Five haircuts in lycra shouting “Girl Power!” into whichever microphone was closest probably wasn’t the greatest advert for the rise of the sisterhood in the 1990s. On her own, Beyonce has achieved far more, yet even she managed to shoot herself in the foot by rallying the “single ladies” with what sounded like a war cry, before demanding marriage. There really seem to be so few real renegades. And the big news today is that the Spice Girls have been spotted out having dinner together. Might a reunion be in the offing? Haven’t they reunited once before already? Were they just actually having dinner? Whatever way, they’re all mums now, apart from the one with all the tatts who used to do the roly-polies on stage, so the nation’s menfolk needn’t be quaking in their boots just yet. Plus, Posh Spice wasn’t there. She was too busy lording it up in Los Angeles. Hence, you’ll have to make do with The Saturdays if it’s a strong feminist fix you’re after.
Elsewhere in the world of famous people, the actress Katherine Heigl (below) has joined the elite group of celebrities who adopt, and Ronnie Wood has been turfed out of the sex nest he’s been sharing with that Russian girl. Such news has left the entire showbiz world agog, and a bit frightened.
Brule’s Rules, Body Odour
It’s been quite a week for birthdays in The Rolling Stones – Ronnie Wood spent yesterday evening mixing jelly with ice cream whilst repeatedly thanking the rest of The Stones for his marvelous gifts. While today, his cohort Charlie Watts turns 68. And what a 68 years, most of them spent keeping a straight face during Mick Jagger’s mid-song dance solos, which mainly involve leaping around the stage like a child pretending to be a salmon. Not once has Watts laughed, not once. Hence we thought we should get him a gift, so we scurried to the top of a tree, to where the monkeys live, and spoke in a rare primate dialect until it boiled down to a toss up between a pretend dog dirt to put on stage to throw Jagger, or a funny clip from a television programme. In the end we got him both. Happy Birthday Watts!
Dennis Hopper on James Dean
And lo, the great birthdays continue, with Bob Monkhouse, The Equalizer, Morgan Freeman, Marilyn Monroe and Jesus from Jesus of Nazareth all set for an evening spent in tears around a pub table when they realise just how old they are. Monroe, in particular, is 83. Or, at least, she would have been had she not mistaken barbiturates for Smints. One man who seems unfazed by the aging process, however, is the rock guitarist and lover of young Russians, Ronnie Wood – 62 today. We decided to get him a gift, so we went for a nice meal at Pizza Hut, where we had a deep pan Meaty BBQ, a thin crust Super Supreme, and nine massive glasses of Pepsi, before deciding that Ronnie would either want a carrier bag with lots of buscuits in it, or a clip of the great Dennis Hopper talking about the marvelous James Dean. In the end we got him both. Happy Birthday Ronnie!
Faces, Stay With Me
When Steve Marriott walked out on the Small Faces, in came Ronnie Wood and Rod Stewart, and suddenly they didn’t look so dinky anymore, hence they became just Faces instead. A fantastic band, they gave the world Wood, Stewart, and Worzel Gummidge hair. Brilliant.
Humble Pie, Black Coffee
Steve Marriott is one of only a handful of rock and pop stars to feature in two excellent bands – others include Mick Jones (The Clash, Big Audio Dynamite), Vince Clarke (Depeche Mode, Yazoo), Ronnie Wood (Faces, The Rolling Stones) and Paul Weller (The Jam, The Style Council). Steve’s first was, of course, Small Faces, then he pulled together these guys. They were terrific too.