Picnic Essential: Smoked Mackerel Pate

Make it yourself, lazy bones!


It’s officially the beginning of picnic season, we know that because it was sunny for about an hour over the weekend. And for anyone remotely interested, the word picnic comes from two French words – piquer which means to pick, and nique which means a morsel. So, really, it was only intended to be a small French snack partaken by two lovers in a park – feeding one another soft cheeses, stroking eyelids, enjoying frenzied intercourse behind a tree. But, it hasn’t quite panned out that way, and here in Blighty, we like to take to local parks in massive groups with buckets full of cold brewski, strange jazz cigarettes, frisbees, and wooden suitcases overflowing with delicious treats. With that in mind, we thought it time to share some excellent picnic recipes that even the most mud-brained doofus could manage. Today, Smoked Mackerel Pate.

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One option, of course, is to buy this in a supermarket – Sainsburys do a nice one. But we’d rather you did it yourself. It’s easy. All you need is:

1. Smoked Mackerel fillets – you can buy these in little packets for about £1.50

2. Tub of cream cheese – normal size one, Philadelphia if you’re posh.

3. Creamy Horseradish Sauce – everyone’s got this.

4. A lemon – like an orange, only yellow.

5. Salt and Pepper – the kitchen equivalent of chalk and cheese.

Now, in the words of Jamie Oliver, chump up the mackerel, you know, mush it up, scrape it about, chunk it off. All of which means you need to hack it up a bit. Then add the cream cheese, a couple of teaspoons of horseradish, squeeze in half the lemon juice, pop in some salt and pepper. Now mix around like a maniac, and you’re done.

It should take around three minutes.

3 Responses to Picnic Essential: Smoked Mackerel Pate

  1. Monkeytennis says:

    Excellent new series – more please.

  2. josh says:

    Ahh, glad you like it Monkeytennis, there will be much more. We’re also gearing up to the Big Sandwich Debate… coming soon.

  3. forty-forty five says:

    sounds rancid

    best picnic fodder? Mini Snack Eggs. Fact

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