It’s salad, only butch…
Did you feel it yesterday? The hot rays of sunshine boaring into the back of your neck? That sensation is exactly what a pressed button feels when it’s used to mark the beginning of picnic season – by far and away our favourite of the many culinary movements. From now on, any space of greenery – from proud sprawling parks to small squares of grass located next to train tracks – will be spattered with quintets of shirt sleeved young professionals, lying on their sides, folding wafer thin slices of Italian ham into their lovely mouths. Some will be piling into paper plates full of colourful and alluring salads. Others might be snogging their way through a scotch egg. It’s a wonderful, wonderful time. Not to be confused with barbecue season.
To celebrate, we’ve dusted down and flung open our ginormous seasonal cookery book, and selected a load of recipes that even the most blinkered of race horses could accurately comprehend. Today, the potato salad.
Salads are hugely important. They provide all-important vegetable content, which is the key factor in seperating your sophisticated picnic from all the caveman barbecues happening around you. The king of all the salads, the real stomach-filler, is the potato salad. It’s the picnic version of chips, only much more delicious if fashioned correctly. You will need.
1. A bag of new potatoes – go for Jersey Royals if you can, they’re notoriously excellent in salads.
2. Four spring onions – otherwise known as SALAD onions. Take the hint.
3. A packet of bacon, streaky. This is optional, but well worth it.
4. Some mayo – you’ve got this.
5. Cider vinegar – or red wine vinegar. Borrow this from an elderly woman.
6. Whole Grain Mustard – most places sell this.
7. Some chives – optional.
Now, boil your potatoes for about twenty minutes, then let them cool down. Chop into halves or fours, throw into a bowl. Fry up a few slices of bacon, cut it up into little bits, whack that in. Now finely obliterate four spring onions, a handful of chives, hurl those in, and scramble it all around, mixing and fusing, before adding a few dollops of mayo, a tablespoon of cider vinegar, a teaspoon or so of mustard, salt and pepsie, and spalt! Potato Salad, done.