Interestment’s Top Four: Hand Dryers
Come on you, let’s get those things cleaned up…
It’s never anything less than a total pleasure to hear from an important member of the growing Interestment family, and today Oliver – usually our expert on silky cloth and colourful shoes – has turned his remarkable eye onto the world of toilets and hand dryers. He had this to say…
Most public toilets aren’t the nicest of places to hang around in for too long. Go in the wrong cubicle, have a gander through that hole in the wall or start talking and you’re likely to get arrested, propositioned, or – if you’re an ex lead singer of Wham! – both. In reverse order. But, the point is that we’re all only human and have to do poo poo’s and wee wee’s at fairly regular intervals, especially when indulging in a fine evening’s worth of weak lager and mama’s famous chicken curry. And here at Interestment we’re big fans of personal hygiene in all its many guises and always, always, wash our hands. Unless there’s no one looking.
The top four hand dryers look like this…
1. Dyson Airblade
The Rolls Royce of hand dryers. No touching required, just lower your hands into the scary looking gap and roughly 2.5 seconds later they’re as dry and happy as a camel with a erection. But be warned, this machine could chop an anorexic’s arms in two should they be foolish enough to lower their shriveled, malnourished limbs into it. A beast from the man who reinvented those vacuum hoover cleaner things. Great work James.
2. Individual White Fluffy Towels
Not often found in pub or restaurant toilets, and more likely to be handed out by unhappy servants in private members clubs, these are a sure sign of you being overcharged on whatever it is you’re drinking, and you’re probably surrounded by grotesque idiots. Recession – pah. Environment – no way. These guys have Panda milk on their Frosties, and simply love paying for sex. But, unbelievable bastards aside, a white fluffy towel does feel lovely and soft on your hands, like your mummy drying you off after swimming practice…mmm.
3. Dayton 5W630
Ahhh, the Dayton 630. Look at her. As robust a hand dryer as you could wish for. This is the shire horse of the wash room. No matter how hammered you are, that ON button is easy to hit. Whack it with an elbow, and off she goes. You can spin the nozzle round to give your hair a dry if you’ve had a very unexpected weeing accident, and it’ll even dry off those annoying dribbles on your chinos after too many bieres.
4. enMotion Electronic Towel Dispenser
Paper towels have moved on a long way from those scratchy green things that felt like sand paper on your silky soft hands. This bad boy, like the mighty Airblade, requires no human touch. Great for those with minimal fingers or hands. Just waft a limb in front and it automatically gives you a few sheets of deliciously dry paper. If only it could tear itself off, rub your hands in a nurturing fashion, pop to the bar, order some more brewskis and ask for the hot French barmaid’s number, we’d put it straight at number one. A valiant effort from a fine gal.