Yes, people saw everything… ie. nipple
Science is great, it teaches us everything we need to know about breathing oxygen in, and carbon dioxide out. Without it, we wouldn’t know that bubbling water equals hot water, so amongst many other great life lessons, it’s prevented lots of embarrassing burns related humiliations. Plus, more recently, science has brought to our attention exactly what happens when a flash camera comes into near-contact with a silky black top – it renders the flimsy blouse almost entirely see-through. Hence, the clever celebrities who read books and manuals now know to pop on an undergarment if they’re heading into a heavily policed paparazzi zone wearing a sexy little black number. But unfortunately, it appears that the mathletes in Girls Aloud don’t bother with education now that they’re famous, so when Nadine Coyle – the lead singer, and third most beautiful – decided to swan around LA in a black top minus a supportive bra, those with cameras were placed on full nipple alert. And bingo, the circular Irish private part has zipped around celebrity news desks, leaving one particular journalist guffawing into his large cappuccino, wondering whether she’s done the whole thing on purpose, so that people might take her seriously as a solo artist. An argument that would suggest that she does understand important scientific logic after all. Have we been wrong all along about these girls?
In other important celebrity news, one or two members of the high ranking showbiz press are astonished that Helena Bonham Carter opted to wear a certain red swimming costume on holiday, as they have issues with what the garment is doing to her figure, particularly around the buttock area. And over in sunny England, Mark Owen is making an honest man of himself by marrying his girlfriend.
Big Brother’s conjoined twins…
Thanks to reality television, Susan Boyle – the Scottish guy who really should win Britain’s Got Talent – is going completely mental. This is because there is no such place as Fame Mountain any more. Fame Mountain, for those who don’t know, was a paradise – a sanctuary – where talented, gorgeous people could swan around in secret, listening only to the gentle strums of harp music, or the booming magnificence of their own sacred voices as they sacked someone on speaker-phone. But it is no more. Nowadays, celebrities are so numerous that they have to live down here with us normals. They are forced to bathe in the same waters as us, shop on the same rowdy street markets as us, and sometimes they even live on the same roads as us. It’s totally bonkers. And, hence, spotting these amazing people has become like a sport.
Just this week, many of you have enjoyed a field day, with someone spotting one of those people who does the slightly smug links on T4. Then Stefan saw Clive James of being Clive James fame doddering around on Regent’s Street, looking “about a million years old”. But this week’s big winner is Kelly, who spotted Thing One and Thing Two from Big Brother. “They were sitting next to me in the Topshop cafe,” confirms Kelly. Excellent work.
Kelly wins this week’s Interestment Mix Tape, which features The Chiffons, Rod Stewart, and some amazing synthesizer music.
Email your spots to [email protected]
Model rubs shoulders with normals…
Now that there are five functioning channels on the average television set, it’s easy to become famous. Chances are that you’ve either got a close friend who has enjoyed a decent level of celebrity, or you might even have enjoyed an evening of chocolates and sexual intercourse with someone who popped up on X Factor. Hence, the rich and good looking have been slowly oozing into normal society for the last decade, and nowadays many of them live their lives on our doorsteps. Some even eat the same food as us. We enjoy nothing more than spotting them.
Just this week, friend of the site Rob enjoyed staring into the eyes of Preston – of Ordinary Boys and Chantelle Houghton fame. “I saw him in Brighton, just walking around,” says Rob. On a similar fame level, an Interestment outing was disturbed for a couple of seconds by the face of the angry bloke from This Is England. But the winner of this week’s Interestment Mix Tape – featuring Eric B and Rakim, James Brown and Television – is Matt, who spotted a skinny woman called Kate Moss smoking a cigarette outside a trendy bowling alley in London. “She was talking really really loudly,” he complained. Great spot, Matt.
Email your spots to [email protected]
Loves long words, loves them…
Now that Britain’s Got Talent has ensured that we all know at least three famous people on a personal level, celebrites have opted to come down from Fame Mountain to mingle with the normals. People like you, who don’t demand that butter be freshly scooped from the cow, or that the road to your bedroom be paved with rose petals. Plain, normal people, who like orange squash and eat sausages. You.
This week has seen a few well known faces attempting to blend in with society. Friend of the site Bec insists that she saw Beyonce in The Gap. –“But it might not have been her, because I didn’t catch her face”. While Norm may or may not be lying when he says that he saw Elton John in the mirror. No matter though, because this week’s big spot goes to Hannah, who saw the author/celebrity Will Self – a man who adores long words like higgledy-piggledy and mucous membrane. “He was striding around in South London,” she told us, “then he turned into Starbucks, bold as brass.” Starbucks? Really? A celebrity? See, they really are just like us.
Well done Hannah, you’ve won this week’s Interestment Mix Tape, which features Joe Cocker, The Doors, and Donny Hathaway amongst others.
Email your spots to [email protected]
Not just any old dots…
Anyone with two functioning eyes and a heart has probably been lamenting the demise of Polka Dots for the last few years. They used to be so popular with tearful housewives and young ravers. In fact, the macho street painter Seurat famously loved them so much that he’d use miniscule ones to create amazing images of people horsing around in parks (below). They were once voted the nation’s most beloved dot.
And now THEY’RE BACK, and they’ve become really popular with famous people. Just this week, Posh Spice was caught mounting a nice aeroplane wearing a great big spotty mackintosh. Each dot tirelessly crafted from the finest fashion hands money can afford. Then Julia Roberts – yes, Julia Roberts, the actress – took to a Hawaiian beach in a dotty bikini, showing off what has been described as her “beach body”. Not to be confused with her “indoors body”, which is all flabby and grotesque. Anyone who has seen these pictures will have noticed that she has a tattoo at the base of her spine reading “Henry, Hazel, Phinneaus” – her moving homage to The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers.
In other Victoria Beckham (above) news, she is now the sensual half-naked body of an Armani campaign. Cynics are convinced that someone may have broken into the Armani HQ armed with an airbrush and really gone to town on her. Who could do such a thing? Some kind of body beautiful, airbrush sicko?
Plus Sarah Jessica Parker (above) has hired a surrogate bisexual rocker to carry her twins. As anyone with bisexual children already knows, she has nothing to worry about. It skips a generation.
Manchester man seen in London
Celebrities are exactly like you and me. Only much much better. They drink nicer drinks, their bodies are taut, and they are brilliant conversationalists. Seriously, try talking to one. They love it. Absolutely love it. Anyway, like amoebas with their asexual reproduction, celebrities are being churned out and multiplied on an hourly basis – so much so that some of them have deemed it perfectly acceptable to mingle with the little people. They now shop in our shops, drink in our wine bars, and some of them even live on our streets. Hence to celebrate, we encourage you to send us your spots (email us at [email protected]).
Just this week, friend of the site Rob spotted Boris Johnson plundering through Borough Market hunting for cold meats and potato salad, and Rich saw Steven Mackintosh – who apparently played Winston in Lock, Stock and oi oi oi’m a cockerney chimnaaay sweeep! – wandering around Soho without wearing shades. An actor without shades. Ridiculous. But this week’s big winner is Olly, who was thundering through beers in London’s Phoenix Bar, when a drunk man staggered to the bar for a pint of the black stuff. “It was David Threlfall,” he told us, met with blank stares. “Frank from Shameless!” And with that, we erupted into a fit of hysterical clapping. He also saw the art world’s Reeves and Mortimer, Gilbert and George, wandering the streets of fashionable East London. We were less impressed by that.
Well done Olly, you’ve won this week’s Interestment Mix Tape, featuring Bowie, The Pasadenas, Gregory Isaacs, Main Source, Moby Grape, and much much more… Enjoy!