One for the elderlies

Close your eyes and imagine the olden days. You’ve got your powdered eggs, your pint of treacly ale that you got for a farthing, you’re probably holding your trousers up with a piece of string, you might even be wearing a flat cap. You’ve definitely got a carton of Woodbines in your deep pockets. You’re a hip young guy, and no mistake. A real catch. Now imagine your ideal woman. Keep those eyes closed. This being the olden days, she’d have breasts as real as the hairs peppering the backs of your withered hands, and her taut European lingerie would probably set you back about nine or ten bob. That’s a lot of bobs. You’ll never see that kind of bob. Not in your lifetime. And what’s her face like? Are her lips as plump as a cat in the sunshine? Is her hair as big and white as Gulliver’s knuckles? Then, you sir, are imagining the wonderful Diana Dors. Originally born Diana Fluck. True story.

As ever, we wouldn’t treat the gents to some serious Diana Dors action without gracing the girls with an equal pleasure. Below is Tom Selleck.

You’re welcome.