The 9 BEST THINGS on the internet right now

Including this picture

The internet is a vast unruly landscape and unless you’re willing to stand bogside poking around with a shitty stick for ten hours a day you’ll find that tracking down the good stuff can be impossible. So thank fuck for me! I actually do that. I get up at some stupid time in the morning, I roll up my sleeves and root around this bastard thing until bedtime, then I have tantric sex for five hours, two hours snoozing, then it’s up and partially dressed and back into cyberspace. Anyway, this is just a long winded way of saying here’s a bunch of things that you might like. Or not. I don’t know.

Donald Byrd LIVE

Donald Byrd died and no one told me. That hurts on so many levels. The main level being the one which involves me now explaining how he was an important part of my record buying journey. Huge in fact. One of the first records I bought many moons ago was The Best of Donald Byrd which featured a line drawing of him on the cover. It’s still one of my favourite albums, alongside The Best of The Beatles and The Best of The Rolling Stones. Seriously though, I love this man.

Reasons My Son is Crying

There is literally nothing in the world more boring than mountains of pictures of other people’s children. To counteract the swathes of baby snaps on Facebook I once seriously considered swamping the thing with images of my nan. I then realised that her craggy disapproving face was too disturbing even for me. Anyway, I’m not sure where I’m going with this apart from to say that sometimes baby pictures can be good. So long as the child is crying hysterically for an embarrassingly mundane reason.

Maxwell singing This Woman’s Work

If you’re a fan of The Voice you’ll remember that last weekend some stage school kid wowed the world with a genuinely excellent version of This Woman’s Work by Kate Bush. “Josh did you say the word EXCELLENT about The Voice?” Yes, I said excellent. It was excellent. But it wasn’t quite as excellent as Maxwell’s version, which I recently described to my woman as “very excellent”. That makes it mathematically two or three times better than the one by the guy on the Voice.

Seinfeld Scripts

Hands up if you’re a massive Seinfeld geek. For a while it was the most popular show on the planet so I’m going to go ahead and assume that around 10 million people just raised their hand. So check it out, I found a site where you can read every single Seinfeld script ever. EVER. Of course I have no idea why you’d want to do this, unless you’re like me and you like reading scripts just for the fun of it. Does that make me weird? Fuck you, you’re weird.

This Picture again

You may or may not know who these tough guys are. If you do, how cool are these! If you don’t, I feel sorry for you because you’ve missed out on Canada’s answer to the X-Men. They’re called Alpha Flight, one’s a tiny little dwarf gymnast, there’s a hot one called Aurora who I genuinely wanted to have actual sex with when I was a kid, there’s some green chick who I didn’t want to bang, Snowbird who I probably would have if Aurora wasn’t interested or if she was busy that afternoon, a guy from Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee, some other dudes, plus the first openly gay comic book character called Northstar. A groundbreaking comic, that Alpha Flight.

Plebs on ITV On Demand

Plebs is a sitcom on ITV2 that is a bit like The Inbetweeners but set in ancient Rome and I only tuned in to watch the first episode so I could see how much I hated it. And then something weird happened. My face started contorting and joyful honking sounds began spurting out of my mouth. If you haven’t put two and two together, that was my over-elaborate and slightly pretentious way of describing laughter. I’m saying that I was laughing. Because it’s funny. And you should watch it. And here’s one more short sentence. Paragraph over.

Russell Brand’s Thatcher article

This whole Maggie dying thing has been a massive drag. Viewing figures for the news plummeted, Twitter became unbearable, everyone suddenly morphed into a weird hybrid of 1980s Ben Elton and 1980s Billy Bragg. Or any era Billy Bragg for that matter. It was almost as if a geriatric essentially dying of old age after a very long life was some kind of social victory for the common man. It wasn’t, she won, and the best commentator on the whole thing turned out to be Russell Brand – a man whose comedy I don’t really like, but whose writing is so good it makes me insane with jealousy. If you didn’t read his piece, do it now.

This Ghostface Killah track

If I had to name my favourite members of The Wu Tang Clan in order it’d go: Ghostface Killah, Rza, Gza, Pzza, Old Sexy Bar Stard, Gideon, Marky Mark, Richard the Chef, Method Man, Pukewan,, Tom Jones, Jessie J, Danny from The Script, and then probably either Tobin or Lucas. So yeah. Anyway I love this track. I connect to it at street level.

80 Blocks From Tiffany’s

Being extremely white, in that both parents are white and one is even a bit ginger and my ancestors are just one long unending trail of white woman and Celts and probably vikings, I obviously have a deep fascination with New York street gangs from the 1970s and 80s. Hence when I stumbled across this amazing documentary on Youtube it even gave my beard (because I obviously have a beard) a bit of an erection. I recommend you take the afternoon off work to watch it.

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