Interestment’s Top Four: Hand Dryers

Published: 14th Jul, 2009

Come on you, let’s get those things cleaned up…

dirty-hands

It’s never anything less than a total pleasure to hear from an important member of the growing Interestment family, and today Oliver – usually our expert on silky cloth and colourful shoes – has turned his remarkable eye onto the world of toilets and hand dryers. He had this to say…

Most public toilets aren’t the nicest of places to hang around in for too long. Go in the wrong cubicle, have a gander through that hole in the wall or start talking and you’re likely to get arrested, propositioned, or – if you’re an ex lead singer of Wham! – both. In reverse order. But, the point is that we’re all only human and have to do poo poo’s and wee wee’s at fairly regular intervals, especially when indulging in a fine evening’s worth of weak lager and mama’s famous chicken curry. And here at Interestment we’re big fans of personal hygiene in all its many guises and always, always, wash our hands. Unless there’s no one looking.

The top four hand dryers look like this…

1. Dyson Airblade

dyson-1

The Rolls Royce of hand dryers. No touching required, just lower your hands into the scary looking gap and roughly 2.5 seconds later they’re as dry and happy as a camel with a erection. But be warned, this machine could chop an anorexic’s arms in two should they be foolish enough to lower their shriveled, malnourished limbs into it. A beast from the man who reinvented those vacuum hoover cleaner things. Great work James.

2. Individual White Fluffy Towels

towels

Not often found in pub or restaurant toilets, and more likely to be handed out by unhappy servants in private members clubs, these are a sure sign of you being overcharged on whatever it is you’re drinking, and you’re probably surrounded by grotesque idiots. Recession – pah. Environment – no way. These guys have Panda milk on their Frosties, and simply love paying for sex. But, unbelievable bastards aside, a white fluffy towel does feel lovely and soft on your hands, like your mummy drying you off after swimming practice…mmm.

3. Dayton 5W630

dayton

Ahhh, the Dayton 630. Look at her.  As robust a hand dryer as you could wish for. This is the shire horse of the wash room. No matter how hammered you are, that ON button is easy to hit. Whack it with an elbow, and off she goes. You can spin the nozzle round to give your hair a dry if you’ve had a very unexpected weeing accident, and it’ll even dry off those annoying dribbles on your chinos after too many bieres.

4. enMotion Electronic Towel Dispenser

enmotion

Paper towels have moved on a long way from those scratchy green things that felt like sand paper on your silky soft hands. This bad boy, like the mighty Airblade, requires no human touch. Great for those with minimal fingers or hands. Just waft a limb in front and it automatically gives you a few sheets of deliciously dry paper. If only it could tear itself off, rub your hands in a nurturing fashion, pop to the bar, order some more brewskis and ask for the hot French barmaid’s number, we’d put it straight at number one. A valiant effort from a fine gal.

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8 Responses to Interestment’s Top Four: Hand Dryers

  1. dampness says:

    Fascinating read, despite a predictable number one. To be honest Dyson displayed perfect inventing decorum with this one – spot the gap in the market, punish that gap, win.

    It is a supreme dryer. No air excretion device even comes close – it really is that good.

    A pub I frequent, the Hampshire Bowman, has a dryer named T2000. Sadly, despite it’s Terminator connotations, it can be best described as ‘average’.

    I do however have a penchant for the one-arm bandit style paper towel dispenser, if only because it makes the toilet feel like Vegas.

  2. forty-forty five says:

    The airblade is up there with sat nav’s and weak lager as the best inventions of all time.

    Surprised that a actual human didn’t feature in the Top 4 – in some establishments a little man will squirt the soap, dry you hands and offer you extras for a small fee…

  3. Spencer says:

    YOU’RE WRONG INTERESTMENT

    EVERYONE knows the World Hand Dryer Corporation’s ‘Model A series’ hand dryer was the world champion until Dyson accidentally installed one of his cyclones backwards while vacuuming his bathroom.

    Yes, it may look similar to the Dayton 5W630, but it wins hands down. In fact, I used a Dayton last night in a pub off Trafalgar Square and I’ll say it was ‘quite good’.

    The Series A was the first dryer I ever saw move the skin on my hands with air at a hot-but-not-too-hot temperature. The Dayton doesn’t do that.

    The design of the Dayton is also a direct ripoff of the WHDC Series A. Who are they trying to kid?

    I HATE DAYTON DRYERS NOW. DAMN IT INTERESTMENT.

  4. Ollie says:

    If you like the Dyson, have you tried the Mitsubishi Jet Towel. Used one in an M&S store and found it to be better – not as loud and just as fast. Checked it out on the web and found it’s lower energy than the Dyson so you can feel better about the planet too!

  5. Lora says:

    How could you forget the hand towel that we all had at school? Or is Interestment full of private school chaps? If you are talking about hand dryers, we have to think back to our childhoods and the miniature toilets and sinks.
    After you had wiped/serrated your baby’s bottom with tracing paper, you skid across the soaked tiled floor doing a new kind of hopscotch from tile to tile avoiding the overspill from the constantly flooded toilet and landing at the hand towel machine. Looking back, I now truly understand why we had to have black plimmies in our standard school uniform and not any other branded trainers. Those plain Black plimmies were 3% cotton canvas and 97 % rubber death grip to avoid premature accidental deaths in toilets.
    I think the brand of the device was called Hygiene with a Pink logo (the cleaning lady was also called Jean, “Hi Jean !” we would trill when we passed her mopping the floors of the corridors, hours of fun with that early word play)
    Inside Hygiene was 20 meters of Yves Klein Blue robust cotton (same colour as Jean’s tabard). Hold on with both hands and pull down, no lever action, no sensor action, just reach and pull, reach and pull, just like shinning up a rope but without the nice tingly feeling between your legs. The sound of the cogs inside was a rig a dug a dug a dug, rug dug a dug a dug. This was on a good day, when the machine was full, but for the most part the entire towel was pulled out of its rung by first break. An Yves Klein snake across the bathroom like a fancy red carpet across a sea of Kia Ora piss. Think of it like Wally Raleigh laying down his cloak for you and follow the yellow brick road to find the one dry square on 10 meters enough to hygienically (Hi Jean!) dry one tiny fingernail on and then do what your daddy taught you, dry the rest of your hands on your skirt/or school trousers and wear them the next day.

    Why I have such vivid memories of early toilet use is worrying. And P.S. this wasn’t Borstal junior detention centre, it was St Josephs R.C. primary school, Leicester…ahh the Catholics, fucking cruel bunch.
    I’m off to see my therapist…..

  6. Helen says:

    the Dyson Airblade is a great product, although I do feel sorry for Mitsubishi who invented the concept and are now told by everyone that they copied Dyson, shows you the power of a good brand and marketing! A lot of people say have you seen that cool hand dryer with the blue ray but no one knows what its called (they may have used at Airports or Stadiums). Well it goes by the name of the Turboforce and there is a similar one called the G-Force!

  7. Luke says:

    I disagree that the Dyson Airblade should have made the list. Sure, it looks cool and is fairly powerful, but poorly designed in terms of effectiveness and hygiene. It has a major run-off problem cause a puddle at the bottom of the dryer, which ultimately gets recycled in the system.

    Furthermore, they are supposed to be ADA compliant but yet even when mounted at the 36-40″ switch/sensor height, a handicapped person would need to try their hands by placing them through the sides of the dryer would be even less hygienic.

  8. Grant says:

    Dyson have made a name for themselves with their strength of marketing and branding. It worked wonders for their vacuum cleaners and the same thing has happened for their hand dryers. I’m not really surprised that Mitsubishi invented the concept, it’s just a shame they couldn’t capitalise on it.

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