Not really a hippy
Right, let’s get the surprise out of the way. Noirin‘s ex-boyfriend has turned up in the house, as Big Brother takes a sick opportunity to smear a massive handful of egg into Siavash’s spectacular beard. Of course, being the sweet natured girl next door that she is, Noirin has immediately disassociated herself from the magnificent Iranian, and will now see out her time on the show attempting to swell her ex boyfriend’s underpants, as Siavash watches on, broken, tired. On the plus side, the bookies seem relatively certain that the Irish trouser tease will be at home in sunny Dublin by early next week.
Elsewhere in the house, Bea is proving to be the worst hippy of all time. In fact, it’s lucky she wasn’t around in 1967, else it would have to be rechristened the Summer of Stress. She’s taken to sneering about Freddie behind his back, tattling on tea thieves, and throwing her couple of pence in on pretty much anything. The turnaround has been magnificently swift, as she morphed from butterfly to crow in just over a week. Freddie, meanwhile, has been overheard explaining that he likes to train his lovers, which conjures up extremely uncomfortable images, which sit somewhere in the same vicinity as watching Stephen Hawking pleasuring himself.
Marcus now only speaks with his eyes closed, his toughness has also completely expired due to his habit of carrying a duvet around with him like Linus in Peanuts. Hira‘s exercise routines are very 1980s, and David the gay man from Yorkshire seems like he might be a little bit brain damaged.
Siavash, as ever, is our number one.