Showbusiness: White face and bottom shrinkage!

Don’t freak out, this is merely an artistic impression…


The professional magazine editor, Peaches Geldof, really knows how to pull in the punters. She’s got the tatts, she’s got the crazed celebrity lifestyle, and now she’s got the strange white face. By which we don’t mean racially white, but cosmetically white, as though she was attempting to go for the full Geisha or Celebrity Clown look, but then got bored, and went out anyway. Her gobsmacking new image received its first airing at some flashy clothes show at New York Fancy Dress Week, causing showbusiness desks all around the country to erupt with cruel, dispiriting laughter. “She looks totally stupid!” these sexy high-end journalists are guffawing into their takeaway cappuccinos, blissfully unaware that whenever they themselves leave the house in the morning in their poor man’s Sarah Jessica Parker outfits, entire mobs of street workers and passers-by have to physically stop themselves from tumbling to the ground and holding their stomachs to keep the laughter in. Still, she did look stupid, so these finger-on-the-pulse types might have a point.

Elsewhere in the intriguing world of celebrities, Kanye West has apologised for spoiling the MTV Awards – mainly because Barack Obama called him a cock in American. And Kim Kardashian – the US version of Peaches Geldof, but also famous for having a gargantuan bum – has left the entire planet speechless by losing a bit of meat from her notorious behind. Here’s a “before” shot…


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