Say “bonjour femmes” to some femmes…

There isn’t a single thing on the planet that couldn’t be made sexier by becoming a little bit French. It’s already worked wonders on kissing and knickers – both of which used to be rubbish. Before the French was introduced to kissing, people would just press their dry thin lips together and stare awkwardly into each other’s eyes at weddings. Now it’s tongue city seven days a week. Knickers were made from coarse sandpaper and worn inside out. Hence, we thought it high time to pay a fitting homage to our friends on the other side of La Manche, specifically by honouring their women. We overlooked the toothless crones cackling outside truck-stop cafes, and went for some of the beautiful ones. Missing the cut were Catherine Deneuve, Noemie Lenoir (pictured), Eva Green, Marion Cotillard, and Beatrice Dalle…

1. Brigitte Bardot

Spe

ctacular women don’t come much more fantastic than Brigitte Bardot. She started life as a splendid young model-slash-actress, with lovely hair. Unfortunately, she’s since gone on to grow frighteningly old, and keeps being a bit racist about our Muslim brothers and sisters. Still, for her work in the 1960s and 1970s, she’s our number one. She’s never been in a film with Gerard Depardieu.

2. Laetitia Casta

For those not up on fashion models, Laetitia has pretty much done it all – Chanel, L’Oreal, Dior. All she needs now is Head & Shoulders, and she’s literally cleaned up. Fans of female nudity will be pleased to note that she’s happy to take her clothes off if the price is right. And sometimes if it isn’t. Like three of the four stunners, she has starred in a film with Gerard Depardieu.

3. Emmanuelle Beart

Politically speaking, Emmanuelle is at the opposite end of the spectrum to Brigitte Bardot. She’s an ambassador for UNICEF, and she once kicked up a storm by defending illegal immigrants. She’s nice. We will, however, forever be most grateful for the time she took all of her clothes off and danced around in Manon des Sources – or Manon of Sources in English. A film also starring Gerard Depardieu.

4. Sophie Marceau

It was a close one for fourth place, but Sophie just edged it, thanks to her sultry looks, and fine, womanly figure. Most of you will probably recognise her from Braveheart with Mel Gibson, or the Bond film with Pierce Brosnan. Some may even remember her from Fort Saganne… alongside Gerard Gepardieu.

Of course, there can be no sexy French girls for the boys without a little je ne sais quoi for the girls. Below is Gerard Depardieu.

C’est rien.