Not including this pair…
Close your eyes and imagine a German woman. You’re probably in a lab somewhere in downtown Munich. She might be an Olympian – a swimmer, a runner, a javelin thrower. She might be the great Heike Drechsler. In which case she probably has hairy armpits. Now get to know her, talk to her, learn to understand her mind. Has she shouted every single sentence at you like it was a strict order and you were a frightened orphan? Even when paying you a compliment about your clogs? That, sweet friend, is because you’re a racist and your imaginary fraulein has been so far made up of absurd stereotypes. German women, in actual fact, are gorgeous young beer swillers who go mental at Oktoberfest (above). Or supermodel/actresses. With that in mind, we thought we’d select our four favourites…
1. Nastassja Kinski
A wonderful actress, Nastassja has been in some great films – Paris, Texas and Cat People. Plus she has been in some stinkers – Terminal Velocity with Charlie Sheen. All the while, however, she has maintained a noble femininity, and has magnificent pouting lips. Over the course of her interesting film/modeling career, she has removed any outer layers many many times over. Both in actuality and metaphorically.
2. Heidi Klum
Klum is Germany’s Tyra Banks, as she’s the host of the never-less-than-excellent Germany’s Next Top Model. And she should know all about that – she was exactly that herself not so long ago when she won a 1992 competition cleverly called Model 92. Since then she has glorified bikinis for Sports Illustrated, given birth many times, and married Seal. That’s right, Seal. The singer Seal. Seal.
3. Katarina Witt
For those not up on figure skating, Katarina Witt was probably the best around in the 1980s, with her tiny outfits, fine rhythm, and kitchen cabinet stuffed to the brim with shiny gold medals. Then in the 1990s, she’d had it with skating around, so took all of her clothes off and posed for Playboy magazine. A fine sport. Hence why she keeps other German sportswomen, like Steffi Graf, out of the top four. She also has excellent brown hair.
4. Claudia Schiffer
It was a no brainer, Schiffer was always going to make the cut. One of the most famous models of all time, she is only ever anything less than beautiful when she opens her mouth and starts speaking. That’s because she somehow sounds like a deaf American woman shouting for help from the bottom of a well. Great looker, though. Fantastic.
Of course, we wouldn’t dream of lavishing the boys with such wonderful looking women without serving up someone a little bit special for the girls. Below is Boris Becker.