Make your own tasty ice cream!

It’s quite simple really…


It’s so close, people. After decades of leaving our cars running and secretly spraying Right Guard into the stratosphere when no one was looking, those long hot summers that we’ve always dreamed of are very nearly here. Soon, it’s going to be scorching all year long. Good for us. This, of course, means two things – it’s time to spruce up your Spring/Summer wardrobe, and high time you learnt to make your own ice cream. It’s actually quite easy. Here’s how to make a yummy homemade vanilla…

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You’ll need:

1. 1.2 litres of milk – everyone owns milk, even tramps.

2. 15 egg yolks – steal these from a chicken.

3. 350g caster sugar – borrow this from an old woman.

4. 1 vanilla pod – sprint into town and hysterically search for this. You’ll find it.

5. 350ml whipping cream – who doesn’t have whipping cream?

Now, heat up the milk and vanilla pod in a saucepan until it’s boiling. Then put it to one side. Beat the yokes with the caster sugar until your arm aches, and the mixture is nice and creamy, then add the hot milk, stirring as you go. Put the whole lot back onto a hob, but now on a low heat until it thickens. Once thick enough, take it off the heat and leave it to cool, it needs to get very cold. Next, whip the cream until it’s good and thick, but not totally stiff and unmanageable. Now finish off by folding the cream into the cooled milky eggness and pop it all in the freezer. One frozen, bosh, ice cream. Done.

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