Tag Archive: football news

  • Football Drama: Deadline Day, and bottle assault!

    Stand back everyone, maniac coming through


    It’s never anything less than a total joy to hear from an important member of the Interestment family, and today it’s the turn of Steve – a man with an arched eyebrow aimed on football. He had this to say about all things recent and footballish.

    Comedy scenes at Old Trafford on the weekend as Arsenal lose to Manchester United and have their manager sent off for diving. OK, it wasn’t really for diving, he was sent off for kicking. No, not kicking the ref, or Alex Ferguson, or even Emmanuel Eboue (come on, you’d love to wouldn’t you?)… no, instead he toe punted a stationary water bottle. The man’s mental.

    “I didn’t know we were not allowed to do that,” pleaded the Arsenal boss, Arsene Wenger, in a very obviously pretend French accent. A likely story. Rumours of a post-match dust up where he was spotted landing a few very over-the-top rabbit punches on an empty can of Lilt have yet to be confirmed.

    Yesterday was Transfer Deadline Day, a truly great day of pant wetting excitement only comparable in real terms to the joy that is Pancake Tuesday. Luis Figo to Notts County! Ribery to Man United! David James to Spurs!

    Well they were the rumours, instead the highlights were David Nugent joining champions-in-waiting Burnley, David Bentley getting up really early and going all the way to Manchester to not join Man City, and a rather miffed looking journalist spending an entire day outside Fratton Park to watch David James err, train. It was the stuff of dreams, watching the demoralised broadcaster screaming at the back of James’ moving car, begging him to shed some light on what might be going on. Please, David. Please. Pleeeaaaaase.

    And finally, Roy Hodgson has hinted at an unlikely playboy past by saying this:

    “It was a ludicrous succession of affairs”.

    Like finding out that you were conceived after a drunken game of spin the bottle got ridiculous, there are some things that you just don’t ever need to know.

  • Football Drama: Burnley to win!

    And this man’s gone all Apocalypse Now…


    It’s always a complete pleasure to hear from a member of the growing Interestment family, and today is the turn of our funny football guy Steve – he’s got a way with words, make no mistake about that. He had this to say…

    BREAKING NEWS! Burnley are in the Premier League! That’s right Burnley, you heard. It’s great to have another glamour team in the top flight, and, naturally, there is now an almighty scrap going on between them, Bolton, Blackburn, Hull and Sunderland for the most beautifully situated Premier League Club. Don’t worry though Stoke fans, your crown is safe. Possibly forever.

    As it turns out Burnley are pretty handy at footie, having beaten Everton and Manchester United in the last week! Yes sir, you read correctly – Manchester United, Premier League and World Champions. This makes Burnley the best team in the league and almost certainly the world. Owen Coyle had this to say:

    “This place gets a bad reputation,”

    “People call us ramshackle but I’m from the old school.”

    “The whole place was absolutely rocking!”

    As is really quite evident the Burnley manager is a rap/stadium rock fusion artist in his spare time. Somewhere in the region of Dizzee Rascal crossed with Status Quo. Utterly mind-blowing.

    Over at Goodison Park, Welshman Mark Hughes has royally kicked David Moyes’ taut Scottish bottom at the world’s longest ever game of Top Trumps and has finally signed a very mediocre centre-back called Julian something (?). Expect Moyes to get his own back in a playground tussle very soon.

    And finally, Gary “The Ginger Mourinho” Megson has turned very mystical in the art of football management:

    “When you’re stood there watching what is going on you’re always sceptical to what actually did happen.”

    He then went on to say something about trees falling in forests and not making much noise. But to be honest, we’d stopped listening.

  • Football Window Watch: Wolves

    No, stupid, not that kind of window etc…


    As ever, we welcome Eliot into the Interestment fold with big hugs and high fives. Today, he wraps up his brilliant Transfer Window series with talk of Wolves…

    What they need


    Whilst Wolves ultimately ran away with the Championship, their goals conceded record was less sparkling, averaging over a goal a game shipped. Reading, Preston and Swansea each put three past them, whilst Norwich whacked eight in across two matches. Ebanks-Blake (pictured) and Doyle should sparkle upfront but across the midfield, some help for Keogh, Kightly, and the excellent David Jones wouldn’t go amiss either.

    Who they don’t need

    Chris Iwelumo won’t be missed were he to exit. Certainly not by as much as he missed that anyway.

    Don’t mention

    Sunderland. And Mick McCarthy’s sensational last effort at Premier League survival with a team from the top of the Championship. The season did however end in triumph, as the Black Cats just managed to secure enough points to stop them from driving.

    Inevitably linked with


    Ageing Brits. Irishmen. The new Stevie Bull.

    Any other business

    The last time Wolves came up to the top flight, their summer spending list included Oleg Luzhny, Silas (who was indeed golden for a brief spell at Molineux,) and Steffen Iversen. McCarthy’s business in July must be better than that, although arguably, its tough to imagine anybody drawing up a worse wishlist.

  • Football Window Watch: Hull

    Nooo, not that window, big nose, the Transfer Window!


    It’s with the usual mug of fresh coffee and blueberry muffin that we welcome Eliot – the most fantastic football writer – into the Interestment fold. Here, it’s the turn of lovely Hull in the Transfer Window series…

    What they need

    A manager allergic to limelight would be a start. Current gaffer Phil Brown is drawn to publicity like the proverbial moth to a flame, and much of his antics provided a distraction from the real business of survival. On the playing side, a better left back is a priority – too many of the goals Hull conceded in the second half of the season came from that side.

    Who they don’t need


    A dressing room evidently. Moreover, the old timers Boateng and Barmby tired drastically from February onwards, and were a key reason behind Hull’s dramatic collapse. Fagan and Folan not only share the first and last letters of their surname, but also the fact they aren’t Premier League class.

    Don’t mention

    The weather. Its never overcast in the Brown household but players from warmer climes may wish to experience some natural sun too.

    Inevitably linked with


    Dean Windass (again.) Loan signings from the big four. The aged

    Any other business

    With Phil Brown prone to humiliating his players, it may be difficult for him to convince new signings that a move to the Tigers is beneficial for their general wellbeing

  • Football Window Watch: Fulham

    Not this kind of window, the Transfer Window!


    As ever, it’s with a kind smile and a warm cigar that we welcome Eliot – our number one football guy – into the kindly Interestment bosom. He had this to say about the business side of things at Fulham…

    What they need


    With John Pantsil eventually coming good towards the end of last season, Fulham’s under-rated backline should once more stand them in good stead this season. What may be handy particularly away from home (when they tend to see far less of the ball), is an energetic ball-winner to play alongside the genteel Danny Murphy.

    Who they don’t need

    Hameur Bouazza managed to appear in the Birmingham City vs Charlton Athletic fixture for both sides last season, a feat made all the more remarkable by the fact he was registered at Fulham. There has been very little else of interest about Bouazza thus far in his Fulham career. Questions about Bobby Zamora remain too.

    Don’t mention

    Robert Rosario. Or any player with an ‘r’ in their name in fact.

    Inevitably linked with

    West Ham players. Norwegians. Swedes

    Any other business


    Hodgson has an encylopedic knowledge of Scandinavian football, garnered from managerial spells in Sweden, Denmark and Finland. There are already five Scandinavians at Fulham, and expect Hodgson to be rifling through his contact book to bring in a few more as the season gets closer.