Interestment’s Top Four: Dangerous Snacks

Don’t be fooled by the kind demeanor, children


The human mouth is a sensitive area. Which is why people tend to aim for it in street brawls. It bleeds easy, it scolds easy, and if you thunder a closed fist into it, it explodes like a bomb in a microwave. But, even simple non-violent everyday activities can be a danger to your mouth and face. Our excellent new contributor, Debs, thought she’d talk us through a few terrifying danger foods. She had this to say…

Eating shouldn’t be dangerous. Unless you’re clinically mal-coordinated. But sometimes even the most humdrum eats can turn on you. Here’s the four worst offenders:

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1. Le Baguette


On the outside it’s a simple Frenchman’s lunch – but inside beats the heart of a sadist, silently waiting to de-laminate your hard-palette, before slicing an artery in your gums.

2. Sherbet Lemons


Always develops an elongated, oval hole in the top with edges that would cut brick. Turned many a childhood mouth into a horrifying bloodbath.

3. Wham Bars


Like Araldite with sherbety bits. Indiscriminately hoikes out fillings, caps, teeth and fixed braces. Rumoured to be the substance that holds military buildings together.

4. Any Toasted Sandwich containing Tomato


When heated, tomatoes attain a temperature similar to the Earth’s core. And they are teeth-resistant, which means that they tug free of your lunch leaving you with chin blistering, not dis-similar to that of a solvent abuser. Avoid.

One Response to Interestment’s Top Four: Dangerous Snacks

  1. David says:

    Also: Toblerone. I once tried to eat a particularly pointy segment and it went right through the roof of my mouth and into my brain.

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