Classic cartoon fun…
Don’t be surprised if Orange Wednesdays suddenly morph into Orange Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays, Mondays, and Tuesdays, because at this rate, no one’s going to have a job, so cinema trips are likely to lose out in a toss up between film or food. Should that happen, then Hollywood will have roughly ten years left to prosper before decaying from the inside out and ending up a smelly ghost town, spattered with people who look like Tom Cruise and his wife feasting on squealing rats in a wheelie bin. It’s a strange, unusual time. Which is why we get stroked by the feathery hand of happiness whenever we hear about a wonderful bargain. Just this very week, friend of the site Johnny stumbled across a fantastic find in his local Protect The Kids (or some such). “I haven’t seen a good film in absolutely ages,” he confided over a Woodbine and a brandy, “so when I saw Akira in the local charity shop, I lurched forward, grabbed the thing, then bought it.” Sounds like standard shopping procedure. And for those who don’t know, Akira is probably the greatest Manga cartoon of them all, certainly the most famous one. So come on, Johnny, how much for this fantastic movie? “50p”
Here’s the trailer…
What about you mister?
For those of you completely let down by today’s offerings, we have been doing little odds and ends for the good people of Muso’s Guide. Most recently, we talked enthusiastically about our favourite movie stars now turning up in TV shows. Go, read, then catch up on some interesting information about music.
Also, should you be on Twitter, do follow us around.
Young, dumb and full of…
Such is the crippling nature of this recession that you shouldn’t be surprised to see your boss – once so suave, so classy – feverishly licking the insides of a discarded Pot Noodle, desperate for nourishment. And to think he used to satisfy his aggressive hunger with baked oysters and truffle mash. Such hard, worrying times. Which is why we scream hysterically and start clapping our hands whenever we hear of a great bargain. Just last night, good friend Jim was telling us over a pint of the warm stuff about a brilliant film he stumbled across. “New films just don’t seem to cut the mustard,” he slurred, weirdly, “but I found Point Break in the charity shop down the road! What a movie!” Jim’s right, it is an excellent film. For those who haven’t been carressed by Point Break‘s gentle beauty, it’s the tale of an FBI agent – stunningly played by Keanu Reeves – on the trail of some bank robbers, who may or may not be surfers. Patrick Swayze also stars as an ace surfer/modern philosopher called Bodhi, who says things like: “If you want the ultimate, you’ve got to be willing to pay the ultimate price”, and “they only live to get radical”. It’s completely brilliant. So come on, Jim, how much for this masterpiece of modern cinema? “One pound!”
Entertainment can be priceless, right guys!
Look around you, doesn’t something feel different? It’s a recession. The only movers and shakers making any bread in this cold financial winter are the entrepreneurs with street smarts – the dodgy DVD sellers, the back of a lorry ebay merchants, the buskers singing upbeat reggae songs. They’re the guys stashing away the millions. Not the idiots still ironing their suits every morning. Hence, we applaud anyone who can trace down a good bargain in these cruel times. So props go out to our pal Tom, who managed to track down one of the greatest New York street gang films ever made. “The cinema is far too expensive now,” he told us, earnestly, “so I was really chuffed when I found The Warriors on video.” Tom, as you can guess, is one of three people in Britain still using VHS. So, tell us Tom, how much was this antique? “50p!”
Enjoy The Warriors trailer after the jump…
Shouldn’t it be called Pretty Prostitute?
What an event it was when we first sat down as a family to watch Pretty Woman. Mum baked a cake, Nan made sure everyone had a piping hot cup of tea, and Grandpa arrived last with a bunch of tissues. This, he explained, was the latest Hollywood superhit, and supposed to be excellent. We huddled together excited. Only to witness two hours of a businessman screwing a prostitute and occasionally waving the floozy under his colleague’s noses like a total bastard. The cousins couldn’t sleep for a week afterwards, and it may not be linked, but eleven or so years later, Nan died. Here’s what innocent children would learn from their so-called “romantic comedy”:
1. If you’re a beautiful, bright young woman, become a prostitute.
2. Okay, now that you’re a whore, start getting excited, because a nice rich businessman will be just around the corner, looking for a wife. It could be you.
Please, stop smiling, you maniac
In the current global climate, it’s important that we all learn to love one another. After all, it’s only a matter of time before we’re all huddled in underground sewers, shoulder to shoulder, hungry and singing love songs to stay awake. Hence, we thought it high time to work on forgiving the public faces that have stirred such bile in the pits of our stomachs and – on occasion – made us actually shout at the television. The kind, innocent television. It didn’t deserve that. First up, Tom Cruise.
He is, of course, an easy target. Numerous po-faced critics have already done a good dismantling job on him, citing his ridiculous religious beliefs – aliens bombed a volcano, now we’re all lizards? – or his weird wife, who was excellent in Dawson’s Creek, but now looks dead behind the eyes. But, we haven’t got a problem with any of those things. We can’t like Tom Cruise because he’s so aggressively friendly. Read more…
Christopher Walken, great actor
No, nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all. It’s good.