Tag Archive: credit crunch

  • Second hand bargain: A Winter Jumper

    Don’t be fooled, it’s almost here…

    Wooly Jumper

    Unless it is now howling with rain in beautiful, sunny India, we are not – as some had hoped – enjoying an Indian Summer. If anything, we are now in the very midst of a cruel Scottish Summer. The skies will soon be charcoal grey, the streets will be awash with angry hail stones mixed in with the tears of broken businessmen. Former go-getting high flyers, still reeling from the cruel punch in the underpants delivered by last year’s credit crunch. Some say that it is getting better, but the rise of the machines – the iPhones, the internets, the robotronic tea making devices – suggests that soon there won’t be any use for normal everyday humans working behind office desks, or check out counters. No, the robots will have the jobs. The rest of us will be left signing on electronically at a neon dole office. These are weird, futuristic times. Which is why we still go crackers with joy whenever we catch wind of a good old fashioned bargain. Just this weekend good friend of the site Paul made one heck of a discovery in his local Look After the Cats. “I like to be well prepared for any seasonal shifts,” he told us, warming his hands on a rather unnecessary hot water bottle, “so when I saw a nice warm jumper, I grabbed it with my left hand.” It is, by the way, a nice Icelandic number, and looks hotter than a kangaroos tummy pouch. So, come on Paulie, how much did you pay for for this massive sweater? “Three quid.”

    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: Akira

    Classic cartoon fun…


    Don’t be surprised if Orange Wednesdays suddenly morph into Orange Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays, Mondays, and Tuesdays, because at this rate, no one’s going to have a job, so cinema trips are likely to lose out in a toss up between film or food. Should that happen, then Hollywood will have roughly ten years left to prosper before decaying from the inside out and ending up a smelly ghost town, spattered with people who look like Tom Cruise and his wife feasting on squealing rats in a wheelie bin. It’s a strange, unusual time. Which is why we get stroked by the feathery hand of happiness whenever we hear about a wonderful bargain. Just this very week, friend of the site Johnny stumbled across a fantastic find in his local Protect The Kids (or some such). “I haven’t seen a good film in absolutely ages,” he confided over a Woodbine and a brandy, “so when I saw Akira in the local charity shop, I lurched forward, grabbed the thing, then bought it.” Sounds like standard shopping procedure. And for those who don’t know, Akira is probably the greatest Manga cartoon of them all, certainly the most famous one. So come on, Johnny, how much for this fantastic movie? “50p”

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    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

    Here’s the trailer…

  • Second hand bargain: Some wonderful literature

    The original O.C in many ways…

    Sweet Valley

    It’s not just the grown ups suffering in this cruel financial downturn, think of the teenagers. A year ago, with mum and dad away “on business”, opportunistic offspring would take the bull by the horns, and throw gargantuan house parties, involving much cider, at least nine people violently throwing up, and almost every girl present would take a turn at weeping for attention. The night would finally come to an abrupt end with a sea of wasted youngsters sucking one another’s necks like they were high powered hoovers and the neck were a filthy carpet that needed a once over, and the host spazzing out because their prey for the evening decided to get off with someone considerably hotter but not nearly as wealthy. It’s not fair! But now look at these spoilt little oiks. With daddy fired from his bank job, they’ve had to relocate to shopping centres and car parks. It’s only a matter of time before their boredom drives them to carving shivs from bits of discarded wood and old razors. They’ll end up in chokey. Make no mistake about that. These are strange, worrying times. Which is why we go berserk with joy whenever we catch wind of a wonderful bargain, and only this week friend of the site Carol stumbled across an excellent find in her local Save the Cats (or some such). “I used to love Sweet Valley High books when I was a teenager,” she told us, whilst simultaneously preening herself in a hand held mirror, “so when I saw about eight of them on the book shelf in my local charity shop, I took the lot.” For those unfortunate enough not to have had the pleasure, these chronicles tell the story of a beautiful set of twins called Elizabeth and Jessica, who swan around California having the time of their lives. The books are a little bit like Less Than Zero minus the drugs. They’re brilliant. So come on, Carol, how much for these hard hitting books about teenagers? “20p each!”

    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: An old X-Men comic

    All for charity, this one…

    X Men

    Such is the worrying extent of this cruel financial winter that people who would never have considered joining the army, or teaching, or plumbing a few months ago are now having a massive career rethink. Which basically means that our national borders will soon be defended by disgruntled ad execs shouting slogans as they sithe through bad guys. Our children will be taught the essentials by ex-journalists who once stood in the same room as Liam Gallagher, and think that makes them interesting. Our pipes will be mended by men in expensive suits, carrying their kit in a briefcase. These are strange, unsettling times. Which is why we go bonkers with glee whenever we hear about wonderful second hand finds. Just this weekend, friend of the site Simon stumbled across a brilliant comic in his local charity shop. “It’s an X-Men comic from 1985,” he told us over a very frothy milkshake, “and all of the proceeds from this particular issue went to famine relief in Africa, so it was a charity comic.” We are, of course, big fans of charity, Simon, and that particular famine was a bastard – we remember it well. The comic features the X-Men heading into Africa to feed the hungry – it’s a wonderful installment. So, come on Si, how much for this well-meant superhero yarn? “A quid!”

    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: Gladiator

    Father of a married son, husband to a beautiful daughter etc…


    As with so many periods of chaos, the cruel financial winter has sparked a wave of hysterical behaviour from grown men, as they hurtle around firing people and waving money in your face shouting “mine, this is mine, this money… is mine!”. Their regal masks of superiority slipping clean off, replaced by the gurning face of greed, the stone-hearted unemotional blank eyes of nastiness, and the soft, useless penis of middle/upper management. Yet sadly, in this day and age, revenge is considered rather unprofessional, so we are forced to endure the fact that these oiky little toads will probably survive the downturn unscathed, and go on to lead long and happy lives, blissfully unaware that around 94.8 per cent of the people they have met over the years have secretly despised them. It’s a strange, higgledy-piggledy time. Which is why we get kissed on the face by the sweet caress of glee whenever we catch wind of a wonderful bargain. Just this very weekend, friend of the site Al stumbled across a fantastic revenge film in his local Save the Cats – or something. “One of my all time favourite films is Gladiator,” he told us, attempting a Russell Crowe voice, “so when I saw it on the DVD shelf, I lurched forward and grabbed it, I was over the moon!” As anyone would be, Al, it’s a gripping movie, make no mistake about that. So come on, how much for this sword-sandals-and-a-tiger romp? “50p”

    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: Lacoste polo shirts

    The second best around…


    It’s only when you find yourself in a proverb situation that you realise just how true these weird little nuggets are. Hence why you won’t see any cooks shaking their heads in disagreement should you declare that too many of them would spoil a broth – they’ve been there, six or seven crowded around one stove, a tiny kitchen, all trying to take control of a soup. They ruined it. They know they did. And it’s also why we no longer stare into horses mouths. Another such proverb situation has arisen thanks to the cruel financial downturn, which has turned former choosers into lowly beggars – meaning that we have all had to make do with what we can get. Once high-flying businessmen are having to endure the bitter pill of economy sausages where once they had fillet steaks, young go-getters have been forced to replace expensive bags of narcotics with weak lagers that were on offer. These are strange, transitional times. Which is why we go bonkers whenever we catch wind of a wonderful bargain. Just this weekend, friend of the site Roberto enjoyed a successful second hand shopping spree, even though he had to make do with his second choice. “I’m normally a Fred Perry man when it comes to polo shirts, but this shop was selling Lacoste ones, so I bought about four,” he told us, whilst simultaneously sporting one of the wonderful tops, “I guess beggars can’t be choosers.” You took the words right out of our mouths, Robbie! So, come on, how much for these still-excellent items of loveliness? “A fiver each!”

    That’s amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: A portable record player

    For grown ups as well as kids…


    One of the real cock punches brought about by the sudden financial downturn came when high-flying business execs had to relinquish their company freebies. That meant no more swish company car, no more strippers on the company credit card, and no more snazzy iPhone upgrades. You’ll be able to spot these men quite easily now, they’re the ones nervously half-walking/half-running along the pavement, muttering gently to themselves, occasionally yelling at traffic, or weeping hysterically on the floor in Tescos. They’ve been pretty ruthlessly broken, making these some pretty weird, uncomfortable times. Hence why we feel a sudden rush of oh-it’s-not-so-bad whenever we hear about a wonderful bargain. Just this very week, friend of the site Brian stumbled across one heck of a find whilst rooting around in his local Cancer Research. “There it was, a portable kiddie’s turntable from the 1980s,” he laughed, sounding either drunk or ecstatic, “thinking about it, this was probably the equivalent of owning an iPod back then.” What a fantastic find, Brian, just perfect for those summer afternoons when you’ve hit the park with a hamper of cold meats and tasty salads, a few bieres, and a crate of vinyl records. So, come on, how much did this wonderful plastic antique set you back? “Four quid!”

    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: Loads of books

    Like, literally loads…


    Mind and body have always maintained an awkward relationship, with one keen to sit down and read, while the other wants to bounce around doing stuff. It’s tricky to find that middle ground. Hence why it’s rare that you’ll meet a body sculptor with much to say, or an English professor with a couple of growling pectorals threatening to burst through his sensible shirt. It’s pretty much one or the other. In this cruel financial downturn, however, body is beginning to take an upper hand, as withered businessmen fight to fend off the post-traumatic stress of getting fired by jogging in parks, or sitting on roadsides bench pressing old bricks or discarded Coke cans. They can’t afford to feed their minds, making for some strange, rather stupid, times. Times that are so weird and mean that we dance for joy whenever we hear about intellectual bargains. Just this weekend, a very high ranking member of the Interestment family stumbled upon an old charity shop flogging books for 10p each – and not just your rubbish Robbie Williams and Sharon Osbourne biogs either. These guys had Salinger, Bukowski, Hemingway, Rushdie, Amis, Oliver. All the good stuff. And thus, a bag was stuffed to the brim, and a doddering old lady behind the counter demanded “£1.40”. She was given £1.50 and told to keep the change.

    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession! Take THAT body!

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  • Second hand bargain: A great party record

    A much-needed dancing essential


    It’s been such a cruel financial winter, cunningly disguised by what is turning out to be one heck of a sunny season. Blinded by the rays beaming down from the heavens, you probably haven’t noticed that the tramps are now wearing tatty Armani suits, and the cup for any spare change is actually a very nice hand made brief case from Milan. But the major difference is that these tramps are saving up for cocaine and cava, not your usual skag. It’s a strange time. Very strange. Which is why we go absolutely wild whenever we catch wind of a fantastic bargain. Just today, friend of the site Jo got in touch with tales of an excellent musical find. “I’ve been on the lookout for a summer soundtrack, and I think I’ve found it,” she declared, brandishing a very shiny vinyl record, “it was in a crate at my local NSPCC and I just liked the look of it.” We popped it on the Interestment turntable, and sure enough, it’s an absolute belter – perfect for outdoor Summer dancing. So come on, Jo, how much for this excellent record? “A quid”

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    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

    Here’s the song…

  • Second hand bargain: A great read

    Beware of the dog


    As we slip ever further into the deep financial winter, don’t be surprised to find a shift in the clientele at TK Maxx. Once home to a million angry teens with huge diamond studs, all waddling aggressively in search of nifty looking street gear, you might spot one or two rather more swarthy types sweeping through the polo shirt section. Or perhaps you will catch the scent of something sexy and French amidst the usual cloud of Stunning by Jordan? These are strange, higgledy-piggledy times. Which is why we exhale enormously and punch the skies above whenever we hear about excellent finds in second hand shops. Just today, friend of the site Ethan stumbled across an astonishingly good read in his local RSPCA shop. “I’ve been signing on for the last couple of months, so was really on the lookout for a cheap book, when I saw The Hound of The Baskervilles,” he told us, taking a sharp drag on a tiny rolled up cigarette that looked like it was burning his fingers, “I practically had to wrestle it off and old man who’d spotted it as well.” The good news is that Ethan won that particular dog fight, and went home with probably Sherlock Holmes‘ most excellent adventure. So come of, E-man, how much for this wonderful tale of hounds and Baskervilles? “40p”

    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: Some espadrilles

    The shoe of kings…


    Such is the cruel nature of the nasty financial winter that men who once walked down the streets with their heads held high can now be found lurking in alleyways, weeping behind bins. Afraid to return home to the woman who demands perfection. They have nothing to give her any more – all the good meat at the good butchers isn’t reserved for their kind, and the only wine in his price bracket has already been guzzled by a tramp. These are appalling, mystifying times. Which is why we go bonkers and punch the sky whenever we hear about bargains. Just today, friend of the site Raymond thought he’d get in touch about a wonderful set of summer slippers. “I was in the local Cancer Research, and they were flogging these amazing espadrilles,” he told us, practically choking on his own joy, “so I bought about four pairs!” Four pairs? That is quite the bulk buy, Raymond, so come on, spill the beans, how much for these cork soled delights? “£3.50 a pair!”

    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: A great Arnie film

    It’s only Conan The Barbarian!


    As the world slips deeper into the white hot financial cauldron, it’s a time for heroes. Men/women who will face the growling black hole face-on, their briefcases held aloft, a guttural roar surging from deep within their souls – where the rage lives. And yet, for the most part, adult businessmen can be found hiding behind alleyway bins, attempting to lick the remaining contents from a four-week-empty bottle of Southern Comfort, while the rest of society patiently fills in the Guardian crossword whilst waiting to sign on. These are topsy-turvy, higgledy-piggledy times. Which is why we still appreciate the warm breeze of comfort that strokes our buttocks whenever we hear about an excellent bargain. Just this weekend, a great big tough guy called Dan stumbled across a brilliant film about a hero whilst killing time in his local Save The Children. “I remember watching Conan The Barbarian when I was about ten,” he bragged, knowing full well that it was an 18, “so when I saw it, I thought I’d get it – I’d forgotten what an excellent film it is!” It is indeed a great movie, Dan. Probably Arnie’s second best. So, come on, how much for this sexy and violent barbarian romp? “50p”

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    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

    Here’s the trailer from 1982…

  • Second hand bargain: Colourful Watches

    What’s the time Disco Wolf?


    Yes, these are tough times. The sun might be burning the tops of your shoulders red raw, but the real harm is coming courtesy of this damn recession burning a gigantic hole in your bank account. No one has any money any more. No one does any work. There are no jobs. Three years from now, you might pass your boss in the street, you slightly podgier – thanks to the cruelty of time – but him stooped on all fours, rampaging through street bins in search of breakfast. Ruined by his premature success, destroyed by his ego. Going completely berserk. It’s a weird, frantic time. Which is why we stop dead in our tracks and feel the warm caress of glee whenever we hear about a great find in a second hand shop. Just this weekend, while the rest of us lay face down in the park, friend of the site Danny was uncovering a startling find in a nearby Save The Children. “They had about five of these really colourful watches,” he yapped down the phone, “so I got three of them, one for the missus, two for me!” She will surely be delighted, and they do look very cheerful. So, come on, clever cloggs, how much for these retina-scarring time keepers? “Two quid each!”

    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: A sensitive T-shirt

    Have we STILL not saved them?


    Only a year ago,  airports would have been awash with bloated businessmen with suckling pig skin, limping back from whichever European city they deemed worthy of degrading for the weekend. They’d get home, shower thoroughly, then get around to booking Tuscany for the wife and kids. Heathrow was in the throws of silly season. And yet, there it stands, Terminal Five, a flying paradise where you can eat some Gordon Ramsay boil-in-the-bag, or buy fine trinkets to drape around your feminine wrists. But it’s empty. Deserted. All that remains is the echo of loud honking city boy voices that are still bouncing off the walls from eight or nine months ago. People don’t go on holiday anymore, they hide. These are strange, unsettling times. Which is why we go completely berserk whenever we hear about decent bargains. Just two days ago, friend of the site Stuart enjoyed a wonderful hippy moment in a local NSPCC joint. “In amongst all the strife we’ve forgotten about the whales,” he roared down the phone, sounding completely off his face, “so when I spotted a Save The Whales T-shirt, I remembered them, so I bought it!” And so anyone should. Although, we assumed they’d already been saved, having seen quite a few of them on Planet Earth. But no matter, come on Stuart, how much for this important message emblazoned across your womanly chest? “Two quid!”

    Excellent sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: A fancy white shirt

    Not to be confused with an unfancy one…


    Anyone who has enjoyed the pleasure of a local Job Centre Plus in recent months will have noticed a shift in clientele. Where once you’d find a timid asthmatic sitting next to a man with tattoos on his face, you now have puffy-eyed executives pretending to cheerfully fill in The Times crossword, even though it’s just some paper they dug out from the bin last night as a pillow, and they’re using a shiv for a pen. “What kind of job are you looking for?” asks the kind man from behind the desk. “Company director!” they splutter, falling to the floor, hammering their fists into the carpet. In the background, an asthmatic high fives Mr Tatt-Face man. A beautiful friendship sets sail. These are strange times. Which is why we feel a fresh breeze of joy on our cheeks whenever we hear about lovely bargains. Just two days ago, a certain member of the Interestment family was in a nearby charity shop holding up a white cotton shirt, wondering if the All Saints label made it sexy, or totally rubbish. A well placed fashion friend answered the phone. “Yeah, it’s pretty good, you’d normally expect to pay forty or fifty quid for a shirt.” So guess what? It was three quid!

    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: Stan Smiths

    Brilliant, brilliant trainers…


    Not so long ago – in the days when you could wander a high street without having to endure the muffled sobs of an ex-banker hiding in a bin – city boys used to love bank holidays. Absolutely love them. They’d get to drive their small shiny cars around for three days, pile an extra few mountains of cocaine up their blistering nostrils, and treat women exactly like prostitutes. But now look at them – playing their battery powered keyboards in shopping centres, desperate for pennies. Some are even pretending to be blind. These are sad, depressing, shoeless times. Which is why we go absolutely bonkers whenever we hear about wonderful bargains. Just this very bank holiday, good friend James had one heck of a time in a local bargain basement. “There’s a shop near me that just sells junk,” he began, sipping sharply on a thimble of single malt, “I like to go in and look at the ridiculous old copies of Smash Hits and things like that, normally I’d never buy anything, but then I saw a pair of Stan Smiths, totally box fresh! I just had to get them.” Of course you did, James, these are probably the best trainers around. Everyone knows that. So, come on Blondie, how much for these marvelous sneakers? “Ten quid!”

    Fantastic sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: A Superman Lunch Box

    Every man should have one…


    Well, it’s official, this recession is here to stay. We know this because we saw a group of tramps furiously debating a cider buying strategy around a makeshift boardroom table in the park. The table was made from an old bit of cardboard, a log, three empty bumper bottles of Euphoric Thunder cooking sherry, and a dead cat. The men were all in Armani suits – ripped Armani suits, with the stains of failed toilet attempts bringing the price down on the trousers. Have these financial wizards even been home since they got the boot? Did they manage to catch the names of their ex-employees in a discarded Sunday Times Rich List? These are sad, drunken times. Which is why we go totally overboard with delight whenever we catch wind of a successful shopping trip. Just this weekend good friend Reg – just about the only successful suit wearer we know – had one heck of a day in a local second hand shop. “I was in a very strange place where they literally sell anything and everything,” he muttered, confused, “when I stumbled across a fantastic lunch box – a Superman one.” How fitting, in this time of financial downturn, to find such a symbol of strength. We approve, Reg. So, come on, how much for this child’s suitcase that you’re going to use ironically? “About seven quid”.

    Fantastic sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: A wonderful sun visor

    All the way from Vegas, baby!


    It’s a strange marriage when you hit the Spring/Summer, and yet the recession is still looming large. Something doesn’t quite fit. The cruel financial winter suits the actual seasonal Winter, mainly because poverty seems much more vivid when it leaves a smear of cold on a fallen businessman’s cheek. The same cheek that used to press down on fine silken sheets, or the one that used to lie drunkenly on the naked breast of a colleague from accounts. It used to be such a cheerful, podgy cheek. Now it’s gaunt, sweaty, taut. These are mean times. Which is why we adore it when we hear about excellently found bargains. Just this weekend, our good friend David had one heck of a time in his local charity shop. “I wasn’t expecting it to be so bright and hot,” he confessed, fingering his Lilt, “so when I saw this old Las Vegas visor, I snapped it up.” Judging by the pictures, it’s a terrific piece of headgear, complete with suggestive symbols of gambling, like dice – so appropriate during times of panic. So come on, David, how much for this stylish, poignant purchase? “A quid!”

    Fantastic sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: A cardigan

    Knitwear, but for a gentleman…


    In these unbearable financial times, the world is morphing into a very strange place indeed. Former company directors – now unemployed – are looking to their childhood for comfort, leaving the streets awash with grown men in fancy dress cowboy outfits, just weeping. It’s a sorry, surreal, depressing time. Which is why we go bonkers whenever we hear about a good bargain! Just today friend of the site, Richard, found an excellent garment to dress up in. “I stumbled across a really nice cardigan in my local charity shop,” he beamed, “and I absolutely love cardigans.” He’s not the only one, we’re also big fans of woollen underjackets, even better when they’re cashmere. So, come on Richard, how much for this gorgeous cardi? “Four quid.”

    Fantastic sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: Superman comics

    This strip was not amongst them…


    Such is the cruel, mystifying nature of this current financial downturn that miracles are becoming almost as frequent as tales of misery and drunken fights. This is because as the rich man weakens, the poor man grows ever stronger. Soon they will be equals on the dating circuit, and you will see supermodels dining on benches with tramps, amazing Hollywood actresses snogging war veterans in shop doorways. It’s a confusing, but exciting time. Which is why we go bonkers for bargains. Over the weekend, friend of a friend, Jeff, stumbled across a potential goldmine in his most local second hand emporium. “I don’t know a great deal about comics,” he admitted, almost tearfully, “but I know a bargain when I see one, and this bundle of old Superman and Batman comics looked like it was worth a pretty penny.” We have since perused the collection, and it is, indeed, a mighty fine one. So, come on Jeff, how much for this desirable pile of animated stories? “It works out at about 5p for each comic.”

    Excellent sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: A lovely picture

    Just who is this priceless mystery woman?


    Such is the disturbing nature of the current financial downturn that well-heeled young toffs have been spotted actually riding on the tube. Some of them have, of course, been weeping hysterically throughout the journey, whilst others just sit in a stunned, petrified silence. They have never been this close to people without trust funds before. What are they supposed to say? It’s a cold, worrying time. Which is why our insides erupt with glee whenever we hear about a bargain discovery! Just recently, proud new father and great friend of the site, Matt, stumbled across a miraculous picture of a woman and her cat in his local second hand shop. “I was strolling past the shop and there it was, staring at me,” he confided over a sparkling pint of the sweet stuff, “I had to get it.” Having seen the thing, we know just how brilliant it is – she’s a looker. So, come on Matt, how much for this eye-catching centrepiece? “Two quid.”

    Astounding sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: Some new frames

    As worn by Run DMC


    Not only is everyone running out of money, but now it’s snowing. Anyone who saw The Day After Tomorrow will already be on their way to New York to save the planet. For the rest of us, it’s a great time to bargain hunt, because old people will be too afraid to leave the house to rummage around charity shops. Today, we are enormously impressed by our good friend Matthew, who found an excellent set of glasses frames at a car boot sale. “They’re actual Cazal frames, like the ones from the 1980s,” he whooped, to a confused silence. “They’re cool.” Newly educated, we asked him the million dollar question – how much? “I got them for five quid, normally they’d be at least ten times that.”

    Phenomenal sticking-it-to-the-recession!

    Enjoy Run DMC after the jump…

    Read more…

  • Shocking fashion news from the inside

    It’s official, we’re going to have to start sewing


    Ever since the nation threw itself into financial free fall, we’ve been fretting about the state of our wardrobe. What’s going to happen to it? Can we still afford to pay foreign kids to stitch our jeans? How long before M&S goes under, and we can’t find another decent vest shop? Well, the answers came flooding in yesterday via a very wise fashion brain, sensually known as Oliver. The whisper on the underground is that we’re all going to go a bit punk rock and start making our own clothes again, most probably from bits of old bike chain, bin liners, and patches of cashmere. We’ve made a start by piercing one another’s noses with a fork.

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