Including this way…
It’s been a while since I wrote a piece on the best ways to eat things, and now is the turn of the chicken – ideally free range, roaming around a field somewhere getting off with other chickens. Such a versatile bird, it’s at the same time a symbol of cowardice and of sporting prowess, it’s got a funky dance named after it. At last count, it might be the best animal out there if you’re looking to improvise a Masterchef Invention Test, and after barely any deliberation the ten best ways to enjoy a chicken are listed below…
Stick the whole bloody thing in the oven – the simplest way to enjoy a standard chicken is to practically ignore it while you bung it in the oven then walk off mumbling into your phone.
Jerk it up with Jamaican spices to make Jerk Chicken – my favourite spice to add to a chicken is jerk spice which you can find down the “Bohemian White Guy” aisle at your local Waitrose.
Get one of those Rotisserie Chickens – the French do many things well – missionary, doggy, you on top, reverse cowgirl, reverse reverse cowgirl, inverted cowboy – but this is the feather in their cap.
Fry it in batter – like how cheeseburgers have been reinvented as acceptable restaurant food, now you can have your chicken fried in batter in places where they use actual plates. Made of porcelain.
Put chunks of it into a delicious Jalfrezi – in 2005 this was voted Best Curry to order in an Indian Restaurant by both of my then-housemates, who had presumably tried every single possibility. Else why would they say that?
Fill it with garlic butter and breadcrumb it to make it a Chicken Kiev – a delicious, Ukrainian recipe which finds your chicken oozing warm garlic butter from its undercarriage that’s perfect for getting you in the mood for sexy foreplay.
Boil the carcass into an amazing Chicken Soup – once you’ve devoured your chicken, don’t howl with laughter and throw its skeleton into the road, place it into a pot with some veg and water.
Fry up its liver to make Chicken Liver Pate – next time, instead of looking around then dropping the livers on the floor and kicking them under a work surface, work them into a mind-blowing pate.
Do a little stew and make that the filling of your Chicken and Ham Pie – there are many great pies – beef and onion, steak and kidney, beef and kidney, pork and cabbage, rabbit and onion, lamb and vegetable, prawn cocktail – but this is the best one.
Enjoy it cold with vegetables in a Chicken Salad – This combines all of the boringness of salad with the exuberance of chicken.