Interestment’s Top 100 THINGS from the last Decade
Including this funny chap…
There have been many many wonderful inventions, movies, bands, personal discoveries, fashion statements, sportsmen, sportswomen, sex symbols, forgotten food stuffs etc… in the last ten years, hence it was put to the wonderful Interestment Family to detail their personal favourites. The list is not a chart – that would be crazy – it’s just a list. A beautiful beautiful list. Here are numbers 1-20, with the other eighty to follow very soon behind…
Made by Apple, MacBooks are laptops laser cut out of a solid block of shiny, expensive aluminium. In short, it makes them super strong and light, a bit like a solid block of gold. Yes, gold. They also run Apple’s OS X which is known to be very stable, fast and, well, quite trendy if you like that sort of thing.
2. Boxset binges
Why wait a week for the next installment of your favourite tv show when you can buy the whole series and avoid the cliff hanger? The price? Feeling slightly disgusted with yourself after sitting in the same armchair for seventeen hours straight and weeing in an empty Coke can so transfixed are you by the televisual feast. Spawns unhealthy activities like watching 24 in ‘real time’ and a ruined social life. May result in muscular atrophy/sores.
3. Wayne Rooney
From earning opprobrium for showing up to Sports Personality of the Year chewing gum, to stamping on a man’s knackers in a World Cup quarter final, to bringing granny-humping back into fashion (did it ever go away – Ed), it’s been a busy decade for Wayne Mark Rooney. But we don’t just love the Roon for being great tabloid fodder – we love him for giving England fans hope. For the first time since Gazza, an England team head to the World Cup able to look the opposition’s best in the eye, and know they have a player every bit the equal.
Jumpers that don’t mess up your hair. The celebrity golfer’s cockle warmer. The poor man’s coat. Whatever: there always seems to be a used tissue in one pocket. Its role in the off-duty Metrosexual uniform of skinny jeans, white tee and collegiate scarf made it’s return inevitable. Plus, girls saw their chance at getting chaps out of nasty clothes and into smart knitwear. Celebrity cardiganers include: David Beckham, Daniel Craig and a variety of musically-faced effete scruffbags.
5. Becks Vier
Finally, a posh beer that can be sloshed back all day long, all night strong. Thousands of grown men/women were almost instantly relieved that the shame of calling a barman in close and whispering into his ear for a pint of Castlemaine XXXX – and please, seriously, don’t say anything – suddenly became a thing of the past. Now we can all enjoy weak brewskis together without a class divide! Fantasticos!
6. Come Dine with Me
Take five of the most irritating, self-obsessed, twits ever born. Now ask them to cook a three-course meal and get the other four to slag it off. This in short, is the premise of one of the most addictive TV shows ever to issue forth from the sadomaschistic heart of an evil programme deviser. Add a sneering narrator regularly interjecting with insults and some really shit cooking and you have pure televisual gold.
7. Usain Bolt
They say records are there to be broken – they don’t mean it of course. Celebrity marriage vows are there to be broken, but some records are meant to last for posterity. Take Michael Johnson’s 19.32 over 200m in Atlanta, a run that saw Atto Boldon remark – “19.32? That’s not a time. It sounds more like my dad’s birthday.” Usain Bolt took more than 0.1 of a second off that time, and then did the same in the 100. As we head into the new decade, no man is currently more dominant in his sport than Bolt. And he’s only 23.
8. Massive Televisions
Yeeessss – a TV so big that you have to sit in the kitchen to watch it! Televised concerts and sports events have that ‘fully-immersive’ quality. Action films suck you in. X-Box driving games can turn you into an agorophobic unconsciously sitting for hours in their own filth. So popular is the wide-screen telly that anything smaller than a 12 inch with the resolution of a digital watch is like trying to watch midgets from half a mile away through a telescope. Plus, they’re perfect compliment to Blu-Ray which on any other telly would be like eating caviar off a discount range rich tea biscuit.
Like a phone, but like an iPod too, and a newspaper, sat-nav, computer, Nintendo DS, train timetable, television, remote control, tube map, mobile 3G modem, audio broadcasting suite, and map. But definitely not like a camera. In circumstances as rare as an Attenborough sighting of a Snow Leopard (no Apple pun intended, they’re actually very rare), iPhones are used to make telephone calls.
10. Big Brother
It has its share of po-faced critics. But once you filter out the shameless dross, and begin to appreciate the sight of grown ups essentially scrubbing their own genitals for fame, the basis of the show becomes absolutely fascinating. The most recent series proved that – handled correctly – it still has legs. Long beautiful legs – like the kind you might see on an actress, or a woman. Siavash to win! Oh, hang on…
Returned, finally ending the fashion fatwa issued on them in the 80s. More wearable than you’d think, fortunately for the fashion editors who panicked about how they would sell them to women who weren’t the same shape as a chopstick. A popular incarnation seen on many a celebrity pin was the ‘liquid legging’, slightly less forgiving than the classic ‘matt’ as had the potential to make a bad leg resemble a hastily stuffed sausage. To be worn with a large teeshirt/blazer/pixie boots and lashings of confidence. Your reward? Warm legs and a fashion bravery rosette.
Revolutionary at the time, Lost works a bit like one of those roll-playing books from the 1980s, only without the need for books, dice, or your virginity. Riddles galore, everyone has been trying to figure this one out for years. Some might argue that they’ve squeezed all credibility from a show that started so promisingly by flogging the horse until it no longer looked like a horse – just a big pile of blood-dripping bone, and a weird Jimmy Hill-shaped skull. Those people might have a point.
Forget wrestling with a road atlas as unwieldy as a deckchair – simply attach a little box to your dashboard and –voila! – your destination is reached without screaming rows with your loved one who has inadvertently guided you the wrong way up a one way street in a ghetto of Leicester. Admittedly, some individuals have ended up in the middle of a lake when they actually wanted Greenwich town hall. But if SatNav also serves to weed out the idiots among us, surely that’s just another plus.
14. Double Cheeseburgers
Hey mister bureaucrat, you can stick your weedy single cheeseburgers, it’s all about twos-up these days. Eaten at a 90 degree angle to the pavement as you stumble home singing softly to yourself in the small hours, drinking snacks don’t come much better than this. The perfect “main” following a starter of nuggs. Plus they’re only like a quid or something, which equals around 5p when you’re out of your mind on Becks Vier.
15. The Wire
There are no hyperbolic statements left in the world that haven’t already been fished out and heaped upon it’s 60 hours of close-up, long-winded observation of the drug and police institutions of Baltimore and the dazzling array of morals and flaws of the peoples therein. Enticingly detailed character portraits aside, every season contains more epic one-liners and historic hangovers than a party thrown by Oscar Wilde. Find a fellow watcher and bore the uninitiated into an immediate coma.
16. Silver Bensons
Which brand of cigarette a person smokes can tell an awful lot about their inner workings. For those not quite booming of voice and upturned of collar enough for Marlboro Lights, there came the Silver Benson. The humble cig for the simple man-on-the-street. Or, more honestly, Silk Cut for men.
Internet telecommunication application that ‘sticks it to the man!’ by allowing users to converse for the grand total of zero pence or contact non-skypers for super-cheap rates. Can cause a few issues when attempting to explain it’s workings to penny-pinching, technophobic parental types, but the pay-off is being able to chat for hours to your mates in New Zealand without the bailiff turning up for your house contents halfway through. Makes a great noise when it launches as well.
18. King of Shaves razors
Originally introduced to the UK when given away for free by a text-in radio promotion in late 2008, the King of Shave Azor razor is an epic shaving apparatus. Sure, it has many of the same features as other big brand razors (4 blades, a bit of a bendy head, etc) but we here at Interestment are pretty sure the blades themselves are fashioned from unicorn horns for sharpness, but your skin remains incredibly soft as though treated by the tears of the afore-mentioned unicorn/horse in fancy dress. King of Shaves also have a range of excellent shaving gels (try the menthol one) and balms but, most importantly, a hilarious social network-based marketing programme.
19. Zach Galifianakis
Podgy man + beard+ Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! = Best comedian for ages.
The human being’s curtain-twitching obsession with the minutiae of others lives meant that on-line diarising became a behemouth of popular culture. That, and the innate human belief that everyone considers you to be as scintillatingly fascinating as you do. Celebrities, work-loathing, what you like to do with air freshners in your spare time – anything is fair blog-fodder, the more cynical, libelous and underground the better. Has wanna-be writers everywhere detailing the contents of their car glove box for an avid online audience of five.