Brule’s Rules, Boring Ice Cubes
The comedian/actor Robin Williams is 57 today, so he’ll no doubt be spending the entire evening shouting over the top of his friends in a camp Russian accent, or saying something really arrogant in the deepest voice he can muster to impress some girls on a nearby table. That’s just Williams’ vibe. And, for those wondering, yes, he is our favourite living R. Williams. By quite a long way. Hence, we decided to get him a gift, so we all grew big beards to ensure that critics would take us more seriously as actors, then we sat down to discuss things, making sure that our faces looked warm and friendly, whilst our eyes appeared sad and somehow empty. It wasn’t long before we’d decided to give him either a warm piece of buttered toast, or a clip of the brilliant Dr Steve Brule – played by another funny man/actor, John C Reilly. In the end we got him both. Happy Birthday Mork from Mork and Mindy!
Weirdly, no room for this guy…
One thing we’re in love with over at Interestment HQ is stand up comedy. In fact, we can be pretty specific about who we like and who we don’t. Carr, above, is none too popular unfortunately, mainly for failing what we call the sitting-opposite-you-at-work test. A day or so of his relentless sarcasm would be fine, but day after day after day of his bulbous eyes scrutinising your every action? He’d be dead within a week. It’s a sorry truth, Jimmy. Ideal desk mates would be the late George Carlin, a young Steve Martin, and possibly Jerry Seinfeld. All comics from the olden days. But which of today’s crop would we go for? Here’s the four that made the list…
1. Tom Stade
We don’t know a great deal about this Tom Stade guy, aside from that whenever we’ve seen him perform, it’s been massive laughs from the gut every single damn time. He’s a Canadian gentleman who now lives over here, and apparently he once braved the violent world of Afghanistan just to give the troops something to laugh at. That makes him a giving comedian. We like that.
2. Zach Galifianakis
We’re not ashamed to board big trendy bandwagons, which is why we’re totally comfortable declaring that this man is our second favourite working comedian. By far the best thing in The Hangover, he also stars in our number one sketch show Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! and he’s one heck of a stand up to boot. Plus he has a beard, and beards are good. They make you look manly yet wolf-like.
3. Stewart Lee
The only Englishman on the list, and not surprisingly, which is unfortunate. His recent TV show was enormously disappointing, mainly due to some pretty appalling sketches, straddled by the fact that stand up doesn’t always translate on television. It just didn’t work. Even so, when he gets it right, he’s probably one of the best around, so he walked into our top four. Absolutely walked it. We also quite like his friend Herring. Just not as much.
4. David Cross
Fans of the brilliant Arrested Development – officially our second favourite US sitcom – will know this guy as Tobias. He’s fantastic in the show, and possibly even better as a live stand up. And even though he can be a little right-on liberal at times, we totally forgive him… mainly because we can be a bit right on liberal an’ all from time to time! Result! A fine comic indeed, he just keeps Demetri Martin off the list.
A vodka moment, part two
One of our heroes, Larry David, turns 62 today, and what a 62 years. Around 40 of them were pretty much wasted doing nothing, and then eventually he came up with Seinfeld, which eventually led him to Curb Your Enthusiasm. He will no doubt be spending the evening having an enormously over-elaborate conversation with a waiter about whether or not he secretly tried a corner of a 62-year-old man’s birthday cake when no one was looking. He’s just that kind of guy. Hence, we thought we’d get him a gift, so we wandered down a busy shopping street looking angry and confused, before it boiled down to a toss up between a framed five pound note or a similar clip to the one we gave to Mike Tyson the other day. In the end we got him both. Happy Birthday Larry David!
A Vodka Moment, Tim and Eric Awesome Show
Mike Tyson turns 43 today, so will most probably be enjoying some beers with a small group of buddies. He’s probably hired an area of a pub, popped his card behind the bar, and laid on a few sandwiches for snacks. Perhaps a bowl of crisps or two. We wouldn’t know. Mike didn’t invite us. Still, we’re not bitter at all, so we sat in a sobbing circle holding one another, discussing what to get him in between hyperventilating and shouting “why?” up to an empty heaven, and it boiled down to a toss up between a funny sketch about vodka, or some driving gloves. In the end we got him both. Happy Birthday Mike!
Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Spaghett!
With Wimbledon just lobbing distance away, how appropriate that Venus Williams chose to turn 29 today. It’s her actual birthday, which she will no doubt spend either smashing defenseless tennis balls around with her sister, Serena Williams, or sitting in a chair-for-one bouncing her legs up and down, silently eating a protein bar. We decided to get her a gift, so we waited for 11.30, took our tops off and bust open a few cans of Diet Coke – only to feel instantly humiliated when a mob of office workers appeared in the window above us, all female, some mouthing the most obscene, terrifying suggestions. Still, we got on with the job at hand, and decided to get Venus either a brick that could smash through office windows, or a brilliant clip that made us all laugh. In the end we got her both. Happy Birthday Venus, Goddess of Tennis!
Tim & Eric, Music and Sports
Had Mozart not died in mysterious medical circumstances, he’d be merrily turning 253 today. But what would we get him? We debated through the night, guzzling big cans of Red Bull to stay awake, and it boiled down to either a nice warm hat from the Gap, or some musical comedy. In the end, we got him both. Happy Birthday, Your Highness!
Dr Steve Brule, Your Green Grocer
It’s hard to know what to get for someone like Angus Deayton for his 53rd birthday – after all, what could you possibly buy the woman who has everything? It was a toss up between some candles for the bathroom, or a TV report about fruit and veg starring John C Reilly. In the end, we got him both. Happy Birthday Angus!