy, or totally rubbish. A well placed fashion friend answered the phone. “Yeah, it’s pretty good, you’d normally expect to pay forty or fifty quid for a shirt.” So guess what? It was three quid!

    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: A lovely picture

    Just who is this priceless mystery woman?

    matts-picture

    Such is the disturbing nature of the current financial downturn that well-heeled young toffs have been spotted actually riding on the tube. Some of them have, of course, been weeping hysterically throughout the journey, whilst others just sit in a stunned, petrified silence. They have never been this close to people without trust funds before. What are they supposed to say? It’s a cold, worrying time. Which is why our insides erupt with glee whenever we hear about a bargain discovery! Just recently, proud new father and great friend of the site, Matt, stumbled across a miraculous picture of a woman and her cat in his local second hand shop. “I was strolling past the shop and there it was, staring at me,” he confided over a sparkling pint of the sweet stuff, “I had to get it.” Having seen the thing, we know just how brilliant it is – she’s a looker. So, come on Matt, how much for this eye-catching centrepiece? “Two quid.”

    Astounding sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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