Interestment’s Top Four: Ice Lollies

Published: 2nd Jul, 2009

Some absolute gems just missed out…

ice-lolly

No one wants to eat in the summer, that’s why you won’t see anyone tucking into a nice Cottage Pie between July and September. At most, body builders might force down a chicken to keep their muscles from dwindling, but for the rest of us, it’s a simple diet of lettuce leaves, cold hams, Pimms, large bowls of icy water, and if we’re after a mean head rush, we’ll suck on an ice lolly. After lots of heated debate and a fist fight caused by the unbearable heat, we decided that these are the four best icy treats ever…

1. Lemonade Sparkle

lemonade-sparkle

By far the most refreshing ice hit imaginable, this balances just the right lemony sharpness with an impressive iciness. The recommended eating technique is to start at the corners, sucking frantically for the first few seconds, before mellowing into a casual suck/lick/bite method – taking care not to bring on a dreaded brain freeze. And as if it wasn’t pleasurable enough, at the end you’re treated to a hilarious joke on the stick, just to really finish you off in style. Hence why it keeps the Cider Quench off the top four.

2. Mr Freeze

mr-freeze

The poor man’s lolly, this is a bona fide credit crunch treat. It’s basically the ice lolly version of a sausage, in that it comes in a plastic skin, and it’s impossible to be 100 per cent sure of the ingredients or how it’s supposed to taste. There’s a slim chance that there might be some blood in there. But, paranoia aside, it delivers the perfect juicy ice rush, and all for about 5p. As the picture proves, this is the perfect accompaniment to a small drug problem.

3. Mini Milk

mini-milk

Like so many fine inventions – apple pie and cheese, coke floats, Girls Aloud – this really shouldn’t work, and yet it does. It’s frozen milk on a stick, something no one would ever ask for, but once you get stuck in, you’ll remember just how marvelous these things are. Plain crisps and cheese and tomato sandwiches have a similar effect on a person.

4. Orange Calippo

calippo

It was a close call for the fourth spot, with the legendary Zoom and the new classic, Fruit Pastilles Lolly (pictured), almost barging in. But this one just creeps in thanks to the syrupy zing of the orange flavourings, and because it is great for flirting. In sexual connotation terms, this is the banana of the ice lolly world.

Josh Burt
About the author:
Josh has been a writer and journalist for the best part of twenty years and has written for modern staples like FHM and Cosmopolitan and The Daily Telegraph and The Sun. He has also written a small handful of so-so books that you can still buy.

7 Responses to Interestment’s Top Four: Ice Lollies

  1. ice maiden says:

    The problem with the fruit pastille lolly is that they have the colours in the wrong order. Nobody wants to be left with yellow at the end (and based on the fact that the yellow is also hidden under the red and the green, it’s an utterly depressing denouement.

    Perhaps yellow is cheaper than purple. There is NO WAY that purple should be at the top! ONE thin layer of the good stuff? Ridiculous.

    No wonder it didn’t make the top four.

    Personal preference is the mighty Feast. Does it count? It’s not technically a lolly I suppose, but it is on a stick…

  2. mustard says:

    HIYA Interestment. I love wall’s feasts. They’re my favourite. But I have a question. Are they classified as Icy Lollies, or ice creams on a stick? And if they are Icy Lollies why aren’t they in your top four? And if they are ice creams on a stick, they why is a mini milk in your top four? I DEMAND ANSWERS.

  3. josh josh says:

    Hi Mustard, a Feast is technically an ice cream treat, something we have already covered, whereas Mini Milk isn’t ice cream, it’s iced MILK. Hence it retains a lolly status.

    Ice Maiden, I couldn’t agree more about the Fruit Pastille thing

  4. oranjiboom says:

    Can’t believe you didn’t include the ‘Fab’

  5. forty-forty five says:

    Feast should definitely be categorised as lolly – and would make any top 4, despite that fact that they have been shrinking in size for years

    Personally, i would replace the Orange Calippo with a Ribena thingy – much more sophisticated

  6. juniper berries says:

    Had a FAB a couple of months back. Utterly depressing experience. They seem to have lost all semblance of actual flavour in the lolly part. and the other bits just don’t last long enough to suffice.

  7. HannahWoman HannahWoman says:

    Erm, someone’s obviously forgotten Twisters.

    I demand a re-count.

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