The Interestment 2014 Review of the Year
We’ve had some great times…
Before we all go lurching drunkenly into 2015 with our cocks and vaginas out, let’s pause for a second and reflect on the year gone by. Out there in the real world there have been random acts of terrorism, World Cups, tennis matches, dreadful viruses, and what sounds like a resurgence in Garage Music. But forget those guys and their REAL LIFE, let’s cast an eye back over the year on Interestment, see what happened here? By the looks of it, some INSANE things went down…
As befits tradition, January was cold, we all wore coats, most of us wore scarves. Some people wore gloves. Others ear muffs. But over here shit was just getting HOTTER AND HOTTER. There was a celebration of the Greatest COMIC BOOK SUPERHEROES of all time, some arch words about tattoos, a rant about celebrity gossip rags following an appalling New Year cover from Now mag, plus Oral Eek, our fashion expert extraordinary, had a few wise words to say.
The month of Love, this was celebrated hugely, we included more Forgotten Hunks than ever before, there were chin-strokey think pieces about how it feels for a man when he gets married to a woman. We celebrated love songs, stand up comedians, we talked at length about which animals wouldn’t make the Ark if another great flood came, we wondered how best to enjoy pig meat. And who could forget the inaugural Interestment Awards Ceremony? Oh, you all have.
Due to unforeseen circumstances, like a two-week trip to Tie Land (which is a very long time to spend in one shop! BOOM BOOM!), March was a quiet time for Interestment, but some posts still appeared. There was an ode to the great chat show host Dick Cavett, the rambling story of one man’s quest to find James Brown Live at the Apollo on original vinyl, and something about live bands. When it was around Interestment was basically a bumper harvest for hipsters.
None of the Podcasts have been mentioned yet. Basically throughout everything, a pretty regular podcast has appeared, jam packed with 10 great tracks, all interspersed with strange, vaguely uncomfortable talking bits. Also in April, the greatest tinned foods of all time were revealed, there was a written appreciation of the movie Fletch, music by Luther Vandross, and a rampant call to arms to publishers of lads mags.
As Spring did all of its Springy things, like producing buds on plants or sending out mobs of ladybirds to shit little yellow poos all over the place, so Interestment became breezier. The Best Pizzas in London, 10 Amazing Things That ONLY GIRLS Can Do, TV Shows that Lost Their Way. These gems all appeared, as did the Best Ever England Football XI. There was also some weird thing about French posters that may have just been a phase.
As we all know, June is a time for short trousers and renewed hope in your hearts. This was aptly reflected by the site’s output, which included an optimistic ode to the past in the form of 10 Things That Should Be Revived Immediately. There was also a thoughtful piece about Ice Cream, some more wonderful words from our gal about town Oral Eek, and the first of the Interestment SHORT STORIES appeared. That one was called Beachballing, and it’s basically a poor man’s version of Black Mirror.
Sweet July, the warmest of the months, so full of optimism, and yet over at Interestment, it became a time of unseasonal introspection. There was a hugely self-indulgent piece about how people seem to be over-documenting their lives these days, and then a damning verdict on the Greatest Penny Sweets EVER. Along the way you’d find a soon-to-be daddy giving advice to his foetus, and the IDEAL MAN built as a Frankenstein’s Monster, but using words and metaphors instead of body parts stolen from graveyards.
What a month August was. So hot that girls started wearing miniscule shorts that signaled the arrival on the fashion circuit of a new phenomenon called the ‘vagina-wedgie’. Interestment understandably slowed down, but still managed to churn out some all-time greats, like The Ideal Woman (a response to the Ideal Man), a very lazy review of Guardians of the Galaxy, and a groundbreaking experiment that found one man jotting down every single thought in his head over a 12-hour period. The results, frankly, were a bit weird.
And into September, which means Seven Tember in French. It was a month that started very unusually when a TWEET suddenly caught fire. After that it was pretty much downhill all the way. Things that make men cry were tempered by thoughtful but desperate lunges at Reasons to be Cheerful. We also decided how best you should eat a cow.
October came around like a delivery-man with a parcel for you, and she didn’t disappoint. Some wonderful Short Stories started suddenly cropping up. There was a self-indulgent rant about what it means to be famous and naked, plus a heart-warming trip down Memory Lane looking at wonderful TV shows of yore. We all had a great time.
By now the chill winds were threatening to arrive without ever really showing up. New members of the Interestment Family supplied the site with their wonderful works of fiction, you could also take your ears for a walk with some amazing music made during one man’s morning commute. There was a rabid celebration of the Greatest Ever Youtube Videos (they’re all there!), and a hilarious sideways glance at Band Aid 1984, as we all wondered in unison WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
And lo, December arrived, the month of Christmas, pure joy was in the air. There was no let up, no sense of winding down, if anything the doing-stuff-o’metre was cranked up, and out churned piece after piece – the site turned SIX, there was an in-depth examination of what it might take to be a good father, the best sandwiches, more short stories, more PODCASTS, Christmas songs that everyone should listen to. Plus, of course, the annual Interestment Roll of Honour paying a fitting homage to the great men and women who bade us all a fond farewell in 2014.
As ever, a big shout out to the Interestment Family, and those who have continually brought sunshine to the site in 2014, like Oral Eek, Dan Fitch, the great Mink Elliott (original coiner of the word Interestment), wonderful writers of short stories like Craig Ainsley, Matt Comras and Rory McClenaghan. Plus anyone who just takes time out to read this bloody thing.
MERRY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! Cue fireworks…