See what we had to say about this woman…
For those still craving words and opinions, we have been doing odds and ends for the fantastic grown up gossip site Hecklerspray. This week, we decided to take a microscope out of our pocket and examine some absolutely gorgeous older women, including Cindy Crawford, Jennifer Lopez, Sadie bloody Frost, and someone called The Body. Read all about that here.
If you like laughing at things, and people telling funny jokes, then you might be interested to know that the first Interestment comedy night is taking place in South London on September 4th. It promises an excellent line up of new up-and-coming comedians upstairs, and a couple of very withered old DJs playing soul, funk and rap records downstairs. Come along! It’s only three quid or something. More about that here.
Dares to look nice in swimming gear…
It’s been the phenomenon of the summer, this new breed of elderly women that dare to pass 40 and still look sexually attractive with their clothes off. As everyone of sound mind knows, once you pass 40, it’s time to slowly remove yourself from society and silently allow all of your body parts to embark on their slow descent towards your knees. That way, once you reach actual old age, you might resemble an owl wearing a flesh poncho. That’s the aim anyway. Or, should we say, that WAS the aim? Because now, there is a whole host of elderly rebels – led by the one-time supermodel Cindy Crawford – who have stuck a middle finger up to the heavens and insisted on maintaining their gorgeousness for as long as they bloody well like. It’s a brave, terrifying move, and just today showbusiness desks all around London have been thrown into a petrified silence by pictures of Sadie Frost – the one who bore Jude Law a mighty litter of will-be Pixie Geldofs – bouncing around in Ibiza, wearing a bikini, looking magnificent, like someone in their 20s. One celebrity journalist in particular seems aghast that this woman can be 44.
Elsewhere in the world of showbusiness, the irreverent celebrity sites – ie. just the same as Heat, only with the occasional “shit” thrown in to show how dangerous and unbelievably irreverent they are – have been all over the ongoing Andre and Jordan saga like dogs-on-string sniffing around rancid festival toilets. And Keisha from the Sugababes (below) went out for a few drinks and got totally drunk.
Judging a talent show…
Yes, drink it in. Drink in the big tasty mug of sweet sweet irony. Victoria Beckham is judging a talent show – specifically American Idol. It’s the equivalent of Satan presenting Crimewatch. It all comes in the wake of Paula Abdul’s withdrawal from the judging panel, which is actually a great shame for the show. Part of the joy of watching American Idol came from witnessing words fall from Paula’s mouth at random, rarely forming actual sentences, and definitely never making sense. It was probably the American Idol judging equivalent of letting a toddler loose on your computer keyboard and seeing what happens. One journalist in particular seems convinced that Posh Spice will only appear as a guest judge, before going back to doing what she does best… erm. Whatever that might be.
Elsewhere in the sensual world of celebrities, showbusiness trousers have been seriously tightened by pictures of Cindy Crawford – a very old woman (below, plus bottom) – draped over a yacht wearing a bikini. Britney is further proving her sanity by not shaving all of her hair off, and barking at people. And Guy Ritchie – the man who puts the “oi oi” in “hoity toity” – is enjoying big celebrity business at his proper cockney boozer. That’s in Mayfair.
Arrghhh, get her out of my eyes!
It’s a known fact that to win an Oscar, you have to ugly yourself up for a role – hence why Tom Hanks has always been so successful. It’s also why gorgeous people like Brad Pitt, Jordan, Justin from Hollyoaks, and Jessica Alba are looked over year after year, even though they’re probably the four greatest living actors. It’s a real shame, and the latest looker who has had to thump her face with the ugly fist for a role is Mariah Carey. Normally so gorgeous, with her big inflatable bosoms and no nonsense approach to make up, she has silenced diners in a million Hollywood restaurants by turning up to film shoots for the movie Precious with her face untainted by lipsticks and blushers. Obviously she looks disgusting, and if her plain face is anything to go by, she should win Best Actress.
In other news, everyone is really impressed by Cheryl Cole‘s ability to dress a little bit like a prostitute with her Girls Aloud band mates, and Cindy Crawford has stunned one showbiz reporter by being 43 years old, but still sexually attractive. That hasn’t happened since Sean Connery. Here she is before she became an old woman…