The Interestment 2017 End of Year Barometer – what’s HOT and what’s NOT?

Published: 14th Dec, 2017

Featuring these trainers

It’s long been established that the best way to explain the human experience is to trivialise it, and break everything down into two opposing categories. Things that are GOOD and things that are BAD, no nuance, no grey areas, just I LIKE THIS, and I HATE THAT. So, with that in mind and without any further ado, here’s what Interestment made of it all in 2017…

HOT

The Deuce – 70s pimps, prozzies, porn, funk, TWO James Francos, Method Man, the greatest actress in the world (Maggie Gyllenhaal), and all from the same dude who did The Wire. Not far behind was Crashing, the funniest sitcom of the year.

Chinese Food – you ever had this? It’s amazing. Big shout out to sesame prawn toast.

Carhartt Jackets – nothing says “I’m starting to quite enjoy 90s hip hop again” like some heavy-duty denim workwear. The Garment of the Year

Doublin’ Down by The Jack Moves – modern soul gem that fetches £100 in its original form. Song of the Year, despite coming out four years ago

Non-fiction – still decimating fiction, because it all actually happened

Baseball Caps – great for hiding the fact that your hair is confusing

Full Strength Traditional Coca Cola – fuck that Diet nonsense, go all in

Air Max 90s – comfortable to wear, superfresh, plus BUBBLES

Norm Macdonald Live – funniest man in the world, at the helm of the best chat show since, and including, Wogan. Man of the Year

Retro Board Games – don’t bother with the nerdy cerebral stuff, just get loaded on vodka and play Guess Who for four hours

Long Island Ice Teas – great way to pep up a Sunday evening. All you need is every light spirit known to man, lemons, sugar syrup, ice, cola, and literally zero ambition

Gin – there’s suddenly a lot of hard booze on this list

Meat and Chips – rabidly consumed from a polystyrene container, this is The Thinking Woman’s Shepherd’s Pie

Jumbo Cords – they were hot last year, they’re getting hotter

Paddington 2 – everyone’s on about Hugh Grant, but what about THE BEAR? Not only has he mastered basic human behaviour, he can also ACT. Film of the Year

Raheem Sterling – an Englishmen who can hold his own in a superstar football team? The first since McManaman. Sportsman of the Year

M&S Wine Gums – the crack cocaine of the confectionary world. Not to be confused with the crack cocaine of the narcotics world: Crack Cocaine

American Football – complex, gripping, long winded, it’s The Godfather Trilogy of sports (minus the last one)

Being generally decent – it might fly in the face of all human instinct, but kindness and empathy are looking like they’re going to be huge in 2018

James Brown Productions – when the political climate is a tumultuous one, you need hard, heavy beats to drown it out OBSERVE

NOT

Brexit – partly for terminally ruining a country, mainly for the bad comedy that’s ensued

“Essays” – we need to re-establish the line between “writing an article as an adult” and “doing your school work”

Non-bookable restaurants – for people who love standing outside for ages, doing nothing

Politics – too many bad salesmen

Twitter – threatening to become another Garden of Earthly Delights, once beautiful, but getting shriekier and shriekier

“Small Plates” – the least enticing marriage of words since Root Canal

Sitting down staring at your phone – there’s a world outside your window, and it’s a world of dread and fear… ONLY IT ISN’T. It’s beautiful

Exercise – so tiring

Trump – the longest Dr Pepper advert ever

Tabloid disapproval of “Bullying” – like Satan telling off Hitler

The gaping holes on the newsstand – magazines are choking for air, but done well they’re SO GOOD

Celebrity Offspring – can’t one of them just be ugly and work in an office?

Banter

Death – still no cure for this

The ongoing underappreciation of “being overweight” – because nothing is sexier than full fat milk

Silverbacks – too often bad men with loud voices

Overly strong bespoke beer – beer was invented to be consumed in gallons by fat people in a hurry, not supped from a confusingly-shaped “flute”

Looking serious in photographs – you’re not in a band (unless you are in a band)

Coughing fits – particularly the point where people wonder if you might genuinely be about to die in front of them

Thumb Rings – The World Heavyweight Champion of Bad Adornments

Josh Burt
About the author:

Josh has been a writer and journalist for the best part of twenty years and has written for modern staples like FHM and Cosmopolitan and The Daily Telegraph and The Sun. He has also written a small handful of so-so books that you can still buy.

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