Important technology breakthrough!

Published: 8th Sep, 2009

Cushion makes YouTube-fueled lovemaking more enjoyable

Philips

It’s always a complete pleasure to hear from an important member of the Interestment family, and today it’s the turn of Spencer – a very funny man with a degree in gadgetary. He had this to say about a wonderful new cushion…

A bit of scientific, in-depth, secret industry background: laptops generate a lot of heat, so if you put them on your lap – as their name demands – your warm sensual thighs insulate them, meaning that they heat up very quickly. And annoyingly, hot computers run slower than cool ones. Anyone insane enough to actually use a laptop on their lap will know that they have a habit of sweat-soaking rectangular shapes into your trousers, or if you’re in bed, it might heat up to molten proportions and erupt into terrifying flames within the first five minutes of your favourite Attenborough documentary about blind naked mole rats on BBC iPlayer.

However, the gigantic-craniumed boffins at Philips have been working around the clock, and have the answer. It’s a laptop stand AND a cushion, which is soft on the bottom to keep your legs comfortable, and hard on the top to keep your laptop cool. To take it one step further, they’ve even integrated a speaker system in the front of the squodgy cushion bit to make sitting in bed with your lady, browsing Isaac Hayes and Barry White videos, that much more bass-heavy: exactly how it should be.

According to the press photography (pictured), the system is also ideal for stretching out next to before you do your morning exercises whilst wearing spandex, completely ignoring the functional aspects of the device.

The Philips Cushion Speaker will be available some time in the next month or two for 69 Euros… whatever they are. If you can’t wait that long, try going to your local Poundsaver or Matalan homestore and picking up one of those beanbag trays that clever grannies have.

2 Responses to Important technology breakthrough!

  1. There’s also the worry that all that heat on one’s “lap” can cause problems in reproductive organs of men. But science does prove that orange spandex can help reverse these effects.

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