Showbusiness: Twins, boobs, WAG goes to the pictures

Oh dear, they might win…

john and edward

One thing that sets Britain aside from the rest of the planet is our love for complete losers. Had Eddie The Eagle been from America, his abominable efforts at ski jumping in the 1980s would have been met with a chorus of boos, and he’d probably have been exiled to Alaska. Or killed. But we thought he was great. In more recent terms, we need look no further than John & Edward, the appalling singing twins who, in any other country, would be locked in suspended cages and set on fire for daring to attempt a Britney song. Yet here, we seem to be falling in love with them. We just have a thing for rubbish stuff. This goes way beyond X Factor celebrity. We also find welcomed solace in rain, our soap operas feature ugly people having rows in launderettes, our national dish is a ham sandwich. Most often washed down with a pint glass of water. Hence, it’s really no wonder that the lurching Irish Eraserhead twins are going down so well. They’re absolutely appalling in every sense, which is befitting of everything that we hold dear. There’s something comforting about watching them lolloping around on stage, singing and dancing completely out of time, as Simon sneers on. It would be great to see them win, if only to watch Cowell thrown into a fit of live dry puking, as he witnesses everything he’s worked for collapsing like a house of cards. Next year, the thing could conceivably be won by the brain damaged guy who sang The Barbie Song. Of course, all of this is seriously inflating showbiz trousers around the country, as they bask in the ridiculousness of these popular siblings. One journalist in particular appears to have performed an about-turn and now desperately wants them to snaffle the crown.

In other important celebrity updates, Abbey Clancy (below) went to the cinema, and Amy Winehouse threw everyone into a chorus of “ewwwww”, by unleashing her brand new bosoms accidentally-on-purpose at the Q Awards


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