It’s a wonderful day for birthdays, with literally too many to choose from. Nicole Richie, Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bell Air, Ricki Lake. But in the end we went with Liam Gallagher, Bill Murray, Leonard Cohen, and Larry Hagman – all celebrating today, with cakes, jelly, and tears. Should be wonderful. Hence we thought we’d get a bumper gift for all of them to share, and after much discussion it boiled down to a toss up between Paris Hilton, or a funny montage of guys looking for dates, which we were alerted to by Interestment Family member Spencer. In the end we got them both. Happy Birthday chaps!
Woman wears blue dress in public…
Some people argue that clothes have a use-by date. For example, once a man hits the age where his disgusting bulbous gut can be seen from half a mile away, it might be time to ditch the skin tight T-shirts emblazoned with things like The Goonies, or Welcome to the Gun Show. Their time, sadly, has passed. The same can be said of women in their 60s wearing boob tubes, and men over 28 attempting to carry off those stupid beaded necklaces that Europeans enjoy so much. They’re awful. Those are just the facts. One solid fact recently obliterated, however, is that 39-year-old women called Heather Graham can’t wear sexy blue dresses, with a split all the way up the side, and still look fantastic on a red carpet at the opening of a film called The Hangover. She bloody well can, apparently. Something noted by showbusiness desks all over London as pictures flooded in, leaving one journalist in particular completely agog. A remarkable lady. Remarkable.
Elsewhere in the world of glorious celebrity news, everyone has gone into hiding because Paris Hilton has split up with her boyfriend, and is presumably on the hunt for meaningless intercourse with someone semi-famous. And Rachel Stevens – of pop stardom and getting mugged fame – has left the house, brandishing a great big space on her wedding finger where a gorgeous engagement ring used to live. Damn those street kids, damn them. Here she is enjoying happier times…
Woman in revealing dress shocker
Only yesterday, we warned the world’s womenfolk about the danger of summer dresses, and just how transparent they can be. Unfortunately Kirsty Gallacher obviously wasn’t paying attention, as she strode boldly into the Glamour Awards sporting a thin film of stretchy black material, which had been fashioned into a lady’s party outfit. Nearby photographers zapped away, the big bulbs on their old fashioned cameras creating some kind of strange X-ray effect, rendering her completely see-through. Both bosoms, and some sensual underpants made themselves known to the startled audience, as showbiz reporters launched into a frenzy of short hand, all mystified that a woman of her class and elegance could make such an elimentary fashion error. OMG she’s totally humiliated herself, insisted one journalist in particular. Kirsty will no doubt scurry into hiding somewhere in the Outer Hebrides until the expected mayhem calms down.
In other important celebrity news, Paris Hilton has made everyone feel confused and a little bit frightened by becoming a brunette. And Britney Spears is going to perform a kick-ass show at the Millenium Dome to prove to the world that she is no longer as bonkers as the day is humid. Good for her. Here she is, crawling towards a camera, pretending to be a cat…
Once an Alice Band, now a Fascinator
Sometimes, to make something fashionable, you just need to change the name up a bit. No one was drinking Magners back when it was called Daddy’s Apple Juice (which may or may not have happened) and would people still wear jeans if they were called Trampies? No they wouldn’t. Which leads us very smoothly to Fascinators, the latest must-have fashion gadget for girls, which used to be so uncool when they were just called Alice Bands. Friend of the site and remarkable fashion mind, Hannah, put us onto these, accurately pointing out that “they used to be worn only at weddings, but now they’re ten-a-penny in the fashion pages and on celebs”. Too true, too true. “Plus,” she continues, “wearing headbands over your forehead like Titania – the fairy princess – is an odd trend that has taken to the streets now and is super popular with young girls, including Paris Hilton, Peaches Geldof, Sienna Miller and the like.”
You heard it here first, women. Now go! Shop!
The Lonely Island, I’m on a Boat
Stop a pensioner in the street and ask him/her to please tell you a little bit about Paris Hilton, and you will be appalled by what comes out of their mouths. It’s all “eff” this, and “stupid” that, and “she made a dirty movie”, and “she doesn’t understand what it’s like to be a real woman”, and ” she’s never done a hard day’s work”, and “if she comes to the home, we’ll smash her up.” It’s actually worrying. So, this year for her 28th birthday, we thought we should buy her a nice gift to go with her bad reputation. It boiled down to a toss up between a discreet flick-knife that fits perfectly in a standard purse, or a funny rap video. In the end we got her both. Happy Birthday Paris!
WARNING: The clip contains many many rude words.