Interestment’s England World Cup XI

Published: 13th Oct, 2009

No room for this princess…

lamps

From now until somewhere around the sunny months next year, everyone is going to be talking about how England might win the World Cup, and who should play where. Seriously, literally everyone will be doing this. Even your gran and auntie might come to savage blows after four sherries steer conversation into the path of a Gerrard/Lampard conundrum. Our way of solving that particular issue is simple – drop Lampsie.

Hence, we’re going to throw our hat into the ring very early on, and demand that Capello at least thinks about going with an interesting 4-2-1-2-1 formation. James in goal. Yes, James in goal. Then he can use the same back four as has become usual – Cheryl Cole’s appalling husband, J-Tizzle, her name is Rio, and Johnson of the Glenn. Then rather than one holding midfielder, go for two! That way Johnson can hurtle around barely defending, while Gareth Barry – one of a lucky handful of humans with two first names – and Michael Carrick, can trot around mopping up any mess just in front of the back four. It also allows Steven “Stevie G the G-Man” Gerrard to finally let his hair down, break loose from those shackles, and show the world that he can DANCE. We’ve chosen him ahead of Lampsie, because, basically, he’s much better at playing football. Put that in your pipes! And then up front, we’d have the Roonster working solo, while Joey Colemeister and Theo Theo Walcott get to busting locks, weaving magic, and falling over dramatically as a set of rotating “Number 10s”.

Then bosh. World Cup. Here’s our vision illustrated using some very basic photoshopping skills:

england WC team

Josh Burt
About the author:
Josh has been a writer and journalist for the best part of twenty years and has written for modern staples like FHM and Cosmopolitan and The Daily Telegraph and The Sun. He has also written a small handful of so-so books that you can still buy.

6 Responses to Interestment’s England World Cup XI

  1. mustard says:

    that all looks lovely interestment, apart from the fact that theo walcot is in fact just, A SHIT AARON LENNON

  2. josh josh says:

    I’m not going to get into a big football debate with you Mustard, for fear of getting glassed in the face – I know what you football types are like. Hence, I shan’t mention that Walcott once scored a very good hat-trick, while Lennon appears not to have scored for England. Neither shall I dare to point out that goals win football matches. I’m just not that kind of guy….

  3. forty-forty five says:

    I like you arrows Interestment, you should get a job at SkySports.

    Of course, the rest is nonsense. We’ll play 4 across the middle (inc Lampser) and 2 up top. England will be eliminated in the QF’s…

  4. mustard says:

    I’m afraid you’re both wrong.

    a) Hat tricks are very nice, but this doesn’t change the fact that walcot isn’t fit to lace lennons boots. I’m afraid I can’t be bothered to spend any time googling “stats” to back this up, so you’ll just have to take my word for it.

    b) England will win the world cup. You’re going to have to trust me on this.

  5. Neil says:

    I’m going to have to agree with Mustard AND forty-forty five. It’s obvious Capello won’t shift to a 4-2-1-2-1 so he’ll choose the ‘very English’ formation of 4-4-2 but I would like to see Lennon on the right ahead of ANY of our current righties. His pace and ability to take on defenders should be key to our campaign next Summer. However, it’s also vital that when (not if) Gerrard and Fatty take the two CM roles that they are supported by wingers who have bags of confidence. This throws my argument in to disrepute since Lennon ISN’T all too confident in an England shirt and ISN’T the proven goalscorer that Walcott was… in that one game…

    Anyone for SWP?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *