Showbusiness: Lampard love triangle, Jungle exit, Schofield…

Published: 18th Nov, 2009

Wants Frank back…


You’d think that after years of enduring Frank Lampard‘s ever-moistening hands swimming all over your thighs, as his thick sponge-like tongue dabbed about your neck, most girls would be more than happy to call time on the love affair. And yet, Elen Rives, the damn-near-saint who bore the frolicking show-pony’s children, is keen to go back to her old life as the woman who puts Princess Frank’s dirty g-strings in the washer. We know this, because she said as much to the important women’s magazine Grazier. She wants him back, citing her children’s resemblance to their father as one of the key factors preventing her from moving on. As expected, their children are both girls. Showbiz desks all around the country have been glowing white hot with this news, especially in light of the footballer’s recent fumblings with Christine Bleakley – the woman with the absurdly veiny neck who presents The One Show. Who will Frank choose? We are literally going berserk with anticipation about this.

In other important celebrity news, Camilla Dallerup has walked gingerly away from the I’m A Celebrity… jungle, after not managing a single minutes sleep during her stay. We are particularly relieved about this, as we were rather worried that she might die. And Phillip Schofield has been slagging off Mariah Carey (pictured) ¬†on Twitter.


Josh Burt
About the author:
Josh has been a writer and journalist for the best part of twenty years and has written for modern staples like FHM and Cosmopolitan and The Daily Telegraph and The Sun. He has also written a small handful of so-so books that you can still buy.

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