Not including anything by this man…
It’s always completely brilliant to hear from an important member of the Interestment family, and today Emily – a lady with a sharp mind, and a witty way – turns her attention to the love songs that really float women’s yachts. She had this to say…
There I was, sighing heavily as I pondered love lost and Idris Elba in a pair of clingy knickers, and it struck me. Songs these days are all about sex, sex, sex. Even girl pop stars are telling us to forget about the joys of love, and stick to jiggling our bums into a boy’s face to start a meaningful relationship. In the old days, men wrote songs about worshipping and respecting ladies – there were no references to booty and wobbly bits . Their shanties were soft odes to wafting beauties they longed to cherish and adore. Sometimes I lie in my bed with a cuddly bear and entertain that these songs were written about me. So in no particular order, here are the songs that girls wish were penned with them in mind. As usual, some absolute classics just slipped through the net…
1. Mary Jane, Rick James
We all know this song isn’t about a pretty lady called Mary. It’s about the real sticky-icky-icky, the chronic, yes that’s right, cannabis. But a recent survey by More magazine, 85 per cent of all men admitted they prefer spending time hitting up a bong than talking to their girlfriends, so this is a true love song. Also the line “I’m in love with Mary Jane, I’m not the only one” suggests that more than one person is in love with the object of the song. This makes imagining it is about you even better.
2. Fresh, Kool and the Gang
“She’s fresh, fresh – exciting, she’s so inviting to me, yeah!” croons Robert Kool Bell. It was a close call between this and Too Hot, but Fresh edged it, as the former is a bit marriage-y, and the latter perfectly encapsulates the feeling we all want when we’re new in town – especially Renee Zellweger in her latest flick New In Town. Probably.
3. Let’s stay together, Al Green
On the fringe of a dumping, we’d all really like it if our soon-to-be-ex fella would swiftly metamorphasise into the young – and totally gorgeous – Al Green and sing: “Let’s, we oughta stay together, loving you whether, whether times are good or bad, happy or sad”. Sooo, yeah. But obviously that’s if we actually still like you. Which we probably don’t.
4. Golden Lady, Stevie Wonder
Ever since Sisqo‘s ditty about thong-th-th-thong-thong-thongs, women’s anatomy has been objectified and topped with lashings of sleaze. That makes the romance in Golden Lady so lovely. “Looking at your hands, hands can understand, waiting for the chance, just to hold your hand,” it goes. I know Mr Wonder isn’t technically looking at his Golden Lady, but he’s singing about her hands, her hands! Women want men to love their hands. Not just their lumps.