Stay calm, people! DO NOT PANIC!
That’s right, you heard. Black hole. Earth. We live on Earth. There’s a black hole ON it. Yes. A black hole on Earth. To reiterate, there’s a black hole on Earth.
Now, before you shed your clothing and loot the nearest newsagent in a caveman-like display of animal instinct, relax… and breathe. It’s not your everyday black hole. You see, it only works at around about microwave frequencies – as opposed to every known frequency, which would include light waves, sound waves, dog waves, £1.99 Subway daily special sub waves, and Norwegian Forest Cat waves… to name a few. So don’t worry, you’re not going to get sucked into oblivion by it or anything rubbish like that. The egg-headed Chinese scientists behind this crazy sci-fi technology say that the invention could be a new way to harness energy, because the byproduct of this BLACK HOLE ON EARTH is heat. Hence, we here at Interestment Towers would love to see these zany little black holes installed in water-filled rubber bags. Making them perpetual hot water bottles. Or in headphones, like sexy ear muffs.
Black Hole, pah! We ain’t scared, mister.