London Fancy Dress Week: Destroyed by Big Brother

Published: 22nd Sep, 2009

Oh, nice one Lisa

Lisa

It’s always met with a warm glow of reflective joy whenever we’re joined by a new recruit, and today we hear from Lora – a magnificent fashion expert with an eye for the absurd. She had this to report about proceedings so far from inside London Fancy Dress Week

Yeah, sure, it’s London Fashion Week. Excuse my lack of enthusiasm but I’ve worked in fashion for eighteen years, and it’s also a FACT that nonchalance is so in right now.

London Fancy Dress Week is the time of the year where we all get to moan about how busy we are and how much of an inconvenience it is to be alive. If you have to talk to anyone this week you must start each response (regardless of subject matter ) with “Darling/hun I would love to, but it’s fashion week and I’m slammed/nutz/crazed.” In fact, just using that one letter, Z (pronounced “Zed”), will really give gravitas to your desperate situation, and nobody will dare ask you for a thing.

Use like this: “Doctor Zimmerman I’d love to take a deep breath before you enter that cold specula, but my uterus is so crazzzzzed right now, what with it being, ya know,London Fashion Week.”

On to dress code – Coco Chanel used to say that you should take off the last thing you put on, but don’t listen to that old crock. Simply cover yourself in glue and ram raid Claire’s Accessories in Lakeside. More is the new Less, which was formerly the new More.  If that makes sense. Think earrings, glasses, tribal jewellery and around five belts. Now, look into the nearest mirror. Yeah, like what you see? Oh, check you out! Good work you! Now you are officially ready for Fashion Week.

So far the only thing I have to report is that Lisa from Big Brother walked the Vivienne Westwood Red Label runway, and, frankly, you could have knocked us all down with a Lagerfeld feather, because Lisa had the audacity to SMILE on the catwalk.  Bloody amateur. Fashion Week Monday was completely ruined. What a cow.

More to come…

Josh Burt
About the author:
Josh has been a writer and journalist for the best part of twenty years and has written for modern staples like FHM and Cosmopolitan and The Daily Telegraph and The Sun. He has also written a small handful of so-so books that you can still buy.

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