Embrace the robots…
It’s always a joy to hear from a member of the growing Interestment Family, and today it’s the turn of Norm – a man who knows an awful lot about gizmos, gadgets, and things that bleep. He simply loves his mod-cons, and would advise that technophobes seriously consider these four options to achieve a better life…
1. Use Bidnapper when you Ebay.
Do you like buying things? Of course you do. Its what gives our lives meaning and purpose. Sadly, thanks to the global economic meltdown, many of us are having to cut back and live like LOSERS. Essentials like organic Salmon and electric tin-openers are being wearilly culled from Lands End to somewhere up North. But with a little dash of fiendish cunning, you can still live a life of hedonistic consumer excess. Whenever you need to procure something, simply search for it on E-Bay and check the completed items box. You can see what the going rate is. Then repeat the search for current auctions. If the item is a standard auction (and not Buy It Now) you can use Bidnapper to automatically place your bid in the last millisecond of the auction thus preventing anyone else from having the chance to outbid you. You will feel like an evil genius and can bathe in your glory for the rest of the day. (Only buy from sellers with good feedback)
2. Replace Your Feeble White Ipod Earphones
If you were the smug owner of a sparkling Aston Martin, would you install a Matsui cassette deck in it? If you were nonchalantly dining in a michelin starred culinary utopia would you drown your Lobster Thermadore in Tescos Value Ketchup? If you were going out with Cheryl Cole, would you get jiggy with a right old boiler, pausing only to blow chunks on the rug? So for the love of Christ, bin the crappy white deadphones that come with your Ipod and get your grubby mitts on something half decent, you will never look back and your ears will love you longtime.
eg. Sennheiser CX300 £15. Or Bose £40
After a hard days slog spent creating synergies, repossessing Grannies, sending Spam emails offering tool extensions (Or whatever it is that everyone does these days), we all need some lovely telly. Normal telly is SO eighties, it simply won’t cut the mustard petal. Borrow £50 off your suspiciously friendly Uncle and give kind old pauper Rupert Murdoch a tinkle. He will come round in his rusty little van and personally install Sky HD. Of course you need an HD ready TV but they are cheaper than a bag of wotsits these days. Watching the nature series Planet Earth in HD is a truly jaw dropping experience. (Much like losing your virginity but with less expense). To really round things off, sell your body for a bit and use the coins you make to get yourself Dolby Digital Surround Sound. Most HD shows, films and sports are in Dolby Digital. Its just like being at the Cinema, only you wont be twenty notes lighter, listening to the constant faint munching of popcorn and trying to lift a £5 vat of coke to your boat race.
4. Max out on iGoogle Suite
Ever missed a vital Appointment at the STD clinic? Ever mislaid an email from a kind Nigerian man offering you a warehouse full of cash? Ever written a list of people you simply must kill and then lost the ruddy thing? Of course you have, this is the modern world my little cherubs and its a vast and confusing wilderness. There is a little known underground website called “Google” which could be just the ticket for you. A few trailblazing rebels use it already for looking up radical information on Tinterweb but it can do SO much more. Set yourself up with a Google Mail Account, Google Calendar, Google Notes and Google Mobile. Then set your internet browsers homepage to open these up as multiple tabs and BINGO. Whether you are at home, work or in prison, you will be able to check your trivial email, your futile calendar (month view is best) and your utterly pointless Notes in one click. You can also access it on your Mobile which you cant seem to ever stop fiddling with. The only paper you will need from now on will be Andrex.