Madonna, Mum… Mum… Madonna
There’s always a swell of nervous anxiety whenever parents are introduced into a relationship. It’s a big step, a massive hurdle, it can put the skids on all of the wonderful progress so far. The sweet caresses, the long evenings drinking beer in the park, then clumsily attempting to make love behind a wheelie bin. Those days can be derailed with a single biting glare from the potential mother-in-law, or a misjudged sex joke from your dad. It’s the relationship equivalent of Dancing on Ice – literally anything can go wrong. Even if you happen to be Madonna. After nearly 30 years in the spotlight, a couple of failed marriages, and a cluster of children, the aging pop singer – in what feels like a shockingly huge backwards step – is about to find out what it feels like to go around to your 20-year-old boyfriend’s house for tea with his parents. Something she probably hasn’t done since she was just about legal. No doubt, if this worrying regression trend continues, Madonna will soon be spotted eating cheeseburgers in shopping centres, hanging around in Claire’s Accessories with her girlfriends, frenziedly texting people on the back of a bus, and openly crying as she walks down a busy shopping street because Jesus hasn’t been returning her calls all morning. Age cannot wither her.
In other important relationship news, the word on the street is that Lindsay Lohan was secretly boffing Heath Ledger around the time that he decided to fill his mouth with pills to see what happens next. And Justin Timberlake has quashed rumours that he has split up with Jessica Biel (pictured), by still going out with Jessica Biel.