Interestment’s Top Four: Hot Drinks

Some frothy ones didn’t make it…


All the big talk this summer is about how hot drinks actually keep you cool. It is, of course, a lie made up by scientists to make us look stupid, else there would surely be cups of boiling hot coffee waiting for tennis players during court-side changes, footballers would spend half time splashing their faces with Ovaltine, and we’d all be in pub gardens drinking hot spicy Christmas wine instead of Carling tops. Nice try, boffins. Still, we do enjoy hot drinks from time to time, so we thought we’d compile a list of the best ones imaginable…

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1. PG Tips


First thing in the morning, nothing quite hits the mark like a lovely mug of splosh with half a sugar. And for great tea, look no further than PG. It keeps your Yorkshire Tea and your Typhoo out of the running, and not just because of the hilarious monkey adverts. Although, yes, they did play a small part.

2. Caffe Latte


Once known simply as Milky Coffee, the latte has overtaken the cappuccino, because it’s a milkier affair, it maintains the frothy top, and it isn’t drunk by men in mirrored sunglasses listening to Sade. Plus, you won’t be flummoxed by the age old lots of froth but no coffee outrage, because this comes in a tall glass so you know you’re not getting duped by the man.  Perfect for paranoid, shaky people, this should be consumed with at least two sugar lumps, and five or six strong cigarettes.

3. Earl Grey


The ultimate afternoon drink, Earl Grey is like normal tea, but more fragrant, flowery and pretentious. Hence, people think it’s classy. It’s a known fact that if a man orders an Earl Grey during an early evening date, he’s guaranteed at least second base, possibly even four home runs if the going is really good. In that sense, it’s a devastatingly good drink.

4. Horlicks


Hot drinks can be brilliant after sundown, and this malt flavoured little beauty would be our bed partner of choice. Made with hot milk and powder, it just keeps Ovaltine, Hot Chocolate and herbal teas out of the top four. Granted, if your in company, it’s not the sexiest suggestion in the world.

9 Responses to Interestment’s Top Four: Hot Drinks

  1. mustard says:

    this is BULLSH1T interestment – what the HELL is wrong with you?

    Earl grey, “latte” and HORLICKS????

    These are drinks for women and pensioners.

    I’m a MAN – a strong, proud man. Where are the drinks for me?

    Where’s the Bovril? Espresso? Mulled wine? Lemsip?

    You badly need to fix up and look sharp Interestment.

    And I believe “your”, should have been spelled “you’re”.

  2. Olly says:

    Agreed Mustard.

    Are you on f**king drugs or something Interestment?
    Have you had a sex change?
    Has this site been hacked into by a bunch of young girlie girls?

    If Mulled Wine isn’t swiftly promoted to the Top 4, I’m off y’hear. OFF.


  3. Disgusted, 35, Shropshire says:

    Please cancel my subscription.

  4. josh says:

    Hi chaps
    Very strong comments all around, but I stand by the four. Mustard, Bovril is like gravy and quite disgusting, Espresso is too small for big manly hands, and Mulled Wine is a Christmas-only drink…. lemsip I assume was a joke

  5. Spencer says:

    Lemsip is my favourite hot beverage and I would like to see a medicine-free version.

    Horlick’s makes for funny worldplay jokes. I’ll definitely give it that.

  6. oliver says:

    here in hong kong they have a special local drink that is literally half coffee and half tea. it is fucking disgusting

  7. ebo says:

    I agree with Mustard, this is BULLSH1T.

    Black coffee with cinnamon, that’s all you need. Duh!!!

    btw mustard is bird turd.

  8. mustard says:


  9. Lady Grey says:

    Earl Grey is disgusting. And I should know. I married him. Yorkshire tea is best, FYI.

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