Not including this old thing…
It’s a great time for the sisterhood. Not so many years ago, once a lady made it past 28, she was either instructed to have a baby immediately, or moved to a remote Scottish island to die a withered nattering porridge-breathed old spinster. Any notion of beauty and sensuality during the ascent into middle age was scoffed at by high society. But, more fool them, because thanks to Barack Obama (probably), women can now get even better looking and sexier during the natural aging process. Here, in no particular order, are ten examples of modern day Cleopatra’s – age cannot wither them…
Salma Hayek, 42
Hayek’s impressive raven hair oscillates between being straight, and being a bit curly, yet her magnificent curves always stay the same, even as she accelerates towards middle age. She still has the kind of taut, aggressive body that gives anxious people the jelly-legs.
Pamela Anderson, 42
Were you to clumsily bundle a street gang into a warehouse and demand at machine gunpoint that they describe the perfect woman, you would return home with a picture of Pamela Anderson in your head – early-40s, someone’s mum, big fake bosoms, no stomach, curves, magnificent bulbous lips, gigantic yellow hair. See, hoodies, if you just focus…
Diane Lane, 44
Fans of 80s Brat Pack classic The Outsiders will already know this woman – she was the preppy posh chick called Cherry Valance who made Matt Dillon feel really horny. She’s now a very attractive 44-year-old woman, married to Josh Brolin.
Davina McCall, 41
When she’s not shouting the end of every sentence into a microphone, or gurning, Davina McCall is a very beautiful woman in her 40s. Her mother was a Frenchman, which could go some way to explaining her slightly Gallic face.
Monica Bellucci, 44
Monica, you might remember, was in Mel Gibson’s rather brutal and over-the-top remake of The Life of Brian, and she’s also enjoyed a few modeling shoots in her time. A stunning woman, she’s Italian or something.
Polly Walker, 43
A beautiful Cheshire lass, Polly was brilliant in Rome – a tale of intrigue, betrayal, bloody murder, and naked women. Polly played the arch seductress Atia, who rarely had any clothes on. A magnificent 40something.
Kate Garraway, 42
Garraway totally splits the Interestment consensus down the middle, with one half baffled at her inclusion ahead of stunners like Jennifer Lopez and Marisa Tomei. But as one member of the family pointed out, “there’s just something about her.” And he might be right. We particularly like that time she breastfed a cow.
Halle Berry, 43
When people look back at Halle Berry’s cinema career, they’ll think of the bit where she came out of the water, seriously tightening 007’s tiny little swimming knickers in the Bond film. Then there was the awful Catwoman disaster, contrasted with the astonishingly long sex scene in that film about racists which snaffled her an Oscar. Great gal.
Liz Hurley, 44
Who could ever forget the time that Hurley turned up at that important function wearing a tatty old dress held together by old Beano badges and bits of rope? What an evening that turned out to be. Since then, over fifteen years ago, she has been a household name. Even though no one is sure what she does.
Cindy Crawford, 43
Cindy Crawford came on the scene in the 1980s, and suddenly it was considered the height of sexiness to have a dark brown mole sitting atop a lady’s lip. Before that, such an intriguing deformity would have you killed, but she was just too gorgeous. And, at 43, still is.
The Joe Piscopo Show, 1985
It’s another one of those weird fantasy dinner party days again, as it’s birthday time for Debbie Harry, Liv Tyler, Dan Ackroyd, Pamela Anderson, Lady Diana, Ruud Van Nistelrooy, and Carl Lewis. What an evening that would be. Harry on vocals, Anderson and Tyler dancing, Diana on canapes, Ackroyd mixing cocktails for a very emotional Van Nistelrooy. Lewis, now 48, talking about himself incessantly. Yeah, on second thoughts… Anyway, we decided we’d get Carl Lewis the gift this year, so we sat in a padding pool discussing present options until it boiled down to a toss up between a framed picture of Jambo from Hollyoaks or a funny clip of Eddie Murphy playing Carl Lewis. In the end we got him both. Happy Birthday Speedster!
Not including this classic…
As always, it’s with a great big handshake, back pat, and toothy smile that we hear from Interestment favourite, Oliver – our fashion expert. Today he thought he’d cast a very intense eye over the world of famous women and their hair. He had this to say…
Hair is great stuff. It keeps your head warm, members of the opposite sex can run their fingers through it, and it’s great for flossing your teeth if you’ve stumbled onto astonishingly hard times. It’s also the head’s natural equivalent of a hat. With that in mind, we thought it time to doff a furry cap to our favourite womanly haircuts from years gone by…
1. The Bob
A tricky one to pull off this, but the Bob – named after the way is gently bobs around a lady’s jawline – is a stone cold classic. Posh Spice and the one that’s married to Tom Cruise have both tried it out, both bringing it a spot of demure sensuality. But we really like it on Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction… even if she did rudely steal her date’s smack, bleed everywhere and nearly die.
2. The GI Jane
In terms of aesthetics, this one is a strong, vivid, almost furious look. Hence, usually a hair don’t reserved only for the brave or mental. Britney Spears did it herself, and freaked everyone out, Miss Sigourney Weaver looked like Mr Sigourney Weaver with hers. And, yet, the troubled Irish singer Sinead O’Connor made having not much hair to speak of look magnificent. And did you know that Sinead is actually an anagram of Skinhead?
3. Massive Look-at-me hair
Big drama-hair can set flashbulbs going like fire crackers at a teenage French boy’s virginity losing party, and the likes of Brigitte Bardot, Pammie, Jane Fonda in Barbarella and Farah Fawcett have all worn magnificent hair. Sadly they are all just dusty hair clippings on the floor of life’s salon compared to the queen of the silver screen – Marilyn Monroe. Her hair was actually made by hobgoblins using angel pubes. Or so legend would have it.
4. Pretend Hair
Wigs are basically lies for your head to deceive the world. Fine if you are bald, ill, or a man, but it’s still a bit like getting big fake boobs done, then pretending that you always had good knockers. No one will ever honestly believe you. Still, we like the things, and the finest wig ever can be found eclipsing Natalie Portman’s natural barnet in the naval gazing tale of unfathomable idiots, Closer. She wore a bubblegum pink wig whilst pole dancing, bless her.