Some corkers just slipped through the net…
Mums are great, with their healing hands and their sausage, chips and beans for lunch. But there is a world of difference between real life your-own-mums and other people’s pretend mums on television. Namely, you’re basically allowed to imagine doing it with the ones on TV. Which leads seamlessly to a breakdown of hot TV mums…
1. Julie Cooper, The OC
The sassiest mum in the greatest television dramas ever made, she specialises in verbal cock punches and catty looks. In fact, we’re pretty sure it was her darting aggressive eyes that rendered Ryan silent throughout the course of the programme. Mother to Marissa, wife to Jimmy, she was one heck of a woman. In real life, the actress Melinda Clarke starred in two Return… films – one … of the Living Dead 3, and the other … to Two Moon Junction. Both are probably amazing.
2. Betty Draper, Mad Men
If nervous mothers who spend all day muttering to themselves and shaking uncontrollably are your thing, then great news, you’re ship’s just rolled in – meet Betty Draper. What starts off as a damaged flower soon morphs into a Venus Flytrap, as she discovers that banging strangers in cupboards can be quite the wild ride. A magnificent lady.
3. Alexis Colby, Dynasty
A strong, terrifying, old woman, and yet you can’t take your eyes off her. In a moment of drunk confession, a very important member of the Interestment family once admitted an Alexis crush to his playground buddies, and was duly mocked for the rest of his life and counting. An angry beast of a mum.
4. Nancy Botwin, Weeds
Weeds is the story of a widowed housewife making ends meet by selling clingfilm packages of skunk to her friends and neighbours. Top show, it stars Mary Louise Parker as the drug dealing mum. Everyone knew someone growing up whose mum was a little bit cooler than the rest, and here’s her television equivalent. Sitting there, skinning up. Whatever that means.
5. Tami Taylor, Friday Night Lights
Tami Taylor is the hot mum in the American Football show that shouldn’t work but it does. It’s like Dawson’s Creek plus sport, which is dreadful on paper, and should be horrendous in real life. But it just isn’t. Weird. Anyway Tami is Coach’s wife, she’s a high school guidance councelor who turns up to work like she’s off to go dogging, and she says “y’all” a lot. These are all good things.
6. Atia, Rome
Back in Roman times, should your mother arrive naked into a room, then immediately start having sex with people, no one would even raise an eyebrow. We know this because we’ve seen the HBO take on Rome. Atia is constantly at it. The ideal friend’s mum. Played by Polly Walker (pictured).
7. Jessica Brody, Homeland
Bit weird looking that Mrs Brody in Homeland. Combine her unusual pixie face with Damien Lewis’ shock of bright orange hair, and those kids would come out looking like Trolls. And yet they don’t. Because television is pretend. Either way, she’s one heck of a gal. Mostly in a good way.
8. Lindsay Bluth Funke, Arrested Development
The inverse mother/daughter relationship first went under the joke-a-scope years ago when Jennifer Saunders started going “dahling, sweedie, dahling” (with hilarious results etc…) on Absolutely Fabulous, then some time in the early 2000s, Arrested Development took the same idea and upped the funny-o-metre to around NINE (Ten being the top level of funny), with Lindsay as mother to Maeby. Lindsay was played by Portia De Rossi, who is married to a guy called Ellen in real life (pictured).
9. Polly McKenzie, The Inbetweeners
“I’d love to have sex with your mum,” says Jay to a livid looking Will. Repeat until not funny anymore. Which apparently is NEVER.
Any more for any more?
Of course, it would be mean to lavish the guys with such wonderful mothers without throwing a Dad to the girls. Below is Karl Kennedy.