Tag Archive: bargain

  • Second hand bargain: A Teasmade

    Tells time, and makes tea…

    Teasmade

    For businessmen it’s always been about the perks. These guys don’t crunch numbers and power-lunch for fun. Hence, back in the day, before this sour economic climate smeared bittersweet sugar on open, weeping mouth ulcers, the businessman’s day was bookended with treats. There would be a nice cup of tea, and a brace of poached eggs waiting on the table in the morning, and after work, the drugs were always free. Hence why, if you listen very closely, you can still hear the faint hum of sobbing coming from skips and wheelie-bins, and around the assortment of shop doorways where these once-high-flyers now spend their Sunday morning lie-ins. These are cruel times, friends. These men have been forced to steal for their habits. Which is why we go bananas with joy whenever we feel the warm, gentle breeze of a wonderful bargain. Just this week, former city boy, and vague acquaintance of the site Kenneth made a fantastic discovery in his local Feed The Pandas – or some such. “They were selling a teasmade!” he yelped, feasting on a breakfast Ginsters. “A teasmade!” That’s right, a teasmade. For those too young to realise, these were once the iPhone of their generation. It was an alarm clock that made you tea. Actual tea in a cup. You’d wake up, lean over your naked, contented partner, and a hot cup would be sitting there waiting for you. Genius. So come on Kenny, don’t keep us in suspenders. How much for this wonderful robot wife? “A fiver!”

    Astonishing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: A Winter Jumper

    Don’t be fooled, it’s almost here…

    Wooly Jumper

    Unless it is now howling with rain in beautiful, sunny India, we are not – as some had hoped – enjoying an Indian Summer. If anything, we are now in the very midst of a cruel Scottish Summer. The skies will soon be charcoal grey, the streets will be awash with angry hail stones mixed in with the tears of broken businessmen. Former go-getting high flyers, still reeling from the cruel punch in the underpants delivered by last year’s credit crunch. Some say that it is getting better, but the rise of the machines – the iPhones, the internets, the robotronic tea making devices – suggests that soon there won’t be any use for normal everyday humans working behind office desks, or check out counters. No, the robots will have the jobs. The rest of us will be left signing on electronically at a neon dole office. These are weird, futuristic times. Which is why we still go crackers with joy whenever we catch wind of a good old fashioned bargain. Just this weekend good friend of the site Paul made one heck of a discovery in his local Look After the Cats. “I like to be well prepared for any seasonal shifts,” he told us, warming his hands on a rather unnecessary hot water bottle, “so when I saw a nice warm jumper, I grabbed it with my left hand.” It is, by the way, a nice Icelandic number, and looks hotter than a kangaroos tummy pouch. So, come on Paulie, how much did you pay for for this massive sweater? “Three quid.”

    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: Akira

    Classic cartoon fun…

    Akira

    Don’t be surprised if Orange Wednesdays suddenly morph into Orange Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays, Mondays, and Tuesdays, because at this rate, no one’s going to have a job, so cinema trips are likely to lose out in a toss up between film or food. Should that happen, then Hollywood will have roughly ten years left to prosper before decaying from the inside out and ending up a smelly ghost town, spattered with people who look like Tom Cruise and his wife feasting on squealing rats in a wheelie bin. It’s a strange, unusual time. Which is why we get stroked by the feathery hand of happiness whenever we hear about a wonderful bargain. Just this very week, friend of the site Johnny stumbled across a fantastic find in his local Protect The Kids (or some such). “I haven’t seen a good film in absolutely ages,” he confided over a Woodbine and a brandy, “so when I saw Akira in the local charity shop, I lurched forward, grabbed the thing, then bought it.” Sounds like standard shopping procedure. And for those who don’t know, Akira is probably the greatest Manga cartoon of them all, certainly the most famous one. So come on, Johnny, how much for this fantastic movie? “50p”

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    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

    Here’s the trailer…

  • Second hand bargain: Some wonderful literature

    The original O.C in many ways…

    Sweet Valley

    It’s not just the grown ups suffering in this cruel financial downturn, think of the teenagers. A year ago, with mum and dad away “on business”, opportunistic offspring would take the bull by the horns, and throw gargantuan house parties, involving much cider, at least nine people violently throwing up, and almost every girl present would take a turn at weeping for attention. The night would finally come to an abrupt end with a sea of wasted youngsters sucking one another’s necks like they were high powered hoovers and the neck were a filthy carpet that needed a once over, and the host spazzing out because their prey for the evening decided to get off with someone considerably hotter but not nearly as wealthy. It’s not fair! But now look at these spoilt little oiks. With daddy fired from his bank job, they’ve had to relocate to shopping centres and car parks. It’s only a matter of time before their boredom drives them to carving shivs from bits of discarded wood and old razors. They’ll end up in chokey. Make no mistake about that. These are strange, worrying times. Which is why we go berserk with joy whenever we catch wind of a wonderful bargain, and only this week friend of the site Carol stumbled across an excellent find in her local Save the Cats (or some such). “I used to love Sweet Valley High books when I was a teenager,” she told us, whilst simultaneously preening herself in a hand held mirror, “so when I saw about eight of them on the book shelf in my local charity shop, I took the lot.” For those unfortunate enough not to have had the pleasure, these chronicles tell the story of a beautiful set of twins called Elizabeth and Jessica, who swan around California having the time of their lives. The books are a little bit like Less Than Zero minus the drugs. They’re brilliant. So come on, Carol, how much for these hard hitting books about teenagers? “20p each!”

    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: Gladiator

    Father of a married son, husband to a beautiful daughter etc…

    crowe

    As with so many periods of chaos, the cruel financial winter has sparked a wave of hysterical behaviour from grown men, as they hurtle around firing people and waving money in your face shouting “mine, this is mine, this money… is mine!”. Their regal masks of superiority slipping clean off, replaced by the gurning face of greed, the stone-hearted unemotional blank eyes of nastiness, and the soft, useless penis of middle/upper management. Yet sadly, in this day and age, revenge is considered rather unprofessional, so we are forced to endure the fact that these oiky little toads will probably survive the downturn unscathed, and go on to lead long and happy lives, blissfully unaware that around 94.8 per cent of the people they have met over the years have secretly despised them. It’s a strange, higgledy-piggledy time. Which is why we get kissed on the face by the sweet caress of glee whenever we catch wind of a wonderful bargain. Just this very weekend, friend of the site Al stumbled across a fantastic revenge film in his local Save the Cats – or something. “One of my all time favourite films is Gladiator,” he told us, attempting a Russell Crowe voice, “so when I saw it on the DVD shelf, I lurched forward and grabbed it, I was over the moon!” As anyone would be, Al, it’s a gripping movie, make no mistake about that. So come on, how much for this sword-sandals-and-a-tiger romp? “50p”

    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: Lacoste polo shirts

    The second best around…

    lacoste-polo

    It’s only when you find yourself in a proverb situation that you realise just how true these weird little nuggets are. Hence why you won’t see any cooks shaking their heads in disagreement should you declare that too many of them would spoil a broth – they’ve been there, six or seven crowded around one stove, a tiny kitchen, all trying to take control of a soup. They ruined it. They know they did. And it’s also why we no longer stare into horses mouths. Another such proverb situation has arisen thanks to the cruel financial downturn, which has turned former choosers into lowly beggars – meaning that we have all had to make do with what we can get. Once high-flying businessmen are having to endure the bitter pill of economy sausages where once they had fillet steaks, young go-getters have been forced to replace expensive bags of narcotics with weak lagers that were on offer. These are strange, transitional times. Which is why we go bonkers whenever we catch wind of a wonderful bargain. Just this weekend, friend of the site Roberto enjoyed a successful second hand shopping spree, even though he had to make do with his second choice. “I’m normally a Fred Perry man when it comes to polo shirts, but this shop was selling Lacoste ones, so I bought about four,” he told us, whilst simultaneously sporting one of the wonderful tops, “I guess beggars can’t be choosers.” You took the words right out of our mouths, Robbie! So, come on, how much for these still-excellent items of loveliness? “A fiver each!”

    That’s amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: A great party record

    A much-needed dancing essential

    heobah

    It’s been such a cruel financial winter, cunningly disguised by what is turning out to be one heck of a sunny season. Blinded by the rays beaming down from the heavens, you probably haven’t noticed that the tramps are now wearing tatty Armani suits, and the cup for any spare change is actually a very nice hand made brief case from Milan. But the major difference is that these tramps are saving up for cocaine and cava, not your usual skag. It’s a strange time. Very strange. Which is why we go absolutely wild whenever we catch wind of a fantastic bargain. Just today, friend of the site Jo got in touch with tales of an excellent musical find. “I’ve been on the lookout for a summer soundtrack, and I think I’ve found it,” she declared, brandishing a very shiny vinyl record, “it was in a crate at my local NSPCC and I just liked the look of it.” We popped it on the Interestment turntable, and sure enough, it’s an absolute belter – perfect for outdoor Summer dancing. So come on, Jo, how much for this excellent record? “A quid”

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    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

    Here’s the song…

  • Second hand bargain: A great read

    Beware of the dog

    baskervilles

    As we slip ever further into the deep financial winter, don’t be surprised to find a shift in the clientele at TK Maxx. Once home to a million angry teens with huge diamond studs, all waddling aggressively in search of nifty looking street gear, you might spot one or two rather more swarthy types sweeping through the polo shirt section. Or perhaps you will catch the scent of something sexy and French amidst the usual cloud of Stunning by Jordan? These are strange, higgledy-piggledy times. Which is why we exhale enormously and punch the skies above whenever we hear about excellent finds in second hand shops. Just today, friend of the site Ethan stumbled across an astonishingly good read in his local RSPCA shop. “I’ve been signing on for the last couple of months, so was really on the lookout for a cheap book, when I saw The Hound of The Baskervilles,” he told us, taking a sharp drag on a tiny rolled up cigarette that looked like it was burning his fingers, “I practically had to wrestle it off and old man who’d spotted it as well.” The good news is that Ethan won that particular dog fight, and went home with probably Sherlock Holmes‘ most excellent adventure. So come of, E-man, how much for this wonderful tale of hounds and Baskervilles? “40p”

    Amazing sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: A sensitive T-shirt

    Have we STILL not saved them?

    save-the-whales

    Only a year ago,  airports would have been awash with bloated businessmen with suckling pig skin, limping back from whichever European city they deemed worthy of degrading for the weekend. They’d get home, shower thoroughly, then get around to booking Tuscany for the wife and kids. Heathrow was in the throws of silly season. And yet, there it stands, Terminal Five, a flying paradise where you can eat some Gordon Ramsay boil-in-the-bag, or buy fine trinkets to drape around your feminine wrists. But it’s empty. Deserted. All that remains is the echo of loud honking city boy voices that are still bouncing off the walls from eight or nine months ago. People don’t go on holiday anymore, they hide. These are strange, unsettling times. Which is why we go completely berserk whenever we hear about decent bargains. Just two days ago, friend of the site Stuart enjoyed a wonderful hippy moment in a local NSPCC joint. “In amongst all the strife we’ve forgotten about the whales,” he roared down the phone, sounding completely off his face, “so when I spotted a Save The Whales T-shirt, I remembered them, so I bought it!” And so anyone should. Although, we assumed they’d already been saved, having seen quite a few of them on Planet Earth. But no matter, come on Stuart, how much for this important message emblazoned across your womanly chest? “Two quid!”

    Excellent sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: A cardigan

    Knitwear, but for a gentleman…

    cardigan

    In these unbearable financial times, the world is morphing into a very strange place indeed. Former company directors – now unemployed – are looking to their childhood for comfort, leaving the streets awash with grown men in fancy dress cowboy outfits, just weeping. It’s a sorry, surreal, depressing time. Which is why we go bonkers whenever we hear about a good bargain! Just today friend of the site, Richard, found an excellent garment to dress up in. “I stumbled across a really nice cardigan in my local charity shop,” he beamed, “and I absolutely love cardigans.” He’s not the only one, we’re also big fans of woollen underjackets, even better when they’re cashmere. So, come on Richard, how much for this gorgeous cardi? “Four quid.”

    Fantastic sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: A lovely picture

    Just who is this priceless mystery woman?

    matts-picture

    Such is the disturbing nature of the current financial downturn that well-heeled young toffs have been spotted actually riding on the tube. Some of them have, of course, been weeping hysterically throughout the journey, whilst others just sit in a stunned, petrified silence. They have never been this close to people without trust funds before. What are they supposed to say? It’s a cold, worrying time. Which is why our insides erupt with glee whenever we hear about a bargain discovery! Just recently, proud new father and great friend of the site, Matt, stumbled across a miraculous picture of a woman and her cat in his local second hand shop. “I was strolling past the shop and there it was, staring at me,” he confided over a sparkling pint of the sweet stuff, “I had to get it.” Having seen the thing, we know just how brilliant it is – she’s a looker. So, come on Matt, how much for this eye-catching centrepiece? “Two quid.”

    Astounding sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: A cook book

    Great hair, great cook

    gary

    Such is the nature of this crippling financial winter that dreamy young go-getters have been forced to stop ordering in, and are having to cook for themselves. Cue disaster. Big joints of lamb are being “roasted” on hobs, scrambled eggs boiled in the oven. These suits, bless them, don’t know what they’re doing. They only bought the oven to match the kitchen tiles. Hence, with the purse strings pulling ever tighter, we cheerfully applaud anyone with the brains to track down a bargain in a nearby charity shop. Luke, literally the poshest man we have ever met, deserves a gigantic round of applause after an excellent weekend’s shopping. “I thought I’d pop in and see if they had a Jamie Oliver book that I could cook from,” he told us, over a pint and a port. “They didn’t, but they did have a Gary Rhodes one, so I bought that.” He went on to explain how he was looking forward to impressing his pals with an Ox Cheek Stew and Beetroot Fritters. So come on Luke, how much for this amazing guide to cooking? “A quid!”

    Fantastic sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: A nice hat

    Looks brilliant, was quite cheap

    hat

    As ever, in this cold financial winter, we vigourously applaud anyone who can warm the cockles with a bargain. So don’t speed up when you’re passing your local second hand shop, do the opposite – slow down. Even go in, because once inside, you’ll find a world of cheap stuff, some of which is excellent. Great friend of the site, known to us as Bobby, found himself on the right side of a hat-buying super-find. “Normally I wouldn’t trust a second hand hat,” he admitted in a whisper, “but this one was too good to pass up, and I gave it a bit of a scrub.” So, spill the beans, how much? “It was two quid.”

    Excellent sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: My Booky Wook

    Normally astronomically priced…

    russell

    Now that no one has any money, even high powered company directors have been spotted wearing bandannas and ripped jeans, demanding pocket money from terrified school kids. It’s bonkers. Hence, we enthusiastically salute anyone with the patience to stroll into a smelly second hand basement, and rifle through tonnes of rubbish in search of a bargain. Just recently, our friend James had a bit of a score. “I was always curious as to what Russell Brand’s autobiography might be like,” he confessed, “but I was a bit embarrassed to spend a tenner on it in an actual bookshop – I’d much rather be seen purchasing The Great Gatsby in those kind of places.” But then the soft, warm hand of fate intervened, and James’ dream came true. “There it was, on the shelf, for £1.50 – I picked it up with my head held high.” Good for you James. Good for you.

    Nice sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: A funny DVD

    All this for sod all

    friends

    In these pre-apocalyptic times, everything seems to be going topsy-turvy. Businessmen have been spotted asking tramps for money, city workers regularly share Pot Noodles for lunch – up to ten men to one Chicken and Mushroom. It’s bananas. We applaud anyone who can sniff out a bargain in this harsh financial winter. So big props to our pal David, who somehow spotted a pile of spare Friends DVDs at his local second hand shop. “There were about five or six series’ or something crazy like that,” he laughed, “and they were about a quid each, so I got the lot for under a tenner.” That’s under ten pounds for the priceless commodity of laughter. “I mean, who doesn’t like Friends, right?”

    Who indeed, David. Ross is particularly excellent. Nice sticking-it-to-the-recession!

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  • Second hand bargain: An excellent old record

    That’s the weekend sorted, on the cheap

    record

    In these cruel financial winters, we applaud clever shoppers, and you could do a lot worse than pop a clothes peg on your nose and peruse the local second hand bargain basement. These places are awash with hidden gems, and don’t worry, if you ignore the rabid old women for long enough, they soon go away. Just this weekend, an excellent friend of ours, deliciously known as Rob, stumbled across a fantastic old De La Soul record for just 50p. “I’ve been looking for something to do at the weekend for ages,” he wept hysterically, “and now I can just invite my friends over, put this record on, and down some brewskis!” It is, of course, their rap party anthem, A Roller Skating Jam Named Saturday. Listen to it after the jump….

    Top sticking-it-to-the-recession, Robbie!

    Read more…

  • Second hand bargain: A tweed jacket

    Make no mistake, this is excellent value

    tweed-jacket

    Next time you’re sprinting past your local second hand charity shop, pull on the breaks, take a breather, and check out the clothes section. Yes, there is the distinct possibility that people died in them, but just think of those stiff, silent corpses as particularly accurate mannequins and everything will be alright. A good friend of ours, tentatively known as Alex, found a fantastic knock down bargain at his local Scope – a nice tweed jacket for a fiver. “I’m quite hard to shop for, because I’m plump but not fat,” he told us. And in his words, the coat itself is an “excellent fit.” Five pounds for a jacket – nice sticking-it-to-the-recession, Alex!

    Let us know about your bargains with a comment below…

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