Picnic Essential: Egg Mayonnaise

For the perfect outdoor brunch…


Once you’re used to the weird time shifting that has left your body clock all over the place – confused, dizzy and upset – you’ll notice that it stays light until after Eastenders, and most meals could probably be lovingly scoffed outdoors. This, let us remind you, is just the beginning of picnic season. From now on, any small space of greenery – even roundabout islands on busy main roads – will be awash with guffawing mobs of topless young professionals getting wasted on small bottles of French bierre, and devouring big straw dustbins of tasty cold snacks. With that in mind, it’s time to swot up on some decent recipes that even the most hyperactive sugar-rushing toddler could mentally digest. Today, Egg Mayonnaise.

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Mayonnaise is great, just brilliant. Unfortunately, we’re not sure who to thank for it, with much contrasting historical doctrine – some say it was the French, others say we should look for the people of Mahon in Minorca and present them with grateful flowers. Either way, you’re not going to need to make it here, just buy a ready made jar. Egg mayo, by the way, works best at a cold temperature, and served with finely chopped onions on a crusty bit of bread. Here’s what you’ll need:

1. Half a dozen eggs – that’s six, or six and a half if you happen to be a baker.

2. A jar of mayonnaise – any kind, although the yellower stuff looks better.

3. A bottle of white wine vinegar – you can always borrow this from an old woman.

4. English Mustard – everyone should have this.

Now, just boil the eggs for about eight minutes, then let them cool and peel them. Mash them up, add about six tablespoons of mayo, a dollop of mustard (which is exactly one teaspoon, by the way), a splash (again, one teaspoon) of vinegar, then mix around furiously, sprinkle a bit of salt and pepsie, then pop the lot in the fridge. Bosh.

Once the eggs are done, it should take about two mins.

6 Responses to Picnic Essential: Egg Mayonnaise

  1. Spencer says:

    Take out those onions and add chives.

    Chives are in all the posh crisp flavours as an onion replacement.

    Mature Cheddar and CHIVE for example, or sour cream and CHIVE.

    Very classy.

  2. rich says:

    Mayonnaise is made of egg. You are recommending Egg with egg.

    Do you also recommend bread on toast? chips in a potato sauce?

    Of course not. Egg mayonnaise works best with salad cream. FACT. Salad cream is made of lettuice and milk. FACT.

  3. josh says:

    Funnily enough, Rich, I used to eat something at university called a “fried bread fried bread sandwich”, which was two bits of fried bread with a slice of fried bread in the middle. It was completely delicious.

  4. Mark says:

    Josh – you worked in a sandwich bar. I know for damn tooting that you never helped make the egg mayonnaise. Why? Because eggs stink! Now, if you want a recipe(!) for the greatest greek salad ever made by man – see me…

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