Picnic Essential: Sausage Rolls

Published: 21st May, 2009

Make your own, Lazy Bones

sausage-rolls

So far, it’s been a staccato start to the Summer, one minute violent beams of sunshine are boaring into the back of your neck, the next it’s so breezy that you’re begging passing women for a go on their cardigans. That, by the way, is not a euphemism. We don’t deal in euphemisms. We wouldn’t even know how. The point being that Picnic Season is here, and then it’s not, and then it’s here again. And then it’s not. Parks should really be full to the brim with rival factions – the buck-toothed Barbecue idiots one side, the sultry Picnic ensembles the other. One group wolfing down strong lagers and throwing rugby balls hilariously into one another’s groins, whilst the others fold thinly-sliced meats into their mouths whilst making witty observations about European women and body hair. We know which side we’d be on!

To celebrate Picnic Season, we’ve flung open the Interestment Cook Book, and today, excellent commentator on cloth, Oliver, has a recipe for a canape of sausage rolls that is so simplistic, even a gold fish with special needs would totally get it.

You will need:

1. Puff pastry

2. White flour

3. Sausage meat from a supermarket/butchers

4. Breadcrumbs

5. Sage

6. A mighty onion

7. Eggs

8. Salt and Pepsie

Now, roll your pastry out into a big long rectangle using flour and a rolling pin (or a clean empty wine bottle), mix good pork sausage meat (or empty out good sausages but this gets a bit weird and yucky) with some fine breadcrumbs, finely chopped sage and finely chopped onion with lots of salt and black pepper, and one beaten egg to bind it all together. Then pop the meat down middle of the pastry.

Next, brush one edge of the pastry (inside) with some beaten egg and roll it over into, well, a massive sausage roll. Then chop it into smaller sausage rolls, and snip the top of each one with scissors to make them look good, let some air out and get all the juicy burnt bits on the top.

Brush the rolls with more beaten egg and whack in the oven for 20-25 minutes at 220 degree C or 425 degree F. Allow to cool on a wire tray, then EAT.

Josh Burt
About the author:
Josh has been a writer and journalist for the best part of twenty years and has written for modern staples like FHM and Cosmopolitan and The Daily Telegraph and The Sun. He has also written a small handful of so-so books that you can still buy.

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