154 important life lessons learned from a decade of Interestment

Featuring ole Mr Sexy here

Interestment turns ten this December, so to celebrate, we compiled some important lessons from the last decade. Put these in your pocket, and you’ll never go far wrong…

Nothing tastes as good as being slightly overweight feels

Prescription sunglasses are the best investment you can make

Best Roast: Pork

Best recentish TV shows: The Deuce, Broad City, Transparent, the Julia Roberts one on Amazon Prime

It’s fine to smoke if you’re on holiday

The worst thing about Brexit has been the comedy

Recommended listening: James Mason, Rhythm of Life

Twitter – proof that we would still fuck up paradise

The best jacket potato topping: cheese and coleslaw

Most underrated biscuit: Plain Digestive

Essential reading: One More Thing by BJ Novak

If you enjoy the song Let Me Love You by Mario, don’t worry about it

If you like Holding Back the Years by Simply Red, that’s also fine

You’re even allowed to like that famous Enya one, but keep it on the DL

The most underrated soul star of all time: Leroy Hutson

The best character in The Sopranos: Adriana

Recommended listening: Alice Clark, Alice Clark

The best computer game ever: Mario Kart on the SNES in 1995

That Nintendo Switch – also admirable

If you listen to too much Adam Buxton podcast you start sounding like Adam Buxton from the Adam Buxton podcast

The best season of the Wire: number 4

Essential reading: The Stench of Honolulu by Jack Handey

A very good winter option: Cords

Greatest actor of all time according to Interestment: Mickey Rourke (in 2008) then we decided it was Eddie Murphy (in 2017)

Best Masterchef Winners: Tim Anderson, Shelina Permalloo, Mat Follas

The best pop songs of the 1980s: Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper, Love Is a Battlefield by Pat Benetar, I Would Die 4 U by Prince 

Greatest ever footballer: 1990s Michael Laudrup

Ultimate I’m a Celebrity line up: Janice Dickinson, Dean Gaffney, Johns Lydon and Fashanu, Tara P-T (RIP)

A good leftfield choice: The Filet o’Fish 

No garden is complete without a massive drum barbecue for parties

There’s no excuse for a thumb ring

Best ever US sitcoms: Seinfeld, Larry Sanders, Cheers, Office

Best ever UK sitcoms: Spaced, I.T Crowd, Office, Fresh Meat

A diet is not a religion

Being anti-Trump/Brexit is not an ideology

Essential reading: Money by Martin Amis, but you already knew that

Greatest actress of all time: Kathleen Turner 

Most underrated movie star: Harrison Ford

Best cartoon animals: Snoopy, Top Cat, Bugs

Best band of the 1960s: The Byrds

Best band of the 1970s: Kraftwerk

Jogging isn’t “training”

Masterchef Australia is the most uplifting show on TV

If you want to read Sweet Valley High books from the 1980s that’s cool. They’re basically Less Than Zero minus the drugs

Best rappers: Big L, Nas, Ghostface, Rakim

Essential reading: Born Standing Up by Steve Martin

2010s “Small plates” = 2000s “Starters”. We might be being duped

Most underrated chocolate bar: Twix

Essential reading: Up in The Old Hotel by Joseph Mitchell

Cashmere jumpers = an excellent idea  

The only soft drinks worth considering are: Diet Pepsi, Original Coke, Orangina

Most selfish lead character in a movie: Maverick in Top Gun

Recommended listening: Herb Alpert, Rise

You should have doner meat and chips in a polystyrene container at least once a year

Branston Pickle goes well on a pork pie

Best Beastie Boys album: To The 5 Boroughs

The greatest child star of all time: Winona Ryder

Essential reading: Clothes Clothes Clothes Music Music Music Boys Boys Boys by Viv Albertine

Best ever picnic song: Long Hot Summer by the Style Council

The Style Council: better than The Jam

PiL: better than The Sex Pistols

If in doubt, order a Chicken Jalfrezi and a Peshwari Naan

Fleetwood Mac = all about Stevie Nicks

No good cheeseburger has a knife going vertically through the middle of it

The best wine gums can be found in… Marks & Spencers

The Greatest Cocktail in the world is Interestment’s “Voddy Odge”: 2 shots vodka, 1 shot triple sec, strictly 2 shots orange juice, 1 shot sugar syrup, a splash of orange bitters, served with ice

Best show of the early noughties: Big Brother 

Recommended listening: Milton Wright, Spaced

Greatest ever BB housemates: Alex Sibley (Season Three) and Makosi Musambasi (Season Six)

Normal lager = better than craft beer

(This list aside) There is no excuse for staring at your phone

Prince turning up for random live shows in small UK venues was a very rockstarry move (RIP)

Too many 6 Music presenters attribute their teenage epiphanies to Bowie or Roxy Music. We need more diversity of influences

Most 6 Music presenters also sound like John Peel either sped up or slowed down. Is there something we should know?

All roasts should be accompanied by: cauliflower cheese and a Yorkshire pud

If you’re going to buy hummus get the really smooth stuff

Best things about Christmas: sausages wrapped in bacon, A Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack, farts

Essential reading: Bossypants by Tina Fey

Best show on telly in 2012: Spiral 

Best Cake: Chocolate Guinness Cake

Top choice for a Monday morning: Close to You by Isaac Hayes

Best celebrity chefs: Pierre White, Bourdain (RIP)

Best Beach Boy: Dennis Wilson

A Full English should always feature: black pudding, hash browns

Footballers who definitely wouldn’t have sex with prostitutes: Paul Scholes, Michael Owen

Greatest ever TV mum: Tami Taylor, Friday Night Lights

Greatest ever TV dad: Eric Taylor, Friday Night Lights

Best high school movies: Breakfast Club, Heathers, Superbad, Dazed and Confused

You should never buy trainers from a charity shop

Best Beatle: Paul McCartney

Best go-to artist for Alexa: James Brown

Best cigarettes: Silver B&H, if they still exist

Most unnecessarily overused word: “essay”

True decadence: putting three nuggets and a loads of fries in your quarter pounder

Greatest ever hip hop album: Breaking Atoms by Main Source

Essential reading: Conversations with My Agent by Rob Long

Best movie to watch on a Saturday morning: Vanishing Point

Of course it’s only about the journey and not about the getting there, because the “there” bit, when you think about it, is death

Bathroom essentials: Dioralyte and Gaviscon

Recommended listening: Shuggie Otis, Inspiration Information

Must-have shoes: Desert Boots

Surprisingly nice offal: sweetbreads (just don’t think about what they might be)

Best Kids TV Shows: Teen Titans Go, Ben and Holly

Funniest person of all time: Norm Macdonald

Best stand up: Mitch Hedberg

The smoking ban was a bad idea

A half-full (or half-empty depending on your viewpoint) ashtray is a sign of conviviality

The best ever TV interviewer: Dick Cavett

His best interviewee: Orson Welles

Also excellent combos: David Letterman and Charles Grodin, David Letterman and Teri Garr, Conan O’Brian and Norm Macdonald

People who don’t smile in photos are dicks

Magazines are still the best form of media (pity we can’t see that)

Best chin-strokey modern indie mags: Apartamento, The MacGuffin

Best comic for grown-ups: Love and Rockets

The best cinema movie of all time: Pulp Fiction

Best fruit: the mango

Second best TV show of the noughties: The OC

Top 3 condiments: Ketchup, Sriracha, Reggae Reggae

Recommended listening: Donald Byrd, Places and Spaces

Best crisps in the world: cheese and onion hula hoops

That said, literally all crisps are good, there are no bad crisps

Best vegetable: cauliflower

The greatest cheese: extra mature cheddar

Sesame Prawn Toast is also a very nice thing

Shoe rack must-have: one pair of knackered Nike Air Jordans

Recommended listening: The Monkees, Head

The only male underwear option: boxers shorts

Best movie of the noughties: There Will Be Blood

Birdman was also really really good

Silent Agnosticism is the only polite way to go 

Non-fiction is always better than fiction

The most beautiful woman of all time is Pam Grier

The most handsome man of all time is Tom Selleck

Best ever Eastenders character: David Wicks

Best ever superhero group: Alpha Flight

The only tea in the world worth drinking: Yorkshire Tea

Recommended listening: After School Session, Chuck Berry

Greatest sportsman on the planet: Roger Federer 

Branston Beans are better than Heinz

We need to bring back: Benjys, Smash Hits, The Big Breakfast

Best Sandwich: The Club 

There is no greater luxury than having a lane to yourself at the swimming pool

Essential reading: The Comedians by Kliph Nesteroff

Chat show hosts shouldn’t perform with their guests

House plants make a room look nicer

Best Michael Jackson song: Wanna be Startin’ Somethin’ from Thriller

Best Seinfeld episode: The Phone Message from Season Two

Recommended listening: Camp Lo, Uptown Saturday Night

Best Keanu Reeves movies: Point Break, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Speed

The greatest painter of all time: Paul Gauguin

Best shoes in the world: Reebok Classics Workout Plus

Best song to run to: Madonna’s Get Into The Groove

Number of correctly chosen Best Picture Oscars  from the last 40 years: None

Number of years that Interestment has been going strong: 10. Fucking TEN

You’re welcome

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