10 Celebrities That We Wouldn’t Want To Go Out With

Published: 28th Oct, 2009

Including this total maniac…

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There was a time when all famous people were really attractive, and you’d probably go out with absolutely all of them given half a chance. They had great lives, a relaxed charm, perfect bodies. And then, unfortunately, somewhere in the middle of it all, over-exposure set in, cracks started to appear, and now some of these wealthy beautiful people seem rather unappealing as a “better half”. Based on what we’ve seen in the media, here are ten celebrities that we definitely wouldn’t go out with, with some very grand, fleeting and totally presumed reasons why not…  

(Can you think of any others? Let us know with a comment…)

1. Geri Halliwell

Halliwell

Bless her, Geri Halliwell isn’t the shiniest spanner in the tool box. In fact, she comes across as exactly the kind of person who likes to say what she sees. So, when you’re silently tucking into a plate of eggs after a hard night on the grog, she’d probably pipe in with “oh, eating eggs”, before looking out of the window, and explaining how there’s a tall tree on the other side of the road, or how a man just ran past, probably jogging or something. Fast forward two hours, and she’ll still be making inane comments – this time about how all of her belongings appear to flying onto the pavement from upstairs.

2. Britney Spears

Britney

Something about her fragile mental state suggests that you’d spend the majority of your day comforting Britney Spears, and telling her that everything is going to be fine. She needn’t be so edgy. She would probably be at her most hyper-sensitive on meeting your friends for the first time, during a casual Friday evening get together in a local pub. She’s a pretty girl, they’d probably all agree, but why did she keep bursting into tears?

3. Jude Law

Jude Law

Why would anyone want to go out with Jude Law? Yes, he’s got the matinee idol looks, and probably a few massive chunks of cash sitting in various bank accounts. But he also has the look of a man who would spend the build up to your love making staring at his own naked body in the mirror, whispering compliments to himself, then afterwards, he’d probably be expecting a thank you.  Well, no thanks Jude. No thanks.

4. JLS

JLS

Now that they’re out of the X Factor, JLS are making sure that the blistering spotlight of fame stays on them for as long as possible. Hence why they’re turning up at every celebrity event going, dressed in matching outfits, never without the other three members, standing in the usual formation – tall ones in the middle, little ones either side. Going out with any of them would present two major problems. 1. You’d probably have to do it with all of them in the room. And 2. Once the spotlight fades, you might find yourself relegated to the Gaffney/Bowers axis of sophistication at Faces nightclub in Essex. Not worth the risk, quite frankly.

5. Lindsay Lohan

Lohan

If her Dad’s rather morbid predictions are anything to go by, Lohan won’t be around for much longer. But unwanted premature grieving processes aside, she’d still make for a rather unsatisfactory g-friend. It’d be the sneery put downs and the demands for around-the-clock attention that finally break the camel’s back. This is, of course, all built on the presumption that she’d be a right little madam. Call it a sixth sense. Plus, you’d probably need to be a lesbian to really toast her onions anyway.

6. Robbie Williams

Robbie

The problem with Robbie is that he’d make for great company, but a hunch says that he’d then spend the rest of the night and well into the next day discussing how people might have felt about him – on a deep level. Did they find him annoying? Why did the blonde girl not say goodbye properly? Had he offended her somehow? At first, this sensitivity would seem sweet and even a little bit charming, but after the umpteenth evening of lying in a bed desperate for intercourse, but only getting a paranoid dissection of the days events, you’d have most probably had enough of it.

7. Lady GaGa

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To counteract the preposterous outfits, you’d have to make every single outing or event “fancy dress” if you were going out with Lady GaGa. Your pals might enjoy this for a short while, but by the seventh “fancy dress” party in just three weeks, they might rebel, and then they’d see exactly what it was that you were attempting to mask from their judgmental eyes. Your girlfriend dresses like a total cock. Oh, the shame!

8. Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise

Now, we’re not going to mention Tom Cruise’s religious beliefs – these are modern times. If a man wants to assume that most of the human race is secretly aliens pretending to be people, then that’s his choice. Fair play. No, we’d struggle to go out with Tom Cruise mainly because of the passive-aggressive smiles, and the forced laughter. Place the actor in a dinner party scenario, and after the second time he’s given an over-the-top evaluation about how good a prawn cocktail was, you’d just want to punch him in the face.

9. Pete Doherty

Doherty

Pete’s issues with hard drugs would be a bit of a chore if he was your boyfriend. You want to go out for a dance with the girls, he’s slumped over a mattress wearing just his pants. That’s another night in, then. Of course, he’d be full of tender kisses and mumbled apologies the following day, none of which would be remotely helped by the fact that he wrote you a weird poem in his own blood at 3am, then woke you up to show you by holding your nose until you leapt up in bed, and completely freaked out.

10. Jennifer Aniston

Aniston

For everything that is demure and beautiful about Jennifer Anniston, there is an underlying suspicion that she’d declare her love for you on about Date Three, then continue declaring it on a daily basis, always making sure that you say “I love you” back, for the rest of the three weeks that you can bear it. Chances are that the relationship would hit crisis mode the minute you absent-mindedly forget to put an “x” on a text, because you’re at work, the boss is all up in your grill, and your stomach is dying for food. Cue hysterical tears, a slammed down phone, and a promise on your part to stick to “normals” from now on.

Josh Burt
About the author:

Josh has been a writer and journalist for the best part of twenty years and has written for modern staples like FHM and Cosmopolitan and The Daily Telegraph and The Sun. He has also written a small handful of so-so books that you can still buy.

12 Responses to 10 Celebrities That We Wouldn’t Want To Go Out With

  1. HannahB says:

    I wonder which of the above would want to go out with Interestment? Maybe you should ask them and then they can go through the ‘family’ and pick who they want to go on a date with? (excellent idea – Ed)

  2. Donut says:

    A good list indeed. I’ve always thought that Jennifer Lopez looks like a total handful. Plus I’d never go out with a member of Westlife.

  3. josh josh says:

    A WONDERFUL idea HannahB! If I ever work out how to, I promise to make that happen… my guess is that Robbie would take the lot!

  4. Neil says:

    Good list Josh! I’ve always thought Britney wouldn’t be worth the hassle…

  5. Daniel g says:

    Angelina jolie for her scheming pretentious antics.  “I’m attracted to everybody I see, especially short bald men”.  You just imagine her insides smell bad. 

  6. JamesH says:

    How can you say that about Jennifer Aniston? I’ll never speak to you again.

    (xx)

  7. Spencer says:

    Donut, I think you’re right. The main problem with going out with J Lo would be not being allowed to look at her. Ever.

  8. Re JLS: “Going out with any of them would present two major problems. 1. You’d probably have to do it with all of them in the room”

    Um, I wouldn’t exactly see this as a problem per se. *Slurp*

  9. franklymrshankly says:

    Agyness (it’s not my name, I spell it weird and I am honestly from the eighties) Deyn. I imagine she would be constantly stealing your hi-tops and foppish, mannish shirts. That would be quite irritating, though all the neon smileys on her henry holland tee shirts would ensure you could always find her in a blackout. Can anyone put their finger on precisely why she is so irritating?

  10. MightyN says:

    Ok, just off the top of my head:

    Mariah Carey (no no, lord no)

    Cristiano Ronaldo (see Jude Law)

    Amy Winehouse (see Pete Doherty)

    and Jordan (all of the above)

  11. abi says:

    i’d say definately no to la loco lohan – used to be cute now just seems really annoying – get a job already!

    but seriously i feel bad for jennifer aniston – i totally would! i think it’s that evil angelina who has made us all see jennifer as desperate

    i think the main problem with pete doherty isn’t the drugs – i think it’s the fact he looks like he stinks and hasn’t taken a bath…ever – how could you possibly take him to meet your parents or your friends when you keep passing out from his whiff!

  12. Cupcakes says:

    What about kerry katona? Are you lot crazy? I’d rather spend my entire life telling Britney that’s she the best motehr ever and that everyone loves her rather than have to go out for a burger with the Queen of Iceland!!!

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